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  1. #11
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I personally find that the moment I can just relax and sit back quietly in someone's presence, it means I feel utterly comfortable with them and free to be myself. And that's a special moment to me. So I tend to just sit quietly smiling, or tossing them a glance occasionally and even more fun is just snuggling up with them without saying a word and even while doing something else, watching tv, reading a book, even playing on the pc. Physical touch is incredibly reassuring to me, but even their presence will quiet me and make me content.

    You however sound like you feel nervous if you don't entertain him 24/7. Relax..he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be there. Let him enjoy your presence, you don't have to be on stage constantly
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #12
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    i was out with istp last night and we hit a wall. basically, we ran out of stuff to talk about. i verbalize this, of course, and he says something like he can just enjoy being in the presence of other people (he was not being specific to me) and that i need to relax. typical.

    at any rate, i go into freak out mode when this happens. i don't know why exactly and maybe you all can help me sort through my jumble of feelings. i think there are a few things at work:

    1) insecurity - i am subconsciously looking for reasons for us not to be compatible, so we have one tiny little lull and i am like AH-HA! i knew it! run!

    2) restlessness - i need to be stimulated all the time and can't stand to sit there saying nothing at all.

    then of course i start the cycle of being crazy and thinking that "oh no! now i've ruined it with my discontent attitude and my psycho rampant emotionalism!" istp is so freakin calm that it makes me feel ridiculous. it's not his fault... i know it's me... but i just hate that i feel so insane.

    not sure what this is or how to get over it.

    i'm thinking this is why i have short term relationships. it's all i can do not to pull the plug. TOTALLY not rational, but that's how i FEEEEEEL.

    rarr.
    My dear, I mean this in the most loving way possible, but you seem wayy anxious and neurotic. Just take deep breaths and enjoy your istp. He's probably not thinking about any of this at all!! How to deal with it? Just, take an ativan or something.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

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  3. #13
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I think you might be bored.

  4. #14
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I think you might be bored.
    Yeah go out and do something. Then you can talk about that, then that will lead to other conversations.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I personally find that the moment I can just relax and sit back quietly in someone's presence, it means I feel utterly comfortable with them and free to be myself. And that's a special moment to me. So I tend to just sit quietly smiling, or tossing them a glance occasionally and even more fun is just snuggling up with them without saying a word and even while doing something else, watching tv, reading a book, even playing on the pc. Physical touch is incredibly reassuring to me, but even their presence will quiet me and make me content.

    You however sound like you feel nervous if you don't entertain him 24/7. Relax..he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't be there. Let him enjoy your presence, you don't have to be on stage constantly
    Spoken like a wise one..

    ISTP's are funny creatures. I can remember hiking with a person I hadn't known very long. A few weeks before they'd asked me to serve as a groomsman at their wedding.

    All the other guys had years of more time and history...

    We rambled on all the way up and down that mountain, on the ride back it got quiet and it stayed that way for miles and miles. Just the wind coming in through the windows and music playing. Eventually the music went off...just the sound of the wind.

    Wasn't until that moment I decide that this person is someone that I trust.

    Wasn't until those moments that the other ISTP decided that he wanted for me to plan his bachelor party.

    Both cases an unspoken after thought, wasn't listening to anything but the wind and one's state of just being in the physical realm.

    There's a lot to be said for being comfortable with another human being in silence. Wasn't until years later we had a conversation where we'd individually identified those silent moments as being key to ten years of good will.

    For me, feeling comfortable in silence with another human being and sensing that they are also comfortable. Tells me more about a person, than they could do or say.

  6. #16

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    Hey I can totally relate I've had this happen and I'm glad someone out there understands. Especially this part..

    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post

    1) insecurity - i am subconsciously looking for reasons for us not to be compatible, so we have one tiny little lull and i am like AH-HA! i knew it! run!
    I think the problem is taking a moment of silence WAY too seriously. Maybe it'd be weird even to never have quiet times. Well hah, your view on this might differ, as you're an E. But still, I think it's pretty natural and shouldn't cause doubts about the relationship as a whole. Actually I think worrying about it makes it worse because it can make you tense and self-conscious.
    We always have a choice.

  7. #17
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i've never known how to deal with this either. it just seems sad to me. depressing. the only word worse than uninspired is callous. i want to be learning something new! with Ne-Ni it's easy to go on forever and feel like you're always getting somewhere worth going. i think for me, tho, being an sx/sp, it's also that i have no interest in being around others unless we are communicating deeply. otherwise, it just starts to feel distracting/intrusive.

  8. #18
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    I had a long term relationship with a guy I had really great conversations with. He also talked my ear off at horrible times, like when I first woke up in the morning or just got home from work. We'd talk on the phone for hours until we argued. It became very tiring.

    It would be nice to be with someone who I could talk to, but who also could just sit in a comfortable silence with me. That's like my fucking dream come true. *stalks introverts*

    If the guy you're with reassures you nothing is wrong, just go with it. I know what it feels like to be paranoid something is wrong, I'm ENFP like that too, but sometimes you just need to breathe.

  9. #19
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Not being able to tolerate silence and pauses in conversations was the main way that severe social anxiety used to manifest itself for me. I dealt with this irrational fear by focusing my attention outwards and noticing that other people were just fine to be quiet and sit there, so therefore it was fine for me too. Now I'm pretty much comfortable with it, regardless of who I'm with - SO, friends, acquaintances, strangers.


    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I personally find that the moment I can just relax and sit back quietly in someone's presence, it means I feel utterly comfortable with them and free to be myself. And that's a special moment to me. So I tend to just sit quietly smiling, or tossing them a glance occasionally and even more fun is just snuggling up with them without saying a word and even while doing something else, watching tv, reading a book, even playing on the pc. Physical touch is incredibly reassuring to me, but even their presence will quiet me and make me content.
    Indeed. Getting to the point where you actively enjoy just being together without talking is pretty awesome, regardless of whether it's a friend or SO.

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Yeah go out and do something. Then you can talk about that, then that will lead to other conversations.
    That can help too. Also, if you go out and do stuff together then it could help to make her realise that silence is fine, because if you're being active, it makes it more obvious that talking continuously is so unnecessary.

    Quote Originally Posted by sLiPpY View Post
    For me, feeling comfortable in silence with another human being and sensing that they are also comfortable. Tells me more about a person, than they could do or say.
    Yep.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  10. #20
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    I have a theory.

    The tertiary function, along with being the temptation, is also the "Gee, what do we do now?!" function. ("Do" is defined very broadly.) So, for an ISTP, when other stuff has expired, "do" is private noodling along, considering possibilities in depth and interior views on the symbols and connections of all things. For ENFP, it's decisions about processes and what's true around them.

    That's to say, what revitalises one's interest in keeping on going forward? A shot from the tertiary hip flask, and then everything's okay again.

    The anxiety associated with not being able to resort to the tertiary from time to time ends up being dissatisfaction and an eventual claim of "We're just not connecting anymore."

    Or maybe that's just a tertiary F thing. Dunno
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

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