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  1. #271
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    why does door slamming have to be a bad thing? i like the sound it makes.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  2. #272

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    4.Distancing oneself from a person judged to be immoral or untrustworthy. This is certainly an excellent reason. But there is a catch here: INFJs can hold their loved ones to ridiculously high standards and then judge them harshly without remembering their friends are indeed fallible humans. Even good people screw up sometimes. And, screw up royally. Also, just because you think it's self-evident that they have violated whatever boundary you think has been violated, doesn't mean a) they have indeed truly violated that boundary and b) that the boundary you've set is reasonable to expect your friend to honor. I've seen pretty much every single INFJ I know (whether emotionally healthy or not) commit this sin. In other words, INFJ concludes the other person has behaved immorally. However, the INFJ needs to look outside themselvf and see if the facts really support that judgment. The INFJ needs to hold their judgment open long enough to process the entire situation through their intuition rather than taking such definitive action quickly.

    Saw the above in an earlier post. This site has been very helpful. I've been dooslammed by the woman(INFJ) I thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. To make a very long story short i broke trust but not intentionally. Then she set unrealistic expectations of how I should fix the situation. To make things even worse, we had a child together (tho we weren't a couple when i found out) so I see her several times a month. While I'm still in love with her she has made it very clear she doesn't love me anymore.

    So my questions are this :
    A) Are INFJ's narsicistic? She misinterprets contact and content and definitely creates and inflates drama. We used to have very long (hours)conversations that would exhaust both of us.

    B:She has tried to open the door back recently just a little but then slams it shut. How can i help reopen the door?

    Sorry this became so long.

  3. #273

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    Sounds iffy to me. Anyone with a well rounded Ni perspective technically wouldn't close out friends at the slightest hint of "immorality". Sounds like Si. Go retype yourselves if you're so inclined to be insantly reactionary.

    Also, get some counseling if you're too shy and avoidant to interact, be creative, and confront situations. Or, use your Fe, if you actually have it. Learn to be a human being and bridge some gaps. There's a time and place to shut people out, but if it's that's easy, that common.. then you haven't lived one single bit. You don't know anything about what "bad" really is. Get some perspective, hang around some real evil, and then go back to your friends and have a heart, and be grateful that they're not that lame. Even Jesus had a bunch of buffoons for disciples at one point. My point being that he had an open mind, and still was more "moral" than you are.

    Whether I'm INFJ or not, this doesn't substract from the fact that some of you are sheltered fruitcakes.

  4. #274

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    That particular post which criticizes INFJs for judging people for being immoral and then proceeds to chastise INFJs for sinning is so great.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
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  5. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Also, get some counseling if you're too shy and avoidant to interact, be creative, and confront situations. Or, use your Fe, if you actually have it. Learn to be a human being and bridge some gaps. There's a time and place to shut people out, but if it's that's easy, that common.. then you haven't lived one single bit. You don't know anything about what "bad" really is. Get some perspective, hang around some real evil, and then go back to your friends and have a heart, and be grateful that they're not that lame. Even Jesus had a bunch of buffoons for disciples at one point. My point being that he had an open mind, and still was more "moral" than you are.

  6. #276

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    There's two side's to a coin



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  7. #277
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilikeveggiesnow View Post
    4.Distancing oneself from a person judged to be immoral or untrustworthy. This is certainly an excellent reason. But there is a catch here: INFJs can hold their loved ones to ridiculously high standards and then judge them harshly without remembering their friends are indeed fallible humans. Even good people screw up sometimes. And, screw up royally. Also, just because you think it's self-evident that they have violated whatever boundary you think has been violated, doesn't mean a) they have indeed truly violated that boundary and b) that the boundary you've set is reasonable to expect your friend to honor. I've seen pretty much every single INFJ I know (whether emotionally healthy or not) commit this sin. In other words, INFJ concludes the other person has behaved immorally. However, the INFJ needs to look outside themselvf and see if the facts really support that judgment. The INFJ needs to hold their judgment open long enough to process the entire situation through their intuition rather than taking such definitive action quickly.

    Saw the above in an earlier post. This site has been very helpful. I've been dooslammed by the woman(INFJ) I thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. To make a very long story short i broke trust but not intentionally. Then she set unrealistic expectations of how I should fix the situation. To make things even worse, we had a child together (tho we weren't a couple when i found out) so I see her several times a month. While I'm still in love with her she has made it very clear she doesn't love me anymore.

    So my questions are this :
    A) Are INFJ's narsicistic? She misinterprets contact and content and definitely creates and inflates drama. We used to have very long (hours)conversations that would exhaust both of us.

    B:She has tried to open the door back recently just a little but then slams it shut. How can i help reopen the door?

    Sorry this became so long.
    I completely relate here. In my situation similar to this I am sorry to say but you are permanently shut out unless they decide you in fact are the one. And it is not just doorslamming. That is the symptom of the real root problem I think I realized is hypersensitivity to hurt from our closest relations. Like extinction level hurt from those people so slamming is survival mode and you have to address her sensitivity and be very sympathetic and talk about how you don't want to hurt her, reassure, show that this is who she should marry and that the perfectionism or idealism is hindering her happiness. It is not being inauthentic also. Just accepting that who you marry has flaws and they are still right for you!!! If you don't soothe or respect the hypersensitivity you might not get through and you have to be genuine when you do.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
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  8. #278
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Sounds iffy to me. Anyone with a well rounded Ni perspective technically wouldn't close out friends at the slightest hint of "immorality". Sounds like Si. Go retype yourselves if you're so inclined to be insantly reactionary.

    Also, get some counseling if you're too shy and avoidant to interact, be creative, and confront situations. Or, use your Fe, if you actually have it. Learn to be a human being and bridge some gaps. There's a time and place to shut people out, but if it's that's easy, that common.. then you haven't lived one single bit. You don't know anything about what "bad" really is. Get some perspective, hang around some real evil, and then go back to your friends and have a heart, and be grateful that they're not that lame. Even Jesus had a bunch of buffoons for disciples at one point. My point being that he had an open mind, and still was more "moral" than you are.

    Whether I'm INFJ or not, this doesn't substract from the fact that some of you are sheltered fruitcakes.
    :yim_rolling_on_the_

    now i know you were every bit serious writing this, but the last sentence I find very true, sorry to offend folks. The world just isn't going to live up to the almighty INFJ standard.

    I have experienced everything you expressed in this post, hung out with some dirty m-f-ers, gotten some counseling, and found out that people are not as bad as I made them out to be. If anything, I needed to check myself and Ti, because was it really making sense if I wasn't exercising Fe and Ni properly?

    I've learned to confront some people, exercised my Fe to the point of putting my foot in my mouth, getting an adrenaline rush (which I am not used to) and getting some people riled up, but whatever...in the end, we still respected each other.

    I figure if I have to get to the point of doorslamming at this point in my life, it is because I am ignoring my intuition, having low self-confidence and being over-obliging. I should not be opening the fucking door in the first place if I know something isn't quite right from the getgo.

  9. #279

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    She is definitely hypersensitive. So can anyone tell me if INFJ's are narcissistic?

  10. #280
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilikeveggiesnow View Post
    She is definitely hypersensitive. So can anyone tell me if INFJ's are narcissistic?
    Anybody can have a personality disorder. It's probably not related very much to type.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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