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  1. #1691

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    Quote Originally Posted by Feline View Post
    I think we all do this to some extent. Even without explanation. I guess what feels very unique to the infj doorslam is that it has a ring to it. Even if the infj disappears without word, you hear the doorslam. You know it and it's "FINAL". It's very interesting to me why that is. Haven't found the explanation yet.
    Actually no, it's not really a "ring". It's more like a sealed vault. But there is some kind of memo from the universe that accompanies it, so that you WILL know what happened. Maybe someone can expand on this metaphor better than I can.

  2. #1692
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    I am INFP and I doorslam. Gently.
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  3. #1693
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Feline View Post
    They sure sound different. They sound like different ways to deal with a problematic situation. What I meant is that many of us non-infjs will also close the door to certain people. In any case, I have done that. Over time, sometimes, you just make a decision to no longer seek someone out. Or sometimes, you simply protect yourself. One case I can think of self-protection was that I was afraid to respond to an ex-boyfriend. I was afraid to have feelings for him, even though I was the one that broke up the relationship. And my ex-boyfriend is a sweetie pie. So it was so sad to do it.

    But I think that an infj door slam feels more "damming". And I think it has to do with the deeper connection that exists before it happens. Even when the doorslam is the result of a gradual process.
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  4. #1694
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Nuh-uh...I'm an ENFJ cousin and I have disassociated with people at a few points in time. Only once with someone I was good friends with at that moment...because of a whole bunch of reasons, but the easiest one to explain is that I caught her in a bunch of lies...so I basically told her I needed to distance myself from her...I was very honest and we still talk sometimes.

    I despise door-slamming without explanation. It has happened to me once and I was all WTF? I find that door-slammers expect you to read their minds, "You should have known I would be mad if..." Which is not reasonable. You can slam the door on me once. The second time, I will not be comming back in. I know it is hard to express negative feelings at times (I am the queen of licking my wounds when I am hurt, but I eventually know I have to talk about things becuase NO ONE CAN READ MY MIND). I always remind myself that I have to give people a chance to succeed and the opportunity to give me what I need. If I don't express what that is, then me not getting what I need from a person is no one's fault but my own.
    I am an INfJ and my best friend is an ENFJ. I struggle with this problem. It's difficult to confront when I can't grasp the whole situation(when there's tension in relationship). I need to make sense of the problem that I'm feeling. **She makes me feel so and so and it makes me angry when she so and so*** Am I wrong for feeling this way. Is there a lack of boundaries on my part and my inability to say no that permit certain behavior. Or am being difficult. So I start to set boundaries in ways I know how. Which honestly backfires because she knows something is wrong. She asks me because I am being weird and not myself and tell her that I'm just dealing with things. I can tell it's not making anything better , just like you said in this comment that she's not a mind reader. It's hard to find the right words to know how to confront. And what is it I confront.
    It's funny because we've gone through this before. Many times she has told me that she can't read my mind haha. And I've told her what I've needed from her. But somehow, both of us are in the same place we were before. It might be that I've been too flexible and inconsistent with what I've needed. I don't know.

  5. #1695
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    In all seriousness, how is it not? I'm friends with people voluntarily, not out of obligation. I hope the people who call me friends do so because they want to, not because they feel obligated to me. If a relationship is not working, is draining my energy, and is causing me grief- sometimes the best way to deal with that is to end it. There is no rule that says we have to be friends with everyone.
    I agree you need to end relationships if they are draining you rather being an addition to your life. In some instances though,(depending on situation) it can also mean you just are avoiding confrontation, you are afraid of dealing with an issue(being conflict adverse), finding out that you have actually been hurting them in some way(which means you have to swallow your pride and be teachable), you have to get vulnerable. Just walking away is the easy way out . But confrontations also keeps your relationships from being SURFACE RELATIONSHIPS. Real relationships are birthed under pressure Tested friendships. Nothing is easy. No relationship is easy 100% of the time.

  6. #1696
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bizynastya View Post
    I am an INfJ and my best friend is an ENFJ. I struggle with this problem. It's difficult to confront when I can't grasp the whole situation(when there's tension in relationship). I need to make sense of the problem that I'm feeling. **She makes me feel so and so and it makes me angry when she so and so*** Am I wrong for feeling this way. Is there a lack of boundaries on my part and my inability to say no that permit certain behavior. Or am being difficult. So I start to set boundaries in ways I know how. Which honestly backfires because she knows something is wrong. She asks me because I am being weird and not myself and tell her that I'm just dealing with things. I can tell it's not making anything better , just like you said in this comment that she's not a mind reader. It's hard to find the right words to know how to confront. And what is it I confront.
    It's funny because we've gone through this before. Many times she has told me that she can't read my mind haha. And I've told her what I've needed from her. But somehow, both of us are in the same place we were before. It might be that I've been too flexible and inconsistent with what I've needed. I don't know.
    I think it's helpful for people to get feedback in the moment. It's sort of like when you discipline a dog, you need to do it right away. They don't remember they ate up the carpet or pooped on the floor three hours ago. People are sort of the same in a way. I think what makes it harder for INFJs is they take longer to process their emotions and responses to things so it might be harder for them to give that kind of quick feedback and as a result, people don't adjust their responses.

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