Hi all I'm new.
I don't know too much about all this personality typing malarky, but what I do know is my whole life feels like I've been stuck trying to understand myself and my bizarre (in terms of perceived 'norms' of societal expectations) behaviours, and the way I am forever a contradiction.
I like people, for the most part. I am fascinated by them and the way in which they work. I read them almost as if they were books, with pages to be turned and plots or little facts or anecdotes to be mulled over. I have friends who I love, but never feel truly a part of their worlds, or the world for that matter.
I can't be around them for too long though, without it draining me. To be a sounding board for people to off load onto is almost like standing under a shower that's too hot or too cold, and you need to turn it off after a while.
I digress. My big issue here is myself, and my position within the world, well, my world as it were. I never really felt like I fitted in anywhere. Perhaps this is to do with the fact I moved around a lot as a child. Pretty much every year at least. No siblings, dearly longed for one. Iceberg absent father (engineer, most probably INTP.) Beautiful, loving, but neurotic mother who I never felt quite belonged on this planet. (Nurse and often enough an inpatient herself.) Almost angel like, but too fragile for lifes sometimes crushing events.
I look for meaning in everything, even what is seemingly completely irrelevant. I am always seeking answers when I don't even know the questions half the time. Living always with an identity crisis, not feeling comfortable within my own skin.
One of my favourite films is bladerunner. Not only because of the bleak, rainy cinematography juxtaposed with the bright neon lights of china town. Perhaps this attraction to opposites is merely a reflection of the contradictions I see in myself... But, also the whole theme of indentity. Human or replicant? In Rachael's case, not knowing whether she is either. In Roy Batty's, facing up to and accepting his own mortality. Deckard, the realisation that he may in fact be the antithesis to everything he stands for. (A replicant, unwittingly killing off his own kind as they are somehow inferior or expendable, thus realising that perhaps life of ANY kind is not to be wasted or its purpose or potential underestimated.)
It's the intricate symbolism too, which draws me in like a magpie. The origami unicorn, informing Deckard we can but assume, of his true identity.
I type as an INFJ apparently. So I just wanted to say hello to you all, and ask anyones thoughts on this as a whole. P.S. I love the internet. It allows me to say what I want to say with little to no repercussions lol.