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[NF] Mothers of NF's

Starry

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May 22, 2010
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6,103
I just read through this entire thread for the very first time (Thx Sparrow for bringing it back to life)...and I am blown away by how many NFs were 'produced' by xSFJ mothers. My mother is ESFJ. She drives me absolutely insane...but I do love her very much.

My ESFJ mother & INTJ father produced 3 ENFP children in a row & then my youngest sib IxTJ.

I have somehow come to believe that ENFPs were 'produced' by my parents because ENFPs are the only type that could 'survive' the 'craziness' I was raised in. Seriously. :yes:
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
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Dec 20, 2009
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945
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7w8
I just read this thread all the way through for the first time as well.

My mother was an INTJ. (And, father is an ENTP.)

Her INTJ-ness was both a good and bad thing. Being dominant N, she and I could communicate very, very easily. But her J-ness. Ohhhhhh.... her J-ness. And, her T-ness. Well, let's put it this way: She had zero appreciation for my emotional sensitivity and my spontaneity.

On top of this, she struggled with predictable issues of her personality being outside of gender stereotype. My mother was reserved, calm, and collected. She could be terse and blunt in the name of expediency. Time and time again, I saw her have to battle with the disparity between the expectations of others for her to behave like June Cleaver and her innate desire to read a good book by herself. She had ZERO interest in my father's social commitments. And, little tolerance for my extraversion.

It's a miracle I didn't turn out more loopy than I did.
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
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Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
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eNfj
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2
Mine is an ISxJ. Extremely good at taking care of our practical needs and preparing us to be adults (education, how to cook, how to pay bills, etc), but emotionally distant. I can't remember having a non-practical conversation with her until I was an adult. Any time I tried to talk to her about why I was upset about something, she basically told me to suck it up (but in a nice way). I think she feels quite a lot in reality, she just doesn't know how to talk about emotions.
 

Forever_Jung

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May 23, 2009
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2,644
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My mother is an INFJ e2, so she has turbo-charged Fe. It is very easy to mistake her for an ENFJ. Anyway, she was very good to me. I was VERY VERY close to her (almost to an unhealthy extent) when I was little, and so I was socially eaten alive in the early years of public schooling. But then by the time the teens rolled around I reacted strongly against her in an attempt to get my own sense of identity. I acted in the exact opposite way I thought she would and it's only now, that I am starting to realize how much like her I am.

I guess that I am lucky to have an NF mother, because apparently some NF's feel very misunderstood by their SP/SJ/NT parents. Not that other temperaments of parents aren't loving and understanding as mothers, but I think NF's especially want to be understood. And naturally, it's easier for a parent to understand a child of the same temperament. I have an ISTP father, and as much as he cares about me, I feel as though he is sometimes confused and disappointed by my seeming indifference to concrete/mechanical endeavors.
 

Eckhart

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Jan 6, 2010
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???
My mother is an ISFJ. She is (overly) caring and loving, although she doesn't seem to be very close to people outside of family. Always hard at work, rather religious, very down to earth and very responsible in many ways. She gave some stability in my life which I guess helped me in some ways. I love her very much, although we also argue a lot, sometimes quite heavily. Some aspects of her often clash with mine, and often she drives me simply crazy, but we get over it after some time always.

Besides giving me stability, she might have influenced me though also badly in some ways. She seemed to lack understanding of me very often and shows little interest in many things which interest me. She pushed me always as a child into being just like the other children in my age, although I never have been and never wanted to be. I was supposed to do sports activities I didn't like etc., go more outside even when I didn't have friends etc., and she wasn't too happy with what I did myself. She made me feel bad for being not so hard-working as she is when I grew older (which barely anyone is to be honest). Since I didn't have other people in my life who could balance that out I developed over time the feel of defectiveness, low self-confidence and created massive walls around myself and isolated myself from other people more and more. Actually people encouraged the same thing only. It will have shaped my whole life for sure, which has both negative and positive aspects though I guess. It is difficult though to get over those walls or just behave more natural, although I make progress maybe.

She became a little bit more open and tolerant about some things over the time, which I may have been a reason too maybe? However she is still not very open for things in general, and I know she will never understand me truely. However I know she will love me as her child even if I am different than her.

edit: Ah yes, she also does this "it is only for your best" stuff.
 

tkae.

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Sep 4, 2010
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INFP
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5w4
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sx/sp

Aleksei

Yeah, I can fly.
Joined
Mar 10, 2010
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ENTJ
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7w6
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sx/sp
Crazy ENFP 4w3.
 

Thalassa

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Hmmm ...spent most of crucial birth through 6 years with ISFJ grandmother...very sweet, nurturing, quiet, orderly, tidy, affectionate, and still a reasonable disciplinarian, not overly permissive or anything but also very fair and not hard handed. I was kind of spoiled because my grandparents felt bad for me because my dad was a loser and my mom suffered from depression and anorexia, then got re-married to a man who didn't want anything to do with a child from her prior marriage (turns out this was in my best interest, anyway). I had lots of toys and dolls and was indulged in a very "girly girl" sort of way by her, while my grandfather was bigger on education and teaching me to read (though he did like to bring me candy). Overall I think it nurtured my ENFP need for both attention and space to be very imaginative because I was indulged in that 'only child' sort of way for a time, even though I wasn't an only child in reality.

Then after my grandmother died my grandfather's last wife, an EStJ, was a very powerful, forceful, strict, systematic and orderly person. She did all the things a parent "should do" in terms of structure and stability and nutritious meals and bed times and recognizing holidays and letting me join the girl scouts and have slumber parties and all that, but she was INSANELY STRICT and the older I got, she was just way too hard on me. She married my grandfather when I was about 7 or 8, and by age 11 she'd practically become a drill sargeant with me. I think it made me a stronger person, maybe "harder" than some NFs, and forced me to develop my Te at a younger age. I am both thankful to her for that, yet pained by the anger she instilled into me.

So there you go.
 

Aleksei

Yeah, I can fly.
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Oh, the thread was about describing my mother. My bad.

Well, my mom is really cool, to say the least. Very affectionate, will always be looking to cheer you up and always has a smile on her face. Great artist (Arguably the greatest poet this little country's ever seen. She came in 7th in an international female poet meet -- and she was the only one who didn't have a talent other than reciting her poetry). Tough disciplinarian in a brutally Te manner. She even made fun of herself for it... Called herself the drill sergeant.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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My mom is probably an IXFP. Her expertise is in early childhood education and she was a really fun mother growing up. She was never controlling, but often worried because her life was so hard. She never pressured us to succeed, but we all ended up working hard and loving our education. She specifically told us that she would love us no matter what happened, regardless of what mistakes we ever made in life. One thing I appreciated most was when I was in junior high and had days when I was too stressed to go to school, she would write me a note and believed that sometimes "people just need a day off". I love that she is so non-regimented and free-spirited. She thrives on change. She has no anger or resentment even though her life has been hard, and she encountered horrible people. What I feel worst about is that i don't still hold to her same religious beliefs which causes her some anxiety because she hopes for us all to be together and happy in heaven someday away from all the heartache in the world. :eek:)
 

Thalassa

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ISFJ or ISFP. I think ISFP, because she's very emotional. I can't remember her ever being happy. She is too responsible, but she has many hobbies. She always tells we that she wants to go travelling to far countries. I tell her to do that, she tells me that she can't because she hasn't got time, I tell her to make time for herself and then she tells me that it's impossible. She's very negative. She loves romcoms, she really cares what others think about her and the rest of the family. She also thinks very negative about herself, she thinks she's ugly, stupid an boring, while she isn't. I feel bad for her.

Sounds more ISFJ than ISFP.
 

CrystalViolet

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I recently discovered my mother fitted the working definition of a narcissist.
That should pretty much say it all, if any one is farmilar with narcissits.
We don't talk, we never will again, apart from passing greetings and birthday wishes.
She never understood me or what motivated me....
It's like the final piece of my puzzle though, the last hurdle to deal with from my childhood,
before my future's truly mine (it's mine already)....so much damage to repair, but I will no longer be a product of my mother's insecurities.
 

kyuuei

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I dunno what type my mother is. But..

1. She loves babies and kids. I don't think she intended to be a mother when she first became one.. but I'm sure she's happy she did. She put her life on hold for nearly 20 years to raise us before shooting for her dream job, which she got to do for a short while.
2. She loves girly stuff. Dresses, make up, decorating the house, shopping, etc. She's like a pig in mud. We have wars constantly over when we can put up christmas stuff, because if she had it her way, it'd be up by August.
3. She loves holidays. Lord forbid we don't dye Easter eggs for easter even though we're all grown adults now. I think she'd really kill me in my sleep if we didn't have a christmas tree decorated a week before christmas at the very latest. She's.... coming arround to Halloween :D But slowly. She likes the cuter decor, whereas I like the gorey, horrifying decor.
4. She's a worrier. She spent nearly the entire time at the hospital with both my sisters while they were having their babies. Entirely unnecessary, but she did. She cried when I went to NEW JERSEY for training, before I left on deployment. The poor thing probably gave herself gray hairs about my enlisting into the army.
5. She makes no logical sense sometimes. "Because I said so" "Because I like it", etc. are her choice phrases. She really liked those growing up. She still doesn't make any sense to me. We argue about things like portion sizes for meals because she'll sneak in and cook for an army when we're only feeding 3 people. :doh:
6. She's awesomely supportive and open minded. If I had ever said "Mom, Im gay", "Mom, I'm really a man", "Mom, I wanna be an elephant when I grow up", I think she would have been a bit put off at first, but she would never have turned her back on me, and she'd be supportive of me.

Although I am not like her at all personality wise.. I could think of no better person to raise me than her paired with my father. She gave me the room and the freedom to be my own person, and never much complained even though I knew it hurt her when I was looking for my identity growing up and distanced myself from her for a short while. We're close now. We talk all the time.. how much I let her into my life is limited, but it's limited in the same way it is for everyone, friends and family alike.. not because she's my mother or her in particular.
 

Chloe

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May 1, 2009
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My mom is book case ISTJ. Hard working, responsible, accountant/finance, loves her job, precise. She has very high self esteem, good opinion o herself. She is also an enneagram 4, so she cares only about her emotions. She likes to make drama when something isnt about her. She likes to be alone a lot l, doesnt have a need for closeness only for socializing. She is quite social when she is "on". She is very neurotic and worries a looot about financial stuff, it gives her sense of meaning to escape fron her pain and aloneness. But she choses this emotionless life, likes to eat and watch tv all day when not working.


because of our types and because she is emotionally blocked completely - we never bonded at all. I ak more okay with it now than before, but damn how itd be cool if i had enfp mom. Cant really imagine that
 
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