^ I think too many INFJ's do not assert proper boundaries from the get-go, and therefore it can often be far down the road when they begin assering them: after the other person has become accustomed to the earlier dynamic built. I could see how it would easily confuse the other person in this case...if they don't see other sides of the INFJ until later on. The other sides are then probably viewed as 'unhealthy', when reality if the INFJ had had a better sense of self from the get-go, and a healthy balance of all sides, it wouldn't come as any surprise when these other sides emerge - since they were there from the beginning. So I think it behooves all INFJ's to not be waaaay too accommodating in the beginning. Any stepping back and reassessing of a dynamic far after the fact, that has become comfortable to the other, is going to be a rude awakening to the other.
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
1) Your purpose (other than fixing INFJs everywhere) is unclear.
2) You don't seem to be heeding numerous people who individually are expressing similar sentiments about the way you are approaching this issue. Take time to reconsider your approach and I really think more useful discussion for you will ensue.
3) You are new here, which means you will get a basic amount of respect, but don't hae a lot of collateral to fall back on if you are saying things that get people's backs up. Get to know some of us individually first and I think you will have better luck.
you really need to know my motivation? fine, i can't see how can it be any more transparent then it already is: I WANT MY THEORY TO BE PROVEN WRONG.
nothing is more terrifying for me right now then the possiblity that i am right, that my perspective, my point of view, me in general, stops mattering to her completely, that she doesn't give a crap about what she put me through or the conditions which lead me to do what lead to the finale doorslam (after she regreted her first doorslam), that she won't have the introspection to face the consequances of her actions because she is uncomfortable with what that might mean for her about herself, that she won't ever face the fact that she has done to me the same things she judges me for so many times before and yet that doesn't mean either one of us is particularly unworthy just freaking human.
so here i am wearing my theory and puffing my chest shouting come and crack it down - show me that i am wrong, i'm calling you out on the worst possible framing of what you people do on a regular basis, now come and kick it with rational arguments i can actually use to sooth that fear.
and instead? you freaking portrary it, aspect by aspect, proving how my theory applies becomes easier with every INFJ post. even Z Buck McFate, who seemingly is the only one here capable of admiting to any faults in INFJ character, can never seem to do so without an 'except me' clause.
introspection and humility aren't fucking head ornements to make people feel better about themselves, they are traits you act on, they are things people do, they have consequances like forgiveness and regret and adaptability, living with your mistakes so you can both accept them in others and grow to avoid repeating them, basic consequances of humility and introspection that adults need to live with. where are those consequances? i want to see them on an INFJ! someone show me that her being an INFJ doesn't prove that when i saw those in my wife i was delusional! and if i wasn't delusional, where the fuck are they now?
and @Z Buck McFate - that's basic 1on1 introvert & extravert relationship, we figured that one out together very early on.
Ha-ha. Wow. So you’ll allow that it does in fact cause a very real experience of distress and suffering in another person BUT you’re making the unilateral decision that it’s never enough to warrant cutting the overzealous person off? By your own logic:
Originally Posted by Mane
i am saying that in both cases your blocking yourself from seen the other person's perspective.
How are you not doing exactly what you’re accusing (apparently) every single INFJ of doing? How are you not making the decision to block off that perspective?
I think we’re all looking at a pretty clear cut case of the ENTP reality dictator disease. "Bad INFJ, for not swallowing my version of reality in its entirety! Bad INFJ!” Good luck with that.
Ha-ha. Wow. So you’ll allow that it does in fact cause a very real experience of distress and suffering in another person BUT you’re making the unilateral decision that it’s never enough to warrant cutting the overzealous person off? By your own logic:.
i'm saying that i recognize that INFJs need space... we've incorporated that into the relationship a long time ago. what does that have anything to do with doorslamming?
Feelings aren't facts. In order to obtain, know, and exchange factual information, one must be engaged with the world. Mistakes happen when infj's withdraw for long periods, and door slam. Wrong assumptions get made. Things get misinterpreted. Gotta check in to make sure you are on track with reality. Some things are easily resolved. Withdrawing is moving into the wrong direction.
Self absorption and neglect can have serious consequences.
You move into a better direction when you take action to engage with the world.