Seymour, you're like, my hero. (I agree with much of what you wrote up there. eta: Especially, "steal a lot of mental bandwidth and emotional energy". It's not even that I will think someone is inconsistent and unreliable....I'll just think they're too inconsistent and unreliable for me. I practically always see it in terms of my own threshold, instead of seeing them as definitively 'black' or 'white'.)
And (if yes) I agree, this is a problem. I have been aware of it for a long time (that I'm not being clear enough in the way I say "this is a problem" to someone).....and yet I still very much struggle with it. eta: Because I don't know, there will be times I actually feel like I'm yelling it- and it's still not clear? Anyway, yes, this is a big problem. People don't hear the silent countdown going on in my head.