First of all, even Brene Brown urges that it's a mistake to show vulnerability where it doesn't feel right to do so: Why Brené Brown Says There's No Vulnerability Without Trust
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
How do you open up to someone you don't completely trust? Dr. Brené Brown, an expert on vulnerability and worthiness, has a one-word answer: "Don't." Watch Dr. Brown explain why vulnerability is our greatest gift and how we shouldn't give it to people who haven't earned it. Plus, Dr. Brown reveals how you can use your openness and honesty to filter out those who aren't worth your time.
Secondly, when you say "own it".....are you referring to actual doorslams that have happened in people's lives (and insinuating that INFJs here have related to stories about having doorslammed people they were close to irl, and done so in such a way that you believe they 'blamed' the person they couldn't handle interacting with anymore more than they should) or is this more about INFJs here not being able to handle too much interaction with some of the other members here?** [I get the impression- from the way you keep bringing up 'giving mane a second chance'- it's the latter, and for the sake of fairness I want to point out there's a huge difference between "distancing someone you hardly know on an internet forum" and "doorslamming someone you've been close to irl". I believe the latter should incite a much stronger obligation and responsibility.]
The phrases "feel in control" and "to have some power in the relationship", in my mind, imply wanting the lion's share of 'control' or 'power'. But the truth is- yes, everyone should want 'control' and 'power' in a relationship. They should want the same amount of 'control' and 'power' the other person has. [And there's something seriously f'ed up about interaction where a person gets accused of wanting to "control the relationship" simply because they want *some* control within the relationship- it's a common tendency of narcissists though to make this accusation, to make the person with weak boundaries feel bad for trying to assert any boundaries at all around themselves.]
So, is the doorslam a way to feel in control? To have some power in the relationship? A way to avoid being vulnerable, or making choices that we find unpleasant in some way?
**eta: It seems to me like these two things are getting merged together when they shouldn't because it's two separate issues. If I'm mistaken about this though, I apologize. Like I keep saying, I'm only reading maybe half the new posts- so it wouldn't surprise me if I was reading something wrong.