I have no fricking clue what to write at this point, but I'll start working on it.
Vasilisa, your post sort of tears at my heartstrings. You sound so melancholy. One of the reasons I like this forum is that it reminds me how different people are. An INTP who acts like my ex did is usually not being very nice, but it sounds like INFJs are likely beating themselves up about it.
Thanks for sharing and for all the input. This is why you're my favorite type.