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Thread: Mothers of NF's

  1. #21
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    My mom is an iSFP.

    She's had a string of odd jobs (soon after she opted not to go to art school) and is pretty whimisical in decision-making. She's a dreamer like me but is more grounded in what is happening now instead of what could be happening. On the surface we look very similar personality-wise, but uh my mother is a better hostess than I am. That makes alllll the difference .

    Growing up we had a very strange relationship. From the outside we appeared to be close because we were comfortable being affectionate with each other (i.e, giving hugs, exchanging kind words just because, etc.), but when I grew up a bit there was a slight strain in our relationship ("the FP parent altering her identity to accomodate the new 'adult' identity of the child" drama).

    My mother also has a strong Se whereas I'm very Ne. Those two clash a bit. She feels that I have to experience things before I understand them (Se) while I strive to understand things before I have to experience them (Ne). It's frustrating when she tells me something based on her experience although I experience (and I have in the past experienced) things differently than she does (had).

    Overall, though, I adore her and love her deeply.
    She's way awesome!

    FP moms, four da wen!

  2. #22
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    ISFJ. One of the most open-minded, balanced and supportive person I know.

  3. #23
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Mi madre was a laconic INFP.
    Soft and silent ; very secretive. Living together was like two spies working together. I helped her with things without asking, although she was not above flexing her control muscles when my independent/maverick attitude bled into something. Self-indulgent and loved danger and chaos. She always wanted her way and was never satisfied. Did things her way and gave a damn about your way.
    I N V I C T U S

  4. #24
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    My mother test as an ESTJ.

    She always kept charts and notes on my behavior and had list of things for me to do posted on my bathroom mirror quite frequently. She believes that sitting down in thought is "doing nothing", which is one still one of our biggest areas of contention even though we haven't lived near each other in many years.

    She is constantly doing something, and is very productive, but her nonstop movement and consideration for what else she could be doing drives me nuts. She's said I'm so laid back she wonders if I'm alive because I'm often content to just relax in thought.

    She's kept written record of all the things that I need to change and improve about myself since I was about 5(gave me two huge, chronologically organized, and color tabbed, binders full of notes and letters about my behavior dating from that age, one Christmas). Oddly, it came as a complete shock to her when I told her that I didn't admire and respect everything about her. It was around that time that we began having a relationship that we could both define as difficult.

    We had major issues surrounding schooling because she sees education as a responsibility, a necessity, and something that is provided by people in positions of authority. I remember, even as a child, believing that everyone was a teacher in someway and that life was learning(a concept she thinks is ridiculous).

    While my mother does get on my absolute last nerve quite often, I love her to death, and admire many things about her. I admire her organizational abilities and her dedication to what she defines as excellence. She's also amazing with her hands and very present in her body, able to complete task efficiently and with near perfection. I've never been quick on my hands or feet, my movements are usually slow, and my disposition is typically calm(even under extreme stress), which frustrates her to no end. Also, she's got amazing creativity and work ethic. She takes work and play seriously, which is something I definitely got from her. She always told me, "If you're going to do something at all, at least make every effort to do it right." That always made sense to me.


    Our sense of humor is pretty much the same, and so long as we're doing things together, we have a great time. She actually enjoys intellectual conversations, and they often turn into hours long debates between us. She's passionate, and we relate to each other in that way as well. She can and will discuss any topic of conversation, but unless she can figure out how to apply the new knowledge to an action she can perform, it doesn't interest her all too deeply.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #25
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    My mother is an ESFJ, and a very broken one. At an early age, I became very bitter, inwardly, towards her. I realized that she was going through a lot, and dropped the negative feelings about how our relationship was. However, I cannot forgive her for how she failed to raise my siblings.

  6. #26
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    My mother is ENFJ. She has sometimes tested as INFJ but she's matches the ENFJ description perfectly.

    Ever since I can remember everyone has adored my mother. She's very charismatic and very "mothering" yet she comes across as someone who would make the perfect best friend. But she really cares about being liked, to the point where she is far too bothered if someone dislikes her. Most of the things she does are to gain people's approval and love. But most people don't see this as they can't see past her charismatic nature.
    She's a good mom, she has messed up a bit but I'm not too bothered about it anymore. It's in the past, I care about what she does now and right now she's doing a very good job. She's very supportive and encouraging and is responsible for some of my values.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  7. #27
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Mine's an ISTJ. Very principled, values competency, critical, very organized, gets to business, picky, hard to please, lives in the now, very very practical, but absolutely brilliant. She can be caring too, it's like an INFJ lives inside her, but she doesn't express it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  8. #28
    Senior Member GirlFromMars's Avatar
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    Mine is INFJ.

    She's seriously one of the most caring, generous, selfless most of the time, people you could meet. She's lovely. But, often to a fault. She had a pattern of gong with unhealthy/abusive men (starting with my so-called "father") and staying in the relationship way too long, because she has this rescuer syndrome. She gives everybody the benifit of the doubt, and see them as a wounded little puppy, when they're infact evil people. Yes, they may well be hurt, but they're also evil.

    So I've been exposed to a few horrible men, and never had a stable, nice father figure. She also has had a tendency to expose me to too much, like knowing too much about her problems in relationships - I wish she hadn't got me involved as much. I also wish she didn't bury her head in the sand to the things that were/are very wrong.

    I can have great deep/abstract conversations with her, where I know she knows what I'm going on about. We share our abstract/spiritual beliefs, etc. That's quite rare, and lovely to have. I know she'd be there for me in a shot at the end of the day. We have an understanding of each other, and are similar in some ways, but different in others. There are things I wish she did differently, that I'm aware of not doing with my children, and things I definitely will make sure I do.
    INFP~ 4w5 ~ sx/sp ~ IEI ~ Libra

  9. #29
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    My mother is ESTJ. That was tough and painful. Such a great contrast, such merciless discipline, such misunderstandings! I know she meant well, but she hurt me more than help me in life. Left me with wounds and a sense of being defective I am still struggling with to this day. We are reconciled now, thanks partly to MBTI and mostly God's grace.
    For most things I did or expressed I was seen as rebellious or disobedient, so I spent my childhood being grounded or having chores to do as punishments or to "teach me to be responsible and to take care of a house." I barely played with other children because not being allowed to play with friends was my most common punishment (for as long as a whole month during summer vacation sometimes). I was already a loner- my mom made a hermit out of me.

    I believe I was more of an INFP as a child, and her ever present sense of social realities slowly turned me into INFJ. That's the main influence on my character.
    The most positive influence she's had on me was how she raised me in a solid knowledge of God and the Bible, and I am very thankful to her for that. But my INFP father was a great model on that level as well.

  10. #30
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    My mother is ESTJ. That was tough and painful. Such a great contrast, such merciless discipline, such misuderstandings! I know she meant well, but she hurt me more than help me in life. Left me with wounds and a sense of being defective I am still struggling with to this day. We are reconciled now, thanks partly to MBTI and mostly God's grace.
    For most things I did or expressed I was seen as rebellious or disobedient, so I spent my childhood being grounded or having chores to do as punishments or to "teach me to be responsible and to take care of a house." I barely played with other children because not being allowed to play with friends was my most common punishment (for as long as a whole month during summer vacation sometimes). I was already a loner- my mom made a hermit out of me.

    I believe I was more of an INFP as a child, and her ever present sense of social realities slowly turned me into INFJ. That's the main influence on my character.
    The most positive influence she's had on me was how she raised me in a solid knowledge of God and the Bible, and I am very thankful to her for that. But my INFP father was a great model on that level as well.
    Heh... that's about the mirror image of my family. I have a fundamentalist ESTJ father and a (now more liberal) xNFP mother. I certainly was often in conflict with my father, which was extremely upsetting and painful at the time. He did inflict impose a lot of practical training that I was thankful for later in life.

    My mom was generally great. She suffered through a fair amount of depression as I was growing up, which created some tension in our family. Otherwise, she was mostly there for her kids and gave us a lot of support, time and attention. I think we all benefitted greatly from her emotional support and her acceptance of who we were as individuals.

    I pulled away from her after I left home, but it's been nice making friends with her as an established adult. I think my siblings consider her a bit of a loon these days, but I know where she's coming from. It's nice not to be the only loon in the family.

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