Just like I have to go out in the world, open my mind to Pe, let all the incoming stuff of the world come in at full tilt no matter how it buffets my realm, you are wired to a similar task. You are supposed to go out into the world, use Fe, let the judging function do what it's supposed to do which is mediate that entire process you've outlined above. You're right I have a more solid core, and that's an advantage. But in the outer world I am jello and that's a disadvantage. My point is that it balances out. All of us have an ability to make conscious choices in balance to hard-wired tendencies.
If someone told you you had one arm longer than the other, you're supposed to use your extraverted judging function in service of this evaluation. The only reason you entertain it is because you're an introverted perceiver, as I realize that's how the judgement got into you in the first place. But to me, your function is not intended to work in isolation - you are wired to get out there, say, "That's not right, is that right?" get more judgements and bounce that shit around. Hopefully your world is populated with at least a partial cross-section of reasonable people who will help you gain a better accuracy in the reflection. But you're not supposed to just stick to your favored crew. I think it works best when you have the trusted few but still bounce things around in the general population. (eta3: No, maybe not. The trusted few could still override the general population. What is the solution, aside from having the best trusted few possible?)
I've noted a pattern over time with INFJ's really lamenting having Fe in their functional stack. I can really appreciate the challenges of that now, having had the humbling opportunities to hear about what it's like firsthand here on the forum. Yet it IS your helper, and I know you feel like it gets you in trouble all the time, but you're supposed to use it. The only person I've seen actually using it to improve the reflection of late is @Eilonwy. She's using it to dig amongst a larger community of people and ask questions and let MORE reflections in to inform her introverted perceiving. Let it push your inner world around such that you speak OUT to find the balance again. In my mind, it leads to more robust judgements. I am aware that I MUST let Pe in, no matter how overwhelming that can be or how ineffective I feel as an agent in the outer world or how much I don't want to change my mind sometimes. You are conscious of Je - you must let Je OUT.
Sorry if that sounds lectury - I am pressed for time this morning and communicating the message feels urgent, like I really want to share it so less time to refine.
I feel like I am getting closer and closer to the impasse between our types. It may indeed be that like two opposing poles on a magnet, we will never get to actually touch. But I must see how close we can get.
eta: I've realized that I'm powerless / whiny about the perceiving world and you are interestingly powerless / whiny about the judging world. Fascinating. I need to throw my weight around in the perceiving realm, and you in the judging realm. Will ponder more.
eta2: I have to let perceptions in and you have to let judgements in? But casual judgements annoy me? And personal criticisms hurt me? And casual perceptions are annoying? And personal perceptions are hurtful? sorry, we appear doomed at this moment. must process more.