User Tag List

First 2129303132334181131 Last

Results 301 to 310 of 1696

  1. #301
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,941

    Default

    I don't think you're going to get a whole lot of feedback, because for one you posted virtually the same thing months ago and got feedback from some people on it. For another thing, yes, you keep writing the same thing over and over again. Also, a lot of what you write about this person goes outside the bounds of mbti, and is highly specific in nature to the problems you are having, ie financials, so-called narcissism, etc etc. Mbti doesn't get that specific. What you're describing doesn't sound all that different from a divorce, honestly.

    Finally, you write about how she's low-level, how you'd like to make her a better person, how maybe there's hope, how you think a peaceful solution could be reached, how you keep trying to bring her back into your life, how you care for her, you, you, you. How sadly it might become a legal situation... blah. Well, MAKE it a legal situation!! Who cares? If she doesn't want you in her life, she doesn't want you in her life. End of story. It seems very cut and dry to me. She's moved on, you're speculating and psycho-analyzing for months on end about why she's doing what she's doing, just cut her off and move on with your life. Why agonize over maybe somehow bringing her back to a peaceful solution when she's for all intents and purposes done with you and the relationship? And why are you so invested in her anymore anyway if she's so low-level and narcissitic in the first place? Why are you holding onto someone like that? Actually, don't answer that -that's merely food for thought. You haven't moved on / proceeded legally because somehow it's more important to you to hold onto the possibility of resolution, and your 'love' for her, while spinning her side in a wholly negative light.

    I called to tell her I loved her, that she is my best friend, that it's okay, that I'd help her get the help she needs, that I'd be happy to work with her together on an every day communicating basis so that we both can be mutually happy, whatever that may be.
    Again, this is you - all of your needs/desires. It seems somewhat evident based on her responses that you aren't her best friend, that she wouldn't be happy working with you, that she doesn't want to communicate every day, and that she won't be happy even if you would be.

    You can call it anything you want, you can personally theorize that she's gravely harming herself, but honestly... it's her life. Take what she's doing as Fact, and if it's harming you, then do something about it. Take legal action. Be done with it already.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  2. #302
    Dope SunnySunflower's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    748 sx/sp
    Posts
    4,862

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BalanceFind View Post
    ...exact same post over and over again...
    Dude…it is so very rare that anything on this site causes me to have an emotional reaction…but as an ENFP and an individual that has been in the same position you are in with an INFJ that I love with every ounce of my being…I must say I find your posts insulting…and I am having a difficult time ascertaining who the true Narcissist is in this scenario.

    If anyone ever talked about me in the way you speak of your INFJ…I would doorslam his ass as well.

    It appears that she has given you her answer. If you truly have a financial concern that needs immediate attention (and not just using this as a way to strong-arm her back into a relationship with you)…then this is what you say: ‘I love you. But as I’m sure you understand…I need to proceed with [insert legal action]’. And then you leave her alone.

  3. #303

    Default

    I appreciate all feedback, even negative. I don't abandon people in life. It's not something I do. Due to stress obatained in a variety of ways, the infj I know spiraled downward in a bad way. Much of it was concealed. As stated this is someone I've known 9 years. She panicked because she didn't think she'd be able to pull off a few large projects. I financially backed these projects with her. She got in over her head financially instead of taking a more balanced less self indulgent approach. She did this because of different stressors. It hadn't been an issue in the past. I was not expecting a door slam after I helped her with these projects. I am a part owner in these projects that we share. She unexpectedly vanished into thin air shortly after the completion of these projects. She did this immediately after I said I would not be able or willing to continue to spend at the level she was doing. It was out of control self-indulgence. In the past she was more balanced than that. She has refused to get a handle on her spending. She is desperately trying keep up a high profile image. She doesn't need to do that. I could have immediately made it a nasty adversarial situation. I didn't. I wanted a peaceful resolution. I am being blocked from things that are rightfully mine. I am being blocked because I have cut off financial contributions. She wanted to do these projects on her own. She got in over her head. I helped her as much as I possibly could in the process. Now she vanished because instead of controlling spending, she sees money with me not going to be there in same way any longer. Now I'm forced to confront the matter. I do care about her. I know she is a good person who has gotten into trouble. However I don't seem to be able to communicate with her. I came here to help myself and to help others. I am not interested in making it an adversarial legal situation because I know that it could be resolved more peacefully. And yes, I am financially unable to walk away from all of it, without doing harm to myself. I never said I was without fault. I am however under a lot of pressure to take care of this situation. If it was all about me, I would have taken legal action 5 months ago. If was all about me, I wouldn't have helped in the first place. If it was all about me, I wouldn't have come here in the first place. Previously I was told I wasn't providing enough background information. So, I gave as much as possible this time. I'll take the replies into consideration. In terms of repeating myself, I'm willing to do that, and take some heat for it. My goal is to help two people, someone else and myself come up with a win/win solution, to a difficult, stressful, immediate situation.

  4. #304
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    180

    Default

    What it seems to me is that you're trying to help someone who doesn't want your help. This is beyond MBTI.

    Sure you're not without flaw and so does she - noone in this world is. This isn't about not abandoning anyone in your Life. This is about cutting the fat - and no matter how unhealthy your INFJ may seem to you, she is cutting you out because in her reality you're the fat.

    If you're financially unable to walk away from it - do something to get the money back. You can always ask for your money back and since you're an entrepreneur, have firm belief in your business. Consider the possibility of being able to make that money back no matter how big or small the amount is - with or without her assistance. You can choose the timeframe in getting your money back - immediate or in installments, with or without a lawyer it is all up to you since it is your money.

    Just do something instead of analysing.

  5. #305

    Default

    Thx for the feedback. I did make the decision to go there but there is a waiting period so the cost of the trip is less expensive.

    At first I was trying to figure out what happened. Now, I am more certain of what happened. That's a good start. Problem is I'm scared that she could sink to even lower levels of anger, retaliation, etc...because she is unstable. I am not used to that. If I come on strong, I don't want to make it worse for me or her. Believe it or not, as an Entp/Enfp I'm showing quite a bit of restraint here.

    Her brief contact with me only stated: "You'll get your money when I (she) can get it to me." I didn't even say what I wanted on the phone. I hadn't even said a word. So, she is aware that she did this. Our local friends there don't get back to me which is highly unusual. They previously reach out to me first often. I believe she has something to do with that. It's another of my list of things to take care of...

    Again, I appreciate the feedback. I believe I understand it better now and I have a plan. It took a lot for me to contact a mutual friend to explain the situation. I waited 5 months to do that. I've gone from wanting the relationship to work, to wanting to help her no matter what, to making sure protect myself first while hoping to help her too.

    I had to retrace things. Isolation/long distance, and some other things caused her stress. This caused her self-indulgence. But this time it spiraled out of control. Her door slam occurred immediately after I cut her off from large financial contributions. Previously we were 50/50 generous with each other. Then I helped her in big ways to keep some things going...but I wanted to get things back to more balanced in terms of self-indulgence and she kept going the other way. I leave town, then surprise door slam. The shock and pain was overwhelming and still is....but because I care I thought of her first. Call me naïve, etc...but I gave her time and space, blamed myself too much, all those things. In reality, blame is shared, and communication poor. As stated she believes she has to live up to an extravagant image. She believes it more when under stress. After 5 months, she's still in that phase or state of mind. It might not be long for an infj, but my regret is not doing this after 1 month tops.

    Maybe others can learn from my mistakes. I wish I knew better how to reach/connect with someone who is going through a bad narcissistic way ruinging relationships, finances, etc...all to maintain an image of success. That is what is going on her.e. I still won't abandon her in life. I will protect myself, and cut her off financially, and retrieve what is mine...but in life and as a person, I won't cut her off. I knew the person she was before for a long time. There is hope for anyone in life. I'll just have to do it with less trust and more from a distance. I'm not ruthless, I don't just pick up and disgard people. And prior to this for the 9 years I've known her, neither did she. But she's doing it now, and not just with me. Thanks again.

  6. #306
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,333

    Default

    I sense there's way more to this story than you're offering ... if you really wish sound advice, you need to stop offering your projections as fact.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  7. #307
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,118

    Default

    Agreed. I also do not understand why you are still referring to her as your girlfriend- she seems to have broken up with you, pretty unmistakably.

  8. #308

    Default

    So it's okay for you to make projections but not me? You can project that this infj is no longer my girlfriend despite no conversation or indication otherwise. I'm so supposed to project that. But I'm not allowed to do that with anything else? Every single post here could be true or false or both, etc...and it's up to the posters to believe or not believe what he/she reads. In terms of that topic, she really isn't a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend until things get resolved. I used the term girlfriend or infj to identify her for purposes of posting.

    Door slamming imo is a poor choice under all circumstances. It's anyone's right to do so. But that person will eventually have to deal with the consequences of disappearing without resolving issues. And, that person doesn't always get to decide when to do so on his/her time. I was trying to avoid a lose/lose situation.

    There is always more to any story. But I'm comfortable with what I've shared and can freely answer any specific question. I have nothing to hide in the situation.

    If it makes you feel any better, I have had plenty of self questioning and self-blame. But I've concluded that regardless of anything in my particular situation, the door slam has been and still is a disaster, not just for me, but for her as well.

    As I stated before, I'm not without fault. I have many. I make mistakes daily. I'm very self-aware. Once every blue moon, an emergency can cause one to be more aggressive seeking answers. Apologies for egocentricity in terms of posting here. Thankfully, for me it's only during times of unique next to never stress. Remember, I've waited 5 months to speak because I hoped that after some time she'd resolve these issues. She referenced that she would actions are showing that was just repeated stall tactics.. I've had many cross sections of emotions. But I've decided I've had enough. I was hoping to avoid uneccessary problems and hassles for her and me. I've even wanted the relationship to work for much of this time. My focus has shifted to how to approach someone who has vanished in a door slam. Directly, indirectly, etc...and all of those types of things. Warning, without warning etc....I have had the extra challenge of very long distance. But not for much longer. Thanks.

  9. #309
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,118

    Default

    I would say not speaking to you for five months IS an indication otherwise.

  10. #310
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    180

    Default

    I don't know about other INFJs but for me, if I clearly have not made any effort to communicate (not even a hint) in weeks - that would mean I'm over it and have moved on with no thoughts of a particular person 24/7 anymore.

    Your intentions are good - I can sense it but it's time to really move on with what's at hand eg. your finances. Your INFJ can take care of herself and if she is meant to be in your Life, she'll make an effort to show up, send a message etc.

Quick Reply Quick Reply

  • :hi:
  • :bye:
  • :)
  • :D
  • :hug:
  • :happy2:
  • :smile:
  • :wubbie:
  • :wink:
  • ;)
  • :newwink:
  • :cry:
  • :(
  • :doh:
  • :mad:
  • :dry:
  • :unsure:
  • :huh:
  • :shock:
  • :shrug:

Similar Threads

  1. When any type other than INFJ doorslams you/cuts you out of their life
    By SilkRoad in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 02-03-2014, 11:26 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ Daily Life: Plans, Strangers,etc?
    By plaminal in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-13-2011, 12:13 AM
  3. [MBTItm] INFJ negotiating mid-life
    By Immaculate Cloud in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-21-2009, 09:04 PM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ, inner life a little too rich?
    By littledarling in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 02-18-2009, 02:23 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO