That's what I (and some others) have been trying to break through and discuss.
I don't know about bringing it into the light. I think some people, perhaps even myself, just want validation; to hear INFJs say it's a shitty thing, so they don't feel like they're crazy or ignored. I really don't know (I did say I was bad with the intent stuff).And the problem (as I said before) with pointing this out is that defense mechanisms can’t be taken away by pointing them out: they’re invisible. You have to find some way to fill the needs those defense mechanisms are compensating for if you want them to become visible. My whole point here is that coming into this thread to guide the INFJs who do this particular kind of doorslam into ‘the light’ is….I don’t know, it seems fruitless to me. Because the kinds of INFJs who show up here to honestly talk about it are the kind who do it more for the self-preservation (they feel an obligation to others, but will doorslam to get rid of unhealthy/unbalanced relationships) reasons- not the flightier reason of needing to have a certain self-image reinforced.
I do know often when I talk about people's negative inclinations, I say it in hope that next time when they hear themselves doing it, they stop and think; that if they try to have more consciousness of what they do when things go wrong or they feel uncomfortable with something, it can at least partially lessen the problem. I have a lot of belief in self-awareness. Perhaps this is just naive or wrong-headed - not sure.