[NF] Mothers of NF's

[neptunesnet]

My mom is an iSFP.

She's had a string of odd jobs (soon after she opted not to go to art school) and is pretty whimisical in decision-making. She's a dreamer like me but is more grounded in what is happening now instead of what could be happening. On the surface we look very similar personality-wise, but uh my mother is a better hostess than I am. That makes alllll the difference .

Growing up we had a very strange relationship. From the outside we appeared to be close because we were comfortable being affectionate with each other (i.e, giving hugs, exchanging kind words just because, etc.), but when I grew up a bit there was a slight strain in our relationship ("the FP parent altering her identity to accomodate the new 'adult' identity of the child" drama).

My mother also has a strong Se whereas I'm very Ne. Those two clash a bit. She feels that I have to experience things before I understand them (Se) while I strive to understand things before I have to experience them (Ne). It's frustrating when she tells me something based on her experience although I experience (and I have in the past experienced) things differently than she does (had).

Overall, though, I adore her and love her deeply.
She's way awesome!

FP moms, four da wen!

 

[The Outsider]

ISFJ. One of the most open-minded, balanced and supportive person I know.

 

[Thursday]

Mi madre was a laconic INFP.
Soft and silent ; very secretive. Living together was like two spies working together. I helped her with things without asking, although she was not above flexing her control muscles when my independent/maverick attitude bled into something. Self-indulgent and loved danger and chaos. She always wanted her way and was never satisfied. Did things her way and gave a damn about your way.

 

[Charmed Justice]

My mother test as an ESTJ.

She always kept charts and notes on my behavior and had list of things for me to do posted on my bathroom mirror quite frequently. She believes that sitting down in thought is "doing nothing", which is one still one of our biggest areas of contention even though we haven't lived near each other in many years.

She is constantly doing something, and is very productive, but her nonstop movement and consideration for what else she could be doing drives me nuts. She's said I'm so laid back she wonders if I'm alive because I'm often content to just relax in thought.

She's kept written record of all the things that I need to change and improve about myself since I was about 5(gave me two huge, chronologically organized, and color tabbed, binders full of notes and letters about my behavior dating from that age, one Christmas). Oddly, it came as a complete shock to her when I told her that I didn't admire and respect everything about her. It was around that time that we began having a relationship that we could both define as difficult.

We had major issues surrounding schooling because she sees education as a responsibility, a necessity, and something that is provided by people in positions of authority. I remember, even as a child, believing that everyone was a teacher in someway and that life was learning(a concept she thinks is ridiculous).

While my mother does get on my absolute last nerve quite often, I love her to death, and admire many things about her. I admire her organizational abilities and her dedication to what she defines as excellence. She's also amazing with her hands and very present in her body, able to complete task efficiently and with near perfection. I've never been quick on my hands or feet, my movements are usually slow, and my disposition is typically calm(even under extreme stress), which frustrates her to no end. Also, she's got amazing creativity and work ethic. She takes work and play seriously, which is something I definitely got from her. She always told me, "If you're going to do something at all, at least make every effort to do it right." That always made sense to me.


Our sense of humor is pretty much the same, and so long as we're doing things together, we have a great time. She actually enjoys intellectual conversations, and they often turn into hours long debates between us. She's passionate, and we relate to each other in that way as well. She can and will discuss any topic of conversation, but unless she can figure out how to apply the new knowledge to an action she can perform, it doesn't interest her all too deeply.

 

[Lemonade]

My mother is an ESFJ, and a very broken one. At an early age, I became very bitter, inwardly, towards her. I realized that she was going through a lot, and dropped the negative feelings about how our relationship was. However, I cannot forgive her for how she failed to raise my siblings.

 

[HollyGolightly]

My mother is ENFJ. She has sometimes tested as INFJ but she's matches the ENFJ description perfectly.

Ever since I can remember everyone has adored my mother. She's very charismatic and very "mothering" yet she comes across as someone who would make the perfect best friend. But she really cares about being liked, to the point where she is far too bothered if someone dislikes her. Most of the things she does are to gain people's approval and love. But most people don't see this as they can't see past her charismatic nature.
She's a good mom, she has messed up a bit but I'm not too bothered about it anymore. It's in the past, I care about what she does now and right now she's doing a very good job. She's very supportive and encouraging and is responsible for some of my values.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

Mine's an ISTJ. Very principled, values competency, critical, very organized, gets to business, picky, hard to please, lives in the now, very very practical, but absolutely brilliant. She can be caring too, it's like an INFJ lives inside her, but she doesn't express it.

 

[GirlFromMars]

Mine is INFJ.

She's seriously one of the most caring, generous, selfless most of the time, people you could meet. She's lovely. But, often to a fault. She had a pattern of gong with unhealthy/abusive men (starting with my so-called "father") and staying in the relationship way too long, because she has this rescuer syndrome. She gives everybody the benifit of the doubt, and see them as a wounded little puppy, when they're infact evil people. Yes, they may well be hurt, but they're also evil.

So I've been exposed to a few horrible men, and never had a stable, nice father figure. She also has had a tendency to expose me to too much, like knowing too much about her problems in relationships - I wish she hadn't got me involved as much. I also wish she didn't bury her head in the sand to the things that were/are very wrong.

I can have great deep/abstract conversations with her, where I know she knows what I'm going on about. We share our abstract/spiritual beliefs, etc. That's quite rare, and lovely to have. I know she'd be there for me in a shot at the end of the day. We have an understanding of each other, and are similar in some ways, but different in others. There are things I wish she did differently, that I'm aware of not doing with my children, and things I definitely will make sure I do.

 

[KLessard]

My mother is ESTJ. That was tough and painful. Such a great contrast, such merciless discipline, such misunderstandings! I know she meant well, but she hurt me more than help me in life. Left me with wounds and a sense of being defective I am still struggling with to this day. We are reconciled now, thanks partly to MBTI and mostly God's grace.
For most things I did or expressed I was seen as rebellious or disobedient, so I spent my childhood being grounded or having chores to do as punishments or to "teach me to be responsible and to take care of a house." I barely played with other children because not being allowed to play with friends was my most common punishment (for as long as a whole month during summer vacation sometimes). I was already a loner- my mom made a hermit out of me.

I believe I was more of an INFP as a child, and her ever present sense of social realities slowly turned me into INFJ. That's the main influence on my character.
The most positive influence she's had on me was how she raised me in a solid knowledge of God and the Bible, and I am very thankful to her for that. But my INFP father was a great model on that level as well.

 

[Seymour]

My mother is ESTJ. That was tough and painful. Such a great contrast, such merciless discipline, such misuderstandings! I know she meant well, but she hurt me more than help me in life. Left me with wounds and a sense of being defective I am still struggling with to this day. We are reconciled now, thanks partly to MBTI and mostly God's grace.
For most things I did or expressed I was seen as rebellious or disobedient, so I spent my childhood being grounded or having chores to do as punishments or to "teach me to be responsible and to take care of a house." I barely played with other children because not being allowed to play with friends was my most common punishment (for as long as a whole month during summer vacation sometimes). I was already a loner- my mom made a hermit out of me.

I believe I was more of an INFP as a child, and her ever present sense of social realities slowly turned me into INFJ. That's the main influence on my character.
The most positive influence she's had on me was how she raised me in a solid knowledge of God and the Bible, and I am very thankful to her for that. But my INFP father was a great model on that level as well.

Heh... that's about the mirror image of my family. I have a fundamentalist ESTJ father and a (now more liberal) xNFP mother. I certainly was often in conflict with my father, which was extremely upsetting and painful at the time. He did inflict impose a lot of practical training that I was thankful for later in life.

My mom was generally great. She suffered through a fair amount of depression as I was growing up, which created some tension in our family. Otherwise, she was mostly there for her kids and gave us a lot of support, time and attention. I think we all benefitted greatly from her emotional support and her acceptance of who we were as individuals.

I pulled away from her after I left home, but it's been nice making friends with her as an established adult. I think my siblings consider her a bit of a loon these days, but I know where she's coming from. It's nice not to be the only loon in the family.

 

[Synapse]

My mother is INFP. A carefree and childlike spirit that happens to be compulsive in her later years and is a challenge communicating with. I understand where her pain comes from and listen to her and get along with her the most from my family naturally. Its like something inside of her just went a long time ago out of the loneliness, she does have a negative attitude. She certainly daydreams, sings and is aloof heaps.

 

[OrangeAppled]

My mother is an ISFJ. She is very much the "Super Mom" type: cooks very well, keeps the home spotless, sews/knits, gardens, is very active in her church/volunteering, etc. Her positives greatly outweigh her negatives. We have a mostly good relationship, but not without the little snags every mother-daughter have. My greatest annoyance is that she can guilt-trip, nag, scold, and be very nosy (typical mom, though, right?). I understand her motive is not bad though, and it's because she cares, but it has anchored me where I have not wanted to be anchored. She fears losing her children to an irrational point at times....

One other point of grievance I have is that my mom is much more emotionally expressive than I am (most of my family is), and she often fails to understand my way of feeling/expressing emotion. When I first got into MBTI, I had a hard time seeing myself as a Feeling type and tested INTP because my idea of Feeling was of a very SFJ type. A few times my mom accused me of being cold/selfish and that was hurtful to me as a child. It's taken me time to see I just have a different way of approaching emotional matters & that is NOT a bad thing. Outside of my family, I see people viewing me very differently: more sweet, more compassionate, etc.

The best thing about having an ISFJ mom is how nurturing and encouraging she was to me as a shy, creative child. I was never criticized for being artsy, offbeat, dreamy, etc. My mom love culture & art, and I was often taken to the library and museums, etc; that natural side of myself was encouraged and even celebrated. I also was given structure & learned social protocol, in a good way....probably why I am not a slob and I can appreciate the value of a thank-you note .

My mom was also was timid herself as a youth, and she never criticized me for not being as outgoing/friendly as my older ESFP sister. While my mom is very self-sacrificing as most ISFJ profiles indicate them to be, she has backbone and like all the women in my family, tends to wear the pants in her marriage. I think that has influenced me to seem/be less "gentle" than some might expect of an INFP. At work, school, etc, if I was not sure how to deal with a conflict, then I would often get the push from my mom, and now I am less timid than I might be naturally. I have a feeling my ESFJ grandma pushed her when she was a timid, young ISFJ.

And this was much longer than I intended....

 

[Glycerine]

INFP-she's really cheesy and one of the sweetest people I know. I have a rather strong bond w/ her. She's one of the "light and fluffy" INFPs. This is a good contrast to her over-analytical, sometimes way too serious ENFJ daughter. Her care-free and calm personality helps to me to step back and get back to reality in my times of crisis.

 

[Willywallywoo]

I was raised by both my grandmother and mom..

My mom was an INFJ or ENFJ, though she never cared directly about being liked as far as I could tell.
She was extremely imaginative and had an amazing, colorfull and rich inner world. She wrote books and manuscripts for film (not famous though), books was her life, she had tons of them and adored all of them. She also studied litterature sience.
She was into everything from mystic subjects, to history, to metaphysical subjects, to religion history (she was very spiritual also, though I wont say religious either in a traditional form), to society in general and politics- and was extremely into welfare and "good".
As a mom she was extremely caring, loving, present, involved, supportive, encouraging, never-ending interessted in everything about me, albeit a tad bit overprotective lol. We had a very strong bond, and an almost co-dependant relationship due to the fact we both had that need of helping eachother. We also shared humour. She was the only person to ever see me really mad lol--usually due to this-> Her downside, and the only one I can pinpoint was that she neglected herself a lot and didnt take good enough care of her own needs (Which i recognize very well).
She was an amazing and charismatic person, unfortunatly she passed away fairly young not too long ago.

My gran was an ENTJ and she had her role in my parenting also.
She was rather strict and bossy at times, but very kind hearted and fun.

 

[Queen Kat]

ISFJ or ISFP. I think ISFP, because she's very emotional. I can't remember her ever being happy. She is too responsible, but she has many hobbies. She always tells we that she wants to go travelling to far countries. I tell her to do that, she tells me that she can't because she hasn't got time, I tell her to make time for herself and then she tells me that it's impossible. She's very negative. She loves romcoms, she really cares what others think about her and the rest of the family. She also thinks very negative about herself, she thinks she's ugly, stupid an boring, while she isn't. I feel bad for her.

 

[Southern Kross]

My Mum's a ISFJ and is a strange person of extremes.

She's very maternal, open-hearted, understanding of individuality and has a strong sense of morality. I love her intellectual and cultured mind and her wide interest in a range of subjects - we can talk for hours about all sorts of things. I appreciate that she encourages but never lectures me and is forgiving of my weaknesses. But she is also frequently over-emotional and over-sensitive. Her lack of personal insight and refusal to challenge her own views and behaviours drives me crazy. She can be so incredibly rigid in her opinions without really being able to justify her views and tends to jump to conclusions and judgements. I really hate that she won't watch a film that is challenging, depressing or asks too many questions of the audience. She can make something small and insignificant into a mountain and has the stress levels that go with it. She is a terrible nagger, especially to my Dad but if you try to address the issue she gets upset, angry and defensive.

In terms of influence: I learnt a lot of things regarding morality, respect for others, and personal responsibility from her, which are the most valuable gifts she gave me. I appreciated her never pushing me into becoming what she wanted. I was always left to choose my own path in life and she was always there to support that (and bite her lip when necessary). However I do feel that I may have benefited from a push now and then, and I regret times when some advice and direction from her may have helped. She has always had problems with self-esteem, which I have also have had, however I feel I deal with it so much better than her. One of her biggest influences on me has been her lack of emotional control and self-awareness which heightened my strong personal emphasis on self-possession and introspection.

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

My mum is ENFJ. While she can be a little outspoken on occasion, it is only when it is something that really matters and will affect the welfare of someone else. She's one of the most involved, sacrificing mothers I have met. She is energetic, creative, strong, unexpectedly funny, orderly and a great sounding board to discuss ideas with. Throughout my adult life we talk to each other pretty much every day and I would consider her my best friend. I think because my dad was less involved with us growing up, and even though he cares does not put himself in other's shoes emotionally sometimes my mum tried to overcompensate, particularly in my oldest brother's case.

This is EXACTLY my mother, who is also an ENFJ. I love her to no end. If I have a problem, it is her problem too, and she is fierce. She is very loving and strong, and.. YES, definitely unexpectedly funny!

 

[Laurie]

Shouldn't we be including birth order in this? I have 3 siblings (+2 more and a parent change after I was 7) so birthorder would be an interesting part of it.

 

[Stanton Moore]

MOM: probably ESFJ.

I never felt understood by her in the slightest, but she will accept my reasoning and hep me with anything. She is very open to new experiences and very caring. If I called her right now and asked for $20,000, she would write a check with no questions asked. I'm sure of that.

My dad was a bi-polar INTP. His mental illness covered the family and my mother like a shadow.

 

[Sparrow]

My INFJ mom was very understanding and wasn't strict at all, she let me go out and experience the world on my own. She used to have tons of friends and was active in the church community but for some reason became a hermit, she said she didn't like how all the Korean ladies gossiped. When I was a child I rarely saw her mad, not until I was a teenager. I saw her reallllly freak out a few times, that's where I get my temper I guess. My mom is soft spoken, very sweet, and responsible, she wears the pants in the relationship always keeping my dad on point. I love me mum <3