User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 35

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default running out of stuff to talk about.

    i was out with istp last night and we hit a wall. basically, we ran out of stuff to talk about. i verbalize this, of course, and he says something like he can just enjoy being in the presence of other people (he was not being specific to me) and that i need to relax. typical.

    at any rate, i go into freak out mode when this happens. i don't know why exactly and maybe you all can help me sort through my jumble of feelings. i think there are a few things at work:

    1) insecurity - i am subconsciously looking for reasons for us not to be compatible, so we have one tiny little lull and i am like AH-HA! i knew it! run!

    2) restlessness - i need to be stimulated all the time and can't stand to sit there saying nothing at all.

    then of course i start the cycle of being crazy and thinking that "oh no! now i've ruined it with my discontent attitude and my psycho rampant emotionalism!" istp is so freakin calm that it makes me feel ridiculous. it's not his fault... i know it's me... but i just hate that i feel so insane.

    not sure what this is or how to get over it.

    i'm thinking this is why i have short term relationships. it's all i can do not to pull the plug. TOTALLY not rational, but that's how i FEEEEEEL.

    rarr.

  2. #2
    Dali
    Guest

    Default

    Not to trivialise your issue but this makes me LOL because it reminds me of an ENFP one-time 'somewhat-GF' I had. Us ISPs are more of listeners than talkers... I mean, we'll talk your EAR off sometimes (as anyone with an ISP SO could tell you) but, most of the time, we're content just sitting there listening to what you have to say or just BE with you.

    Anytime I was silently enjoying her company, my ENFP would ask me if there was anything wrong and, even when she didnt ask, I'd sense that she was a mass of nerves. Even now that we've stopped 'somewhat dating' (LONG story that has nothing to do with type) and remained close friends, I sense her discomfort and try and make the extra effort to be more chatty than usual when I hang out with her. It doesnt come naturally though.

    So yeah, I'm not asking you to change who you are but, you know, just learn to go with the flow. Relax. His silence does not necessarily mean anything. Not every positive emotion needs to be verbalised.

    Chill out. *hug*

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    Anytime I was silently enjoying her company, my ENFP would ask me if there was anything wrong and, even when she didnt ask, I'd sense that she was a mass of nerves.
    i try not to ask that. i usually know nothing is wrong... but i do, i really do have a hard time sitting there silently. i like to bounce around... topics of discussion... and literally bounce around...

    silence does not necessarily mean anything.
    but... but... what if it does?! everything has meaning! ENFP! hahaha. when you're silent, i often can't read what is happening and then i end up questioning the whole relationship by default. so much of what stimulates me in a relationship is conversation, so i suddenly assume that the relationship must suck if we can't talk anymore (and by anymore i mean a one time occurence that i have generalized and attributed to why-we-are-no-longer-compatible). this is the crazy stuff i'm talking about!!

    Chill out. *hug*
    yeah, i know. thanks. i don't know how to do it. i try really hard, but then i can tell i'm trying, and then i think he can tell i'm trying, and then it's just this awful cycle of efforts, unhealthy pleasing, unnecessary stress and feeling something must be wrong with me.

    i guess being relaxed is the better way to be, but it is frustrating how easy it seems to come to some people and how i have to work at it.

    i have chill envy.

  4. #4
    Junior Member MagnifaSnail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INxP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    28

    Default

    I think I kind of get where you're coming from. I enjoy fun conversations with mad Ne tangents but I don't mind a lull, at least not for myself. Pauses bother me because I know they bother the person I'm talking to. I hate the idea that I'm boring them or making them feel awkward, especially with someone I'm interested in. I'm horrible at starting conversations or indeed initiating anything of any kind (extreme introvert here) and so I usually leave it to someone else to set the stage for chit-chat. I can probe, question, and evaluate from there and slide into a natural feeling mode of discourse. Although sometimes if I'm not in the right mood I can't say or do anything besides smile and nod and I hate that because I feel frustrated and stupid.

    I'd say if you yourself somehow run out of things to talk about then enjoy just the presence of your ISTP. There's a certain Se pleasure of just sitting together with someone who's company you enjoy and just being with them. If you really want to talk try and pick out some observations about your setting (the building, food you might have, other people, anything) that might appeal to his Se and go from there.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Socionics
    ENFp
    Posts
    878

    Default

    There's a certain Se pleasure of just sitting together with someone who's company you enjoy and just being with them.
    yeah, how do they get that anyway? i wish i had that.

  6. #6
    morose bourgeoisie
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,860

    Default

    try dancing instead.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,636

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    yeah, how do they get that anyway? i wish i had that.
    It would require a lobotomy.

  8. #8
    Junior Member MagnifaSnail's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INxP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    28

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    yeah, how do they get that anyway? i wish i had that.
    I don't really know. Sometimes just knowing that my attention is on her and hers on me is enough. To hell with everything else. 'To love and to be loved.' sort of thing. That's starting to sound all whiny and F-ish though.... so, again, I'm far from certain. Also, to be fair, indulging in those feelings never seems to do anything but hurt me in the end.

    But to get back to your original question about making talk. Try and pick out an observation as I mentioned earlier and let your Ne run with it. I find it tricksy that an ENFP would have a difficult time starting a conversation. If he's being unresponsive, though, I'm not really sure how to tell whether he's uninterested/put off or just feeling a little extra pensive. I imagine ISTP's can get caught in their heads a lot so try and draw them out. Gently (at least at first ).

  9. #9
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    7,917

    Default

    There definitely seems to be an S-N communication gap. If you want him to converse more, maybe try bringing out his Ti, and bring up things that call upon Ti skillz. Problem solving, complicated systems, theories, stuff that requires analysis...

  10. #10
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    If one told me it was fine being quiet I would relax. It would be a relief.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] Found out I am likely a ENTP... Obviously, I want to talk about it to confirm.
    By Eischcream in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 10-27-2015, 08:36 PM
  2. The worst times to run out of toilet paper
    By prplchknz in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-11-2012, 07:42 PM
  3. I forgot what I was going to talk about...
    By Cloudblue in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-09-2010, 03:02 PM
  4. running out of toilet paper
    By velocity in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 04-24-2009, 04:16 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO