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  1. #411
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    There are INFJs here...and all over the world I imagine...that have 'doorslammed' some seriously deplorable people..
    its entirely possible, and yet i'll wager irelavent:

    every grown INFJ i've known well enough so far that has grown to expeirence life to the point of acting outside of what would normally be deemed decent, followed through by an Fe uderstanding of how they would be judged if their reasons and circumstances in which they have done so would not be acounted for, and fear being consequently misunderstoood, has at some point evolved from that state to a place where they apply the same to others, and adopt a subjective or contextual stance of morality (very easy for those whose Fi is between the shadow functions).

    if you examine my post again, you'll find one major critical weight on the conclusion - that at certain times in their lives, in their unhealthy states, they are unable to examine other people's perspectives and unaware of their incapacity at the time and thus don't recognize and question it. as a result, while the people they doorslam might be deplorable or unethical people, the INFJ doing so isn't capable of knowing whether it is their case according to their own understanding of ethical judgement at the time.

    this isn't only a judgement of INFJs though - pretty much all types need to learn what information processing to not take for granted, to question their own state of stress regarding the subject, and to remember that just because they can't intuit/feel/think/sense it doesn't mean it isn't there.

  2. #412
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's very interesting tho...i like it. i imagine it is extremely important to know when not to trust your own judgment.
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  3. #413
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    I understand what you are saying. But how do you...or we...or anyone know that the decision to doorslam was made in an 'unhealthy' state?

    whoops...I probably should have quoted. @Mane

    sweet...my next post # is 666. make it count Starry make it count!!!

  4. #414
    Senior Member Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post

    sweet...my next post # is 666. make it count Starry make it count!!!

    LOL! And OMG you HAVE to post it in this thread!!
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    LOL! And OMG you HAVE to post it in this thread!!
    My first post I believe was in this thread...

    AND NOW...MY 666TH.........WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


  6. #416
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I understand what you are saying. But how do you...or we...or anyone know that the decision to doorslam was made in an 'unhealthy' state?
    in healthy states (again, from the ones i've known well enough to feel comfortable sharing with me their inner working, which is a few but in no way a statistic, but includes both healthy and unhealthy states), other people's perspectives are weaved tighter into the INFJ's own emotional reality and their reaction to it then a persian rug. in a healthy place, the possibility of having an emotional reaction based entirely on one's own perspective without acounting for everyone else's perspective involved - simply doesn't happen. and yet that's pretty much the nature of the doorslam.

    p.s.
    conngratulations on 666 posts...

  7. #417
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    p.s. conngratulations on 666 posts...
    haha thank you!!! <--- OMG you don't even want to know how long it took me to find that emoticon...

    I actually don't know if I should be embarrassed...or not all that embarrassed that I didn't totally understand the 'persian rug' referrence. I apologize.

    What I can tell you is that I...myself...have doorslammed another individual. Another ENFP e7 of all 'things'. (actually she was an 'extreme ENFP' and 'extreme e7 so/sx'). And this 'doorslamming' process didn't happen overnight...or within days...or months...but this process was YEARS in the making. I literally couldn't handle the 'drunkeness' and 'denial' anymore. The 'psuedo-drama'. 'Being pencilled-in only to be dropped when better plans came along' (obviously there's more to this story but I believe what I have mentioned is enough). I do not exaggerate when I say that I did everything I could to salvage this relationship. We talked many times...and many 'promises' were made. But I came to the end of what I could bear...and needed to shut the door for my own 'health'. In other words...I do not feel I was in an unhealthy state when I shut the door on this relationship.

    ^^^surely...an INFJ could have a similiar experience no? Surely...an INFJ could be in a healthy state...and end a relationship via a doorslam in order to maintain that 'healthy state'...right?

  8. #418
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I didn't totally understand the 'persian rug' referrence. I apologize.
    very tightly weaved threads, very dense.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    ^^^surely...an INFJ could have a similiar experience no? Surely...an INFJ could be in a healthy state...and end a relationship via a doorslam in order to maintain that 'healthy state'...right?
    an ENFP is an INFJs shadow. meaning an unhealthy INFJ is very much like an ENFP who hasn't learned how to deal with their strengths and weaknesses in life, and vise versa.

    basically the function-related information processing that you aren't used happening automatically within you, and have learned throughout your life to compensate for and do without, is the very same information processing that an INFJ lives with on a daily basis, and vise versa. the times where we can't access that information we are used too - and have not yet learned to compensate - are times when we're emotionally overwhelmed.

    it's the same reason we ENTPs behave like an incompetent version of an INTJs when we are unhealthy.

  9. #419
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    ^ No doubt there is some truth all this (obliviousness to what our senses should be telling us, etc.)

    And yet: there are some people who are just not worth the crap they are putting you through, or the pain their presence in your life will continue to cause. They are a waste of space in your life. Doorslam.

    With the people who I've given twenty billion chances to and always been hurt and disappointed, or the people who have unapologetically used and hurt me, I've realised that sometimes it can be absolutely the right thing to do. (Sometimes, in my case = a tiny number of occasions in my life.)

    I'd expect the apology that will never come from them, by the way. I cut other people out because they've messed me around, not because I've messed them around.

    And yeah...it is pretty much true that at that point I really don't care about their feelings any more. I've done enough of that and it hasn't worked out well. I'm just trying to look after my own at that point.
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  10. #420
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    very tightly weaved threads, very dense.


    an ENFP is an INFJs shadow. meaning an unhealthy INFJ is very much like an ENFP who hasn't learned how to deal with their strengths and weaknesses in life, and vise versa.

    basically the function-related information processing that you aren't used happening automatically within you, and have learned throughout your life to compensate for and do without, is the very same information processing that an INFJ lives with on a daily basis, and vise versa. the times where we can't access that information we are used too - and have not yet learned to compensate - are times when we're emotionally overwhelmed.

    it's the same reason we ENTPs behave like an incompetent version of an INTJs when we are unhealthy.
    Okay...I guess I was just wondering this one thing (and I apologize if I wasn't asking it in a direct way).

    Do you believe the INFJ doorslam can only be a product of 'ill-health' on the part of the INFJ? 'Cause I don't think so but would be interested in hearing your answer...as again I apologize...I'm unclear as to what your position is.

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