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Thread: When an INFJ doorslams you / cuts you out of their life / breaks off contact

  1. #161
    Senior Member Array burymecloser's Avatar
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    Thanks, all.

    I have no fricking clue what to write at this point, but I'll start working on it.

    Vasilisa, your post sort of tears at my heartstrings. You sound so melancholy. One of the reasons I like this forum is that it reminds me how different people are. An INTP who acts like my ex did is usually not being very nice, but it sounds like INFJs are likely beating themselves up about it.

    Thanks for sharing and for all the input. This is why you're my favorite type.

  2. #162
    Allergic to Mornings Array ergophobe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Awesome.


    To all the incredibly kind INFJs who have contributed valuable time, mental and emotional energy to this thread - thank you. It is really appreciated. It is very indicative of your kind. All the INFJs I hold dear have always gone above and beyond the call of duty for their loved ones and for the not so loved ones too

    Thank you for your words of comfort and for carefully analyzing and explaining your own behavior or views on events shared here.

  3. #163
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Doorslam smiley understands us.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  4. #164
    Senior Member Array HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    I've actually met someone who has helped me with this doorslamming business...and he doesn't even know it
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  5. #165
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    I've actually met someone who has helped me with this doorslamming business...and he doesn't even know it
    HollyGolightly, can you please explain a bit more? I don't understand.

  6. #166
    `~~Philosoflying~~` Array SillySapienne's Avatar
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    I was doorslammed by an "E"NFJ.



    He is 35 and still alone, he did me WRONG, and the karma police will do what they will with him.

    At this point, I feel bad for him, I do hope he finds the perfect love he seeks so hard to find, but how can you find love if you don't let anyone in?!!?
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #167
    Professional Trickster Array Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    I was doorslammed by an "E"NFJ. He is 35 and still alone, he did me WRONG, and the karma police will do what they will with him.

    At this point, I feel bad for him, I do hope he finds the perfect love he seeks so hard to find, but how can you find love if you don't let anyone in?!!?
    So true. So true.

  8. #168
    Senior Member Array HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    HollyGolightly, can you please explain a bit more? I don't understand.
    Before I couldn't face telling people they had hurt me..I had a real problem expressing my wounded feelings so I would just shut people out. Most of the time thay hadn't even realised that they had upset me and our friendship would end up falling apart because I had failed to communicate properly.
    I doorslammed my INTP back in December. We were just friends, hadn't hit it off in that way but I was going through a really rough time. I also doorslam people when I am having problems as I feel too embarrassed to admit I'm not holding it together puls I feel like I am a burden if I ask for help. So I doorslammed himm along with a lot of other people.
    I got back in touch with him during the spring and he was really nice to me, and I was shocked because I just left without warning so I was expecting him to shout at me or something. We started talking and I began seeing him in a different way. He told me how much me doorslamming him had hurt him. For him to admit I had hurt him was a big deal for him....and for me. I was absolutely mortified, and I couldn't apologise enough. I told him the reasons and he understood and he started asking a lot of questions. He is of a very curious nature, so he was just being himself. The question mainly centred around why I doorslam, how I feel etc and without knowing it he has really helped me out. He made me realise that if I do reveal that somebody has hurt me, they will more than likely feel upset and say sorry and then we can rebuild our friendship. We've fallen out a couple of time too, and I was tempted to doorslam but he stopped me and insisted that we solve the problem and talk it through. He reminded me that people can't read my mind...which I really needed reminding of because I kinda expect people to know how I'm feeling
    So basically thanks to him I deal with conflict a lot better now. And I realise I don't always have to be "strong" and solve my problems all by myself. There are people that care about me and actually want to know what's wrong and dont' see me as a burden at all.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  9. #169
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    Well, from my experience, I don't think I've ever really doorslammed anyone.

    Doorslamming is basically an avoidance tactic. I have been tempted to do it before, but the only legitimate reason for an INFJ to really do it is, in my opinion, if they feel that the person is destructive, be it physically, emotionally, etc. There are destructive people out there, don't kid yourself, and in those situations if someone is so toxic you can't bear to tolerate them anymore for your own good, it's probably best to avoid them.

    There are those people who can just suck the life out of you if you were to spend too much time around them. These people are usually narcissists, petty, sociopaths, psychopaths etc. That said, the touchy INFJs who doorslam a lot of people at the drop of a hat (like Esoteric Wench's original situation) in my opinion are incorrect in their decisions.

    Doorslamming is really a last resort tactic. You shouldn't do it unless you really have to, otherwise, before you know it you've alienated all of your friends and you don't have any. Everyone needs friends. Plus, you'll naturally lose touch with a lot of people anyway, so if you aren't particularly wild about a person, nature usually has a way of taking its course.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  10. #170
    Senior Member Array HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Doorslamming is really a last resort tactic.
    It is. People have stereotyped INFJs a little bit a I feel..thinking we doorslam all the time. You have to really push me before I get to that point.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

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