I still think Balancefind is an enfp-he is dumping Te everywhere. Also the extremely blantant requests for DIRECT conversation and questions are very Te. A few have noted the emphasis on money-it isnt really about power I suspect, as much as that financial responsibility springs from our baby Te growing in. We can get oddly neurotic about it in a way that seems OCD as Te stuff gives us a sense of security.
"Everyone has limits. She tested me long and hard. But I have limits. Limits with regards to money and bills. Limits in terms of isolating me from our friends. She is scared that I'll dump her for our other friends, many female. She said irrationally that they are "her" friends, not our friends. That wasn't true. She has said something to them but I'm not sure what yet. They all of a sudden won't talk with me. I'm talk sweet salt of earth people to. These people were talking with me until I mentioned the infj name, then poof, nothing, vanished. Weird. However the infj told me almost directly that she was going to intentionally stay friends with them and see to it they wouldn't be friends with me. This was out of spite and fear of abandonment imo. Well, I'm now forced to tell these friends the truth. They will be stunned. At first they won't believe me, until I show them proof. And yes, I won't walk away from our friends and other relations."
^^This is amazingly descriptive of an ENFP exhibiting a tertiary temptation response via Te- "I must prove to the world, that I didnt do anything wrong and that my actions are fully and completely justified. I did the right thing in this interaction....see? see?.. here's proof. I did the right thing. "
The first sentance also comes close to a Te Bitchslap. "I WILL NOT tolerate you treating me this way. I have boundaries and barriers and lines that are just not okay to cross...*stomps foot*"
oh, dear, I have totally been through something that resembles this. It sucks because I felt compelled to explain that I didnt do anything wrong and I was really were acting in a reasonable way-the result was that I ended up acting like a crazy person and hounding everyone around me with the story to prove my point.
we are but spiders in a web, tapping the web to see if the world still exists...
I'd almost say it is an odd Fi thing-to have a flawed or broken Fi leads to being a flawed or broken person-thus prone to utter condemnation and rejection. I'll describe how this workd in my brain, but I warn you it is a bit dark. In an interaction of this sort, for me, the goal is:
1) to work with the other person to understand what Fi rules broke that resulted in the confusion. But when the other person wont talk to you, you are stuck trying to sort all the garbage out your self and it becomes really hard to understand what is your and what is theirs in terms of blame.
2)Logically, god damned logically, you KNOW what the answer should be. You know the right answer for everyone else and it is very reasonable and is common sense. You could easily determine for another in the same situation what the answer should be. You are never to be blamed for everything, that is ridiculous.
3) Unfortunately, I am programmed Ne Fi, then Te, so the Fi overrules the common sense Te answer and it ends up in this nasty horrible cycle where the answers conflict badly and I absorb the blame into myself-as I cant figure out alone how to split the blame up between us. I cant properly determine the level of blame, thus this can end with me in a state of hurt. Fi says "it is NEVER okay to hurt another", thus I condemn myself, in spite of the common sense Te answer-EVERYTHING is my fault.
4) but it isnt all my fault (Te) that's stupid
4) Then I look outwards with Te towards bystanders-"Hey, look, really this wasnt my fault, I tried to do all this stuff, and I didnt do anything wrong, and I did all these right things...but this still happened. Some of the blame must lie with that other person, right? Right? " Unspoken-please tell me this wasnt all my fault, please let me know that my values and worldview are not totally incorrect, that I am a good person still. I (Te) know that I am good (Look at all this Te evidence-things I can point to in the real world around me (number or emails sent, money given, things I did), but until people vocally tell me (Ne) it wasnt my fault and help me understand what I should own-I (Fi) cant help but feel that it is my fault.
also-he is listening to what you guys say-first, I think he is getting the hang of the quotes, second, he is addressing you as a group Te auidiance, thus rather than one at a time, he just posts to everyone (dont know anybody else that does that *cough cough*)
He is also communicating almost entirely reflectively, rather than actively.
Balancefind, you are an awesome guy and you did all the right stuff-I'd suggest not ranting to mutual friends as they'll think your nuts. And no, the desire to talk through the issue will never, ever go away. Just the nature of the world.
@fidelia I think you bring up a good point regarding the enfps not getting the message regarding annoying NFJs unintentionally. I have done this several times, and been totally unaware.
On my end, it feels like I am talking to another NFP. When an NFP gets emo, you talk them down by taking a more Te tone and just look past all the frustrated emotion-you dont ignore it, but you talk past it. The assumption is that the other person will be more reasonable once they calm down a bit...so if they seem to be even more emo, you just get more logical.
If they respond with more emo, then I think, "hmmm, I dont think they understood my trying to be reasonable...maybe if I reexplain it this way instead." and we just keep explaining from different perspectives with Ne (@iwaker - this can seem like twisted rationale or reasoning, although the entps may take this to an art form and really aim to logically manipulate.)
Finally the NFJ-the whole time seeking to use emotion as a request for an action, gets more and more angry, then says "Why do you keep rationalizing your behavior?" and gets very pointed. I go "What? I dont understand..." then I figure they hate me, and feeling a bit hurt, just avoid them as I dont want to bother them or get my feelings hurt again. I just withdraw and try not to get in their way after that. I also then become even more "rational" when I interact with them.
(@cascadco and @ fidelia , thank you so much for your INFJ advice in the other thread from a few weeks ago. I have been working crazy 60 hours weeks and didnt even mean to post the crazy long post I just did, so sorry I didnt respond!!)