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[MBTI General] David and Jonathan � "He loved him as his own soul."

tortoise

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Aug 25, 2010
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I found this thread while doing some googling on Jonathan and David. I had a friend years ago--we were 14 and 15--and we bonded as soul mates like David and Jonathan. Unfortunately, his parents, and the church we were attending thought we were homosexuals and it ended up being a huge fiasco. I was really hurt and eventually had to leave the church. To this day my friend and I don't talk.

Anyways, I think anything can be sexualized, but things don't have to be. My friend and I were not gay, we just connected. I'd like to write a book about how we've lost a lot of positive same-sex affection in our culture because of our tendency to sexually pressurize everything.

I'm not exactly sure how to write the book--whether to focus on my experience, to turn it into a novel, to gather other people's stories, to write it topically... Any suggestions?

Yes, very important you turn it into a novel or gather other people's stories -- do something with it.
 

benjamindavids

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Thanks for the encouragement! I am totally on board with you. Thus far in my life, I have learned that that sort of love--committed friendship that is unselfish, willing to work through disagreements, and connected at a deep level--is so much more fulfilling than mere infatuations or shallow acquaintances. I am not married yet, but when I do, I hope I marry someone with whom I share a soul bond--not just a strong initial attraction or a sexual intimacy.
 
E

Epiphany

Guest
Tangent: I always saw David as INFJ. He had a very very severe sense of right and wrong (I can't imagine an INFP male saying "Let me tackle the 8' tall giant because he has defamed God!", the INFP would waver back and forth at that age and not want to hurt anyone typically even if he was offended... David even at THAT age was ruthless, severe, and aggressive.) Even later in life, he had sharp opinions and took action based on them. This has been fairly typical of INFJ guys I have known; but not typical INFP, who interacts primarily with world through Ne.

I don't really agree with this, at least from my own experience. When I was religiously zealous, I would get into heated debates over my values with people that would invoke great verbal wrath and had it been a personal encounter, it may have developed into a physical altercation if the wrong thing was said. Yeah, I know...not very Christ-like.

Don't assume that because INFP's are generally peaceful that there isn't a raging antagonist inside waiting for someone to cross that forbidden line.

I think one irony about gay people being more visible is that it seems to have had a negative effect on male intimacy in general. Straight men today seem very paranoid about non-sexual emotional and physical intimacy with another man being interpreted as gay. I think that's too bad, because men in general don't built the kind of emotional support networks that women do.

So true!

I found this thread while doing some googling on Jonathan and David. I had a friend years ago--we were 14 and 15--and we bonded as soul mates like David and Jonathan. Unfortunately, his parents, and the church we were attending thought we were homosexuals and it ended up being a huge fiasco. I was really hurt and eventually had to leave the church. To this day my friend and I don't talk.

Anyways, I think anything can be sexualized, but things don't have to be. My friend and I were not gay, we just connected. I'd like to write a book about how we've lost a lot of positive same-sex affection in our culture because of our tendency to sexually pressurize everything.

I feel the same way about my best friend. Before he got married, people used to make comments that we were gay, but we are just really close friends and comfortable enough in our heterosexuality to not let other peoples' opinions bother us.

Growing up in church, David was always my favorite biblical figure. The story of him fighting Goliath impressed me as a child. Then when I got older, I heard about his adultery with Bathsheba and couldn't understand how "a man after God's own heart" could steal another man's wife, despite having a harem of his own, and then kill him to cover up his sin. He was quick to pass judgement when the prophet gave a metaphor about a rich man who had many sheep and stole the only one from his neighbor; David insisted that this man deserved to die and was completely oblivious that it was in reference to him. David seems like a conflicted, but passionate individual. He feigned insanity to spare his own life, which seems like quite a contrast to his valor on the battlefield.

I always liked this artist's perception of David, moreso than any other depiction of the young shepherd.

 

benjamindavids

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Essay or fiction?
You might be interested in reading Carson McCullers' The Ballad of the Sad Cafe.

I just read the synopsis of that book--it sounds really interesting. Currently I am leaning towards writing a didactic metaphor--so a cross between fiction and essay form. Kind of like a Gene Edwards novel.
 

benjamindavids

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I feel the same way about my best friend. Before he got married, people used to make comments that we were gay, but we are just really close friends and comfortable enough in our heterosexuality not to let other peoples' opinions bother us.

Growing up in church, David was always my favorite biblical figure. The story of him fighting Goliath impressed me as a child. Then when I got older, I heard about his adultery with Bathsheba and couldn't figure out how "a man after God's own heart" could steal another man's wife, despite having a harem of his own, and then kill him to cover up his sin. He was quick to pass judgement when the prophet gave a metaphor about a rich man who had many sheep and stole the only ewe of another man; David insisted that this man deserved to die and was completely oblivious that it was in reference to him. David seems like a conflicted, but passionate individual. He feigned insanity to spare his own life, which seems like quite a contrast from his valor on the battlefield.

David does seem to be a conflicted character. And it does seem odd that he is described in such lofty terms. Personally I always fond Joseph to be finer example of character integrity--he held his beliefs in situations in which most people would have felt abandoned by God.

Still, David's love for God, though marred by his gratuitous sins, was evident.

In any case, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with an experience like this. Hopefully as I write I metaphorically I can create my characters in a way that reflects more experiences than my own!
 

Immaculate Cloud

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David does seem to be a conflicted character. And it does seem odd that he is described in such lofty terms.

He he, ever heard of propaganda by monarchists? ;)

This being said, in his favour, the Psalms and other books mentioned him crying over fallen enemies as well as over fallen friends! As if he was some idealist lost in real-politik! Hmm, the advice to Solomon to get rid of so and so in order to secure his throne, well... again, 'real-politik'...

Personally I always fond Joseph to be finer example of character integrity--he held his beliefs in situations in which most people would have felt abandoned by God.

Still, David's love for God, though marred by his gratuitous sins, was evident.

In any case, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with an experience like this. Hopefully as I write I metaphorically I can create my characters in a way that reflects more experiences than my own!

Agree about Joseph being a finer example. In fact, F.B. Meyer wrote a book on Joseph and how he was an OT 'type' of Christ.
 

LavaLucy

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I love this type of all encompassing friendship, it's my dream to have a friendship like that :wubbie: nothing better.
 

Betty Blue

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Great thread! I'll get back to this later.
 

KLessard

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Hey guys--I just wanted to stop back and say that since posting on this thread, I have made the definite decision to start the book project. I started a blog at Benjamin Davids | Deep, Platonic Friendships between Guys are Important. and I would love for any input you have!

Thanks for the inspiration.

I will check it out!
Some interesting references to moving, platonic friendships in literature and movies:

The Cure (Erik and Dexter)
Amazon.com: The Cure: Joseph Mazzello, Brad Renfro, Aeryk Egan, Delphine French, Mona Powell, Andrew Broder, Jeremy Howard, Annabella Sciorra, Diana Scarwid, Rosemary Corman, Mychael T. Rambo, David Alan Smith, Andrew Dintenfass, Peter Horton, Anthon

The Mighty (Max Kane and Kevin Dillon)
Amazon.com: The Mighty: Kieran Culkin, Elden Henson, Sharon Stone, Harry Dean Stanton, Gena Rowlands, Douglas Bisset, Joseph Perrino, Dov Tiefenbach, Michael Colton, Daniel Lee, Eve Crawford, John Bourgeois, Peter Chelsom, Bob Weinstein, Deborah Fort

Jane Eyre (Jane Eyre and Helen Burns)

The Lord of the Rings (Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamegee)
 

benjamindavids

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benjamindavids

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Oh, and the friendship between Samwise and Frodo is also one of my favorites. Sadly, in our modern age of quick satisfaction, the importance of loyalty seems diminished. Too often teens change friends, girlfriends, and cliques like they change their socks. I think we miss out on a huge part of relating to others when we are unable (unwilling, really) to be loyal even through times when we are frustrated with one another.
 

benjamindavids

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@Klessard: "The Cure" was a really sweet film. Great characterization and sensitivity, and a really good job bringing out the social stigma of the disease before too much was known about it. Thanks for suggesting it--it was very helpful!
 

Wild horses

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I have literally met friends and felt like I have met my soul mate... I believe that soul mates can come in many different forms and very often outside eros! One of the weirdest experience I ever had of this was when my little cousin was born and I went to see him for the first time. I looked at him and communicated with him instantly, felt like I had met him before and that bond has never waned. Call me an idealist... but this type of connection definitely exists
 

Thalassa

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I glanced at this thread in live new posts and I thought the above said, "I'm in love with you, Wild Horses."
 
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