User Tag List

First 1321222324253373123 Last

Results 221 to 230 of 1696

  1. #221
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    10,120

    Default

    I think the reason that we are very unlikely to rethink the original purpose/process by which we made the decision is that it was slowly and painstakingly made in most cases. Ni and Ti both tend to check and recheck each other's results, so when you finally arrive at a conclusion, it is because all information has been considered, and the reasoning carefully thought out and defined. Therefore, it usually is only new information coming to light that would change our response, not questioning the way we originally arrived at that conclusion.

    In the case of immature or insecure reactionary doorslamming, this is perhaps regrettable, but if we're not talking about that, I don't see what the problem is with deciding where you are best to invest your trust and emotional resources with the most safety or return. My problem is usually not drawing that line quickly enough, rather than being overly hasty.

  2. #222
    can't handcuff the wind Doomsday McFeral's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INfJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,428

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    In other words, I hear INFJs talk about if the offending party has changed they'd reconsider. But I don't hear anything about the INFJ re-examining their reasoning. This seems to be the last resort for a lot of INFJs. Which perhaps gives them their continuity, but it does so at the expense of re-evaluating their reasoning.
    There are some things posted recently that I may or may not get back to- but I want to hit this quickly. I can't speak for others- but I live in a perpetual state of re-examining my reasoning. No one hears about it because it's all internal, it's incredibly difficult to extravert more often than not- so I usually only share that which I've put a great deal of thought into. If I'm sharing my reasoning, it usually means I've already re-examined the shit out of it. And while it's true it doesn't change easily- there's very little of my reasoning that doesn't remain subject to change with the right information.



    I prove myself an idiot everyday. If I didn't regularly re-evaluate my reasoning... well, it would be ugly. At what point does an INFJ say, "Oh shit, I screwed up royally."

    This is a serious and humble question.
    Again- just speaking for myself- I say it pretty much every time I screw up royally.


    It's occurred to me before, when reading this thread, that a lot of the INFJs responding within this thread seem to fall in the more responsible or mature category- and as a result, it may seem like "INFJs" are not owning up to how the doorslam can negatively affect others. I'm not going to deny that some INFJs are too prideful, insecure and/or immature to clear up misunderstandings responsibly, and will hurt someone else's feelings before taking the chance of making themselves look bad. Every type has its bad apples. Thing is- those aren't the INFJs' answers anyone is going to find here because, well, the ones who behave that way aren't going to be willing to either look at it or be upfront about it.

    I've known a couple of them. One of them was in the habit of changing her phone number about once a year, precisely because doorslamming and avoidant behavior was her primary way of coping with conflict. Also: you'll never find her posting her experiences in an INFJ doorslam thread because she'll never be willing to look so directly at how a coping mechanism she's become dependant on actually affects other people.

    So yeah- they're out there- some immature INFJs who might benefit from figuring out some of the pitfalls esoteric has described in this thread. Are they going to show up and start yelling TESTIMONY!, having seen the light from esoteric's posts? No. Because they have to want to stop first- you can't take away someone's primary coping mechanism by simply objectively pointing out what it is.

    So anyway, this is why this thread mostly has INFJs claiming the more necessary and justified doorslam here- the ones who do it without putting a *lot* of thought into it just won't be posting here.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  3. #223
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I generally agonize and re-examine for years, both before and after decisions like this. I'm highly prone to co-dependency and enabling. I agonize over little stuff, feeling responsible for things that I have no control over and no responsibility for. Sometimes enough is enough. And sometimes I can just plain see it coming and I'm not going to step in the quicksand. I don't have to act for the greater good. I'm responsible, first and foremost, to and for myself and to the best interest of my family. The other stuff is not an obligation and should be pleasurable and symbiotic, not a tar baby of obligation. I've been down the road of letting others make me feel guilty and and responsible for their well-being. It did me much harm and them little or no good. The tee shirt at the end of that Been There, Done That is a straight jacket. No way I'm putting that MoFo on for anybody.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #224
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,118

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I generally agonize and re-examine for years, both before and after decisions like this. I'm highly prone to co-dependency and enabling. I agonize over little stuff, feeling responsible for things that I have no control over and no responsibility for. Sometimes enough is enough. And sometimes I can just plain see it coming and I'm not going to step in the quicksand. I don't have to act for the greater good. I'm responsible, first and foremost, to and for myself and to the best interest of my family. The other stuff is not an obligation and should be pleasurable and symbiotic, not a tar baby of obligation. I've been down the road of letting others make me feel guilty and and responsible for their well-being. It did me much harm and them little or no good. The tee shirt at the end of that Been There, Done That is a straight jacket. No way I'm putting that MoFo on for anybody.
    Yep, all of this. Especially the bolded parts. Although I really wanted to bold the whole thing.

    Z Buck's is a great post as well. I think the gist of all these good points is that typically, an introvert is going to have mulled things over a LOT, maybe too much. And an F is probably going to have tried to work things out without conflict or cutting ties. Hastily slamming the door and saying "GOOD DAY SIR!" is not typical introvert behavior IME. I know I don't like the taste of crow so I take great pains not to have to eat much of it. Which is why this really only happens when I'm very, very sure it's the right thing to do.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  5. #225
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    10,120

    Default

    I agree with Ivy. I'd also say that it is healthy to practice enough self-care to make sure that you still have a margin of emotional energy, time, money, physical energy etc. If one person in your life, whom you are not responsible for is consistently sapping those resources, you do not have anything left to give either that relationship or other ones. By drawing those boundaries and consistently enforcing them, others learn how to treat you, you are giving consistent verbal and non-verbal messages and occasionally the only way to do that is to distance yourself from the person if they continue to try to encroach on those appropriate boundaries.

  6. #226
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,118

    Default

    BTW, it just occurred to me that I've experienced this from the other side, too: my college roommate, a likely INFJ, doorslammed me big time. She wasn't in a good place emotionally, and I wasn't being very considerate of that. Every year or two after that I tried to find her and apologize to her, but she either never got the messages or didn't respond to them. A year or two ago SHE friended ME on Facebook, and I was finally able to apologize, though she graciously insisted I didn't need to. (I did.)
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  7. #227
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I, too, think I have been doorslammed by an INFJ. I love this INFJ. She is a wonderful person and I hope, someday, to be a little bit like her. I admire her so much. If I could have picked my mother from a catalog when I was a fetus, I would have picked her.

    I also know that I hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I was thrashing around and didn't quite know how to extricate myself from an unsuitable situation without distancing myself from her. My lack of responsiveness caused her pain and she stopped contacting me.

    I don't blame her. She did what was right to protect herself. I hope one day to be reconciled with her, but if that doesn't happen, I just love knowing that there is someone like her on this planet doing good and being amazing.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #228
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    270

    Default

    I've been doorslammed by the opposite of an INFJ, an ESTP, actually. Rather abruptly and rudely. But that guy wasn't very mature, unfortunately, and also avoided anything having to do with facing his negative emotions (enneagram 7...sigh.). I really dislike immature doorslammers...

  9. #229
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Posts
    949

    Default

    I will say that I made the comment earlier that INFJs are more likely to doorslam than any other type.

    Upon reflection, I must call myself on my own bullsh*t.

    INTPs can tend to doorslam. So can ISTJs. There are several types who doorslam.

    However, INFJs tend to doorslam in a way that I completely get.
    Thus, it is a very powerful operator in my life. In other words, I know why the INFJ is doorslamming. I fully understand that they are doorslamming. And, I am willing to accommodate their J ways (insert coyly evil grin here) to accommodate their doorslamming... up to a point.

    So I think I was incorrect in stating that they are more prone to doorslamming that any other type. But I do think they are more prone to doorslamming than any other xNFx type.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #230
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    The thing is, you don't get to not accommodate a doorslam. It is almost like you think you have the right to get a crowbar and pry the damn door open if you don't approve of it being shut. I don't really think it works that way.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

Quick Reply Quick Reply

  • :hi:
  • :bye:
  • :)
  • :smile:
  • :wubbie:
  • :D
  • :hug:
  • :happy2:
  • :newwink:
  • :wink:
  • ;)
  • :cry:
  • :(
  • :doh:
  • :mad:
  • :dry:
  • :mellow:
  • :unsure:
  • :huh:
  • :shock:

Similar Threads

  1. When any type other than INFJ doorslams you/cuts you out of their life
    By SilkRoad in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 02-03-2014, 11:26 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ Daily Life: Plans, Strangers,etc?
    By plaminal in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 11-13-2011, 12:13 AM
  3. [MBTItm] INFJ negotiating mid-life
    By Immaculate Cloud in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 03-21-2009, 09:04 PM
  4. [INFJ] INFJ, inner life a little too rich?
    By littledarling in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 02-18-2009, 02:23 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO