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Thread: When an INFJ doorslams you / cuts you out of their life / breaks off contact

  1. #1531
    wants Mifune clone minion Array Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    There's a vicious cycle going on... A makes an abstract typological claim...B provides highly personal anedoctal evidence demonstrating the opposite... A doesn't back down... B takes it personal... *shitstorm*
    That's a pretty good summary. And the funniest part (God as my witness.....yes, it seems to me like there's a "funniest part") is that it keeps seeming like a good idea to come back and get involved.

    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  2. #1532
    lurking Array Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    That's a pretty good summary. And the funniest part (God as my witness.....yes, it seems to me like there's a "funniest part") is that it keeps seeming like a good idea to come back and get involved.

    Haha, awesome.

  3. #1533
    Senior Member Array statuesquechica's Avatar
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    @ PeaceBaby: [/QUOTE]When I think of the hundreds if not thousands of hours I've invested, baring my heart and soul in the interest of communications, showing INFJ's genuine emotion centered in the construct of my inner space and to see it makes no difference at all... can you imagine how saddening that is? Reading my old posts brings tears to my eyes at how naive I was to think that this was the answer.

    You have no idea how much farther I come to meet you than you come to meet me. If you knew, it would make you cry too.[/QUOTE]

    Wow, this makes me sad to read....I tend to flutter on and off this forum but I know I have benefitted from reading PeaceBaby's perspective in the past. In the end, aren't we all just seeking understanding, but proceeding in different ways?

    This is just painful to read
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

  4. #1534
    Just a note... Array LittleV's Avatar
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    For what it's worth (to her)... I've always thought that @PeaceBaby had one of the biggest hearts here. I'd meet all kinds of people all the time... and it's very rare for me to come across those who would authentically put themselves aside for others to this extent. You're okay in my book. Let me know if you'd need anything, even if randomly. I appreciate the INFP's who have tried to understand INFJ's... you guys don't have to, and from the bottom of my heart (and those like me)... your efforts have not been unseen.

  5. #1535
    Vaguely Precise Array Seymour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FLD View Post
    All right, I'll spell it out. My post about attractive/unattractive Fi was a shot at PeaceBaby. She sort-of-trolls the Fe threads by playing the martyr. Apparently it arises from some dysfunction between herself and her Aux-Fe (ISFJ?) mother. Whatever. But that sort of martyr approach is not attractive or particularly honest, and IMO the INFJs are right to be turned off by it.

    By the way, the last paragraph in my post is an even-more-obscure admonition to INFJs. Some of them are so interested in massaging their INFJ image that they end up overreacting to every little nip or bite from gadflies like Mane and PB. These Fe/Fi threads go on forever in part because some INFJs seem constitutionally unable to lighten up and turn a blind eye to petty typological criticism and snarking.

    As others have pointed out: There's a lot of unnecessary hurt feelings in this thread.
    I'm kind of shocked you (apparently) consider this post to be helpful. It's hard to believe that calling out someone publicly as a martyr and dysfunctional gadfly is meant as an aid to avoiding "a lot of unnecessary hurt feelings." Seems more like a cause of them and stirring the pot, at best.

    I think PeaceBaby has learned to be direct and not back down because of her personal experience (ESTJ husband and business owner). She's also a parent of adult children and has learned to speak from experience where she feels she has it. I can understand that might set some people off in some cases, but everyone has some areas of personal expertise. I tend to avoid claiming them and am overly apologetic... but I respect (and even admire) those who are less conflict averse.

  6. #1536
    Senior Member Array Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    Based on a few of your posts in this thread I feel that you are irritated by something INFJs have been doing in the thread...

    I'd like to hear about what that is precisely and whether that has any anchor point for you IRL beyond this thread?

    By the way based on the type you declare in your tag, doesn't you mentioning "limits" on what can be voiced out or not sound like an irony?
    You've reiterated the point that INFJs apparently attempt to emotionally manipulate using others' words vis-a-vis declaring the other author's context or intent. Do you do this for them as a courtesy? Why do you say this.

    Put another way, spelling out or typing words limits understanding. As an emotional person it should be easier to you to understand that you can't tell what anybody is saying and if can't hear them.

    This has less to do with me and more to do with the fact that Pi Ji is virtually blind. Typing letters has an inherent limit on understanding. That should be plain.

    Currently this site is a forum and includes public expression. Contributing to it surely wouldn't be seen as trying to limit someone. Would it? Maybe you project your opinion onto what others are doing while disregarding question. That is one way of reminding people whats been said is too much work to sort out and I think you'll find others bugging out of conversations if you lay judgement hastily without careful judgement of what's transpired.

    2 cents given.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  7. #1537
    Away with the fairies Array Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeghor View Post
    Just hit us with Si material...
    You'e getting frustrated I see. I would love to do that and help you out but it's so hard. A lot of what I (and PB) have been speaking about is Fi in original (or generally Judging related) related so it's easier to communicate that through Judging functions. Perception is secondary to me and it only follows where Fi leads it. Si is only a servant (and a lower servant at that, being tertiary) to the Fi master, so it's pretty much impossible to come and start calling the shots. So basically, if the link to Si data isn't made in the moment, in service of Fi, it isn't gonna happen at all. I would have to read this thread over from start to finnish to try to stimmulate it, and frankly that is exhausting just thinking about it. Can you imagine being able to illustrate a Ni perception with Ti? I imagine it would be just as difficult.

    Honestly, I'm not trying to be evasive. If something comes to mind then I will gladly offer it up.

    Or, alternatively, tell us what "we" should or should not do in communication...What type of feedback are you expecting us to offer back to you and in what format so that our points can also get across or you can materialize perspective in a better/faster way?
    You wouldn't find that demanding? It would feel demanding for me to say that sort of thing. Well, I'll try...

    Show respect for everyone's perspective rather than giving them immediate resistance. If you disagree, find a way to make sense of that disagreement and why it exists. Try to see things from the other side - if you can't see the other side, ask questions. Respect the feelings people experience(d), even if they don't seem to make sense at first glance (or ever). If something the other party says sounds reasonable, say so, even if it puts yourself in a negative light. If it sounds unreasonable, wonder why and try to make sense of it - don't just dismiss it. Question others and question yourself in equal measure. Don't just blame others for misunderstandings; assume you have had some part to play. Keep track of the agreements and disagreements you experience; use this to find some larger answers. Narrow down or consolidate the input you've receive in a wider context, not just the immediate context. Seek clarity - try to find answers, not just endless questions. Be honest when you're struggling with something or feel upset, and when other people express the same, try to listen and be patient.

    Shit, I could go on all day about that, and I'm not sure how useful or revealing it would be...

    Quote Originally Posted by Werebudgie View Post
    Yes, this is accurate.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Don't be saying this

    Quote Originally Posted by Werebudgie View Post
    That said, I genuinely like her and for the most part enjoy being around her. You, on the other hand, feel icky to me at the gut-visceral level. This icky feeling in me is not the same as INFJ/INFP cognitive function tensions. I've interacted with other INFPs as well and felt the cognitive function tensions. It's not the same thing as how I feel you. There's something about you in particular, as an individual, not sourced to INFP/INFJ cognitive function differences and tensions that repels me at a visceral level.
    Just for observation sake, do you know how I read this: "I'm having an unpleasant reaction to you. This must be your fault."

    This is what I mean about seeing other people as the source of disconnection. It's also that strange amnesia thing I mentioned. Don't you recall an entire thread worth of interacting pleasantly with PB? Things are disintegrating now, but surely that doesn't undo everything that happened before.

    I'm not saying you have to get along at all times, but I just don't get where this comes from. Sorry, if this seems like an attack.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  8. #1538
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    I'm kind of shocked you (apparently) consider this post to be helpful. It's hard to believe that calling out someone publicly as a martyr and dysfunctional gadfly is meant as an aid to avoiding "a lot of unnecessary hurt feelings." Seems more like a cause of them and stirring the pot, at best.

    I think PeaceBaby has learned to be direct and not back down because of her personal experience (ESTJ husband and business owner). She's also a parent of adult children and has learned to speak from experience where she feels she has it. I can understand that might set some people off in some cases, but everyone has some areas of personal expertise. I tend to avoid claiming them and am overly apologetic... but I respect (and even admire) those who are less conflict averse.
    I don't consider it to be helpful at all. I don't know where you're getting that. I'm just tired of PB's head games. And I'm not the first. Others have already said the same.

    PB used to have good input. She knows a lot about typology. But more recently, it seems she mainly spends her time hammering INFJs about her own "mommy issues." And when INFJs complain about the pressure from her, PB insists that "It's not about me; I'm just the mirror; if you don't like me, it's you that's messed up." That's a rip-off.

    The whole point of typology is that different types live different ways. Sure, suggest another point of view on a given problem, but then back off and let the other guy make their own decision. Don't hammer people for five years and then have a crying fit about how no one is listening to you. That's just a guilt trip.

  9. #1539
    Temporal Mechanic. Array Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Yep.

    There's a vicious cycle going on... A makes an abstract typological claim...B provides highly personal anedoctal evidence demonstrating the opposite... A doesn't back down... B takes it personal... *shitstorm*


    Threads like this=





    Seriously, this thread (& others like it) become a platform for people to dissect the same highly subjective issue ad nauseum in a pseudo-categorical manner. Typically the motivations for wanting to analyze the topic to begin with come from a vulnerable- again, subjective- place. The subjective nature of the topic leads to loads of sore butts, & personal debates that lead to the Great Nowhere (fostering more butthurt along the way). It's nonsense. No disrespect to worthwhile contributors here, but what the hell wisdom has been gained in this 150+ pages? Of course, I'm assuming with a topic like this, gaining some sort of insight is the objective, ultimately. I've skimmed through, & it all looks like the same scratched track. Speculation, indignation, anecdotes, dissection, indignation.. Jeez.

    Someone pull the needle off already.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  10. #1540
    Senior Member Array Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post


    Threads like this=





    Seriously, this thread (& others like it) become a platform for people to dissect the same highly subjective issue ad nauseum in a pseudo-categorical manner. Typically the motivations for wanting to analyze the topic to begin with come from a vulnerable- again, subjective- place. The subjective nature of the topic leads to loads of sore butts, & personal debates that lead to the Great Nowhere (fostering more butthurt along the way). It's nonsense. No disrespect to worthwhile contributors here, but what the hell wisdom has been gained in this 150+ pages? I've skimmed through, & it all looks like the same scratched track.

    Someone pull the needle off already.
    Definitely accurate. Typed messages aren't enough to know what is being said. This thread presents potential for recklessness. If the thread were about listing items in accounts receivable or a simpe note, no problem. But this type of thread is inherently problematic as-is.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

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