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Thread: Mothers of NF's

  1. #11

    Default my mom is an intp

    my mom is an INTP . . . so now that i'm older everything finally makes sense . . . seeing how most everyones moms are xSFJs . . . when i was a teen i was embarrassed for having a mom that wears her hair very short, no makeup & wears very bland clothing - i was terrified that i would grow up to look like her (unfeminine) and was very mean to her for a bunch of years (and of course she wouldn't react to any of my meanness) she never gave her opinion about anything i did or would choose unless i pushed & pushed her to do so. now that i'm older i see my friends having a friendship with their mothers doing girly things like going out to lunch & getting pedicures together . . . nope we are not like that. growing up my mom always told me that she didn't understand me & when i was emoting, crying & being a hysterical teenager she always said she didn't know how to help me. she is a great person though & would do anything for me . . . i would just have sit her down & yell & scream in her face for an hour straight in order to get any reaction. that's the only thing that ever worked with her.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array
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    Jan 2009
    EIE None


    My Mom, INFP. Know now for sure, gave her the test and discussed with her.

    I'm still realizing what amazing things my mom taught me, that I've taken for granted but are definitely not "commonplace."

    -Accept everyone. We are all the same. Those less fortunate need more care, not less.
    -Self-esteem is so important. Self-Respect too. Basing decisions on what other people think will make all of that come tumbling down.
    -Know what you believe. (she really instilled Fi in me)
    -Its okay to let the schedule go and just enjoy life...veer from the daily routine.
    Theres plenty more too.

    Some things like not allowing people to take advantage of your kindness and caring I had to learn on my own. But my mom's absence of that had nothing to do with type.

  3. #13


    I have an INTJ mum. We always got along great, I can't remember ever fighting with her and just a few days ago she told me on the phone that we get along well because we complement each other (while she has broken off contact with my brother, an INTP, long story) She gets along well with people but she can be extremely harsh if someone has crossed her a few times too often but since I am a peacemaker by nature (and her daughter) that tough side of hers has never been directed at me.

    Because of her and my brother I developed a strong logical side as a child and teenager so that people would consider me to be very rational, I had to live away from my family to realise that I am actually a strong feeler.

    My mum is very independent-minded and because her mum (ESTJ) always tried to control her my mum gave me as much freedom as possible (which I never really abused, I was never the one to go all crazy) She always gave me a sense of security, stability is very important to her; she encouraged me to read from a young age and bought me a lot of books so that I could discover the world through reading (she was feeding my Ni ) and she was never that involved in anything that had to do with homework, school etc (she just assumed I would be able to handle things by myself which I did). I think I was kind of happy being left to myself a lot, since we are both introverted we understood each others need for alone time.

    Looking back I am very thankful to her for not trying to control me (which wouldn't have worked anyway, I am independent but normally in such a subversive, subtle way that people often don't even realise that I am doing my own thing), for her nurturing my intellectual leanings, for her being understanding (she is the kind of mum where I could have turned up pregnant and instead of shouting at me she would have immediately thought: "How do we deal with this situation?") and always giving me a sense of stability despite her being a single mum.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Array mr.awesome's Avatar
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    Jan 2010


    not sure what type my mother is, im going to take a stab and say shes a istp. could be completley wrong.

    but she is extremely passive in her way of controlling her children. she is very accepting yet very questioning, [always concerned about my happiness, amount of friends i have, etc] she doesnt try to stop me from anything i want, i mean she does, but shes so passive its like she doesnt care sometimes. haha. blessing and curse at once.
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  5. #15
    Reptilian Array Snuggletron's Avatar
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    Sep 2009


    my mom is an ESFJ, the opposite of me when it comes to pretty much everything. We get along well though.

    - free rent
    - tuition is paid (I'm saving money for transfer/car/velociraptor)
    - she washes everyone's clothes
    - she cleans too much and overworks herself
    - she gives me candy

  6. #16
    4x9 Array cascadeco's Avatar
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    Oct 2007
    4 so/sp


    My mom is an ISTJ. She, combined with my father (ISFJ), resulted in my having a very stable, traditional, family-oriented environment growing up. Externally everything was very organized, efficient, and as I say, stable. She tended to be a very anxious person, was tense much of the time. She also was not very emotionally demonstrative. She was prone to being critical of me and she questioned me a lot (questions about very minute details), so I came to learn not to share much with her just because I didn't want the questions/critique, and it was just easier not to even 'go there'. I also think she repressed the majority of her emotions (that was a theme, sort of, of my family dynamics in general...very little emotional expression, and everyone kind of kept to themselves), but she definitely had her moments when I think she realized she needed to let go more, and occasionally her more playful, silly side came out.

    She definitely excelled at tangible things - home-cooked meals every day, always on top of my school events or extracurriculars, shuttling me from place to place, always on time, very dependable and giving in that sense.

    So I guess in the end, despite my never 'connecting' with her or really feeling she understood me or I could talk to her (feeling 'safe' in doing so) without being judged or misunderstood, there were so many other aspects of what she brought to the table as a parent, and in how I was raised, that were really beneficial and positive. My parents definitely wanted my brother and I to 'excel' at life and be prepared for being adults, and providing for us in that way by funding our education and also prioritizing family stuff - family vacations, visiting relatives, etc, of which I have great memories. I think I was really lucky/fortunate in terms of my family environment growing up, despite my feeling like I didn't connect with either of my parents and there was a notable lack of deep conversations or talking about anything, really. I think the stability was the biggest thing, as well as learning at a young age the more practical tasks one has to deal with in life. And although like I said earlier she isn't terribly expressive or affectionate, I know she loves me and I can always depend on her and my father if I would need them.

    We've gotten closer the past 5-8 yrs, which has been nice. She has a good heart, she's just really different from me and it has taken time to accept the nature of the relationship and to really embrace her for all of the positives she brings, and for who she is.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #17
    Senior Member Array
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    Apr 2009


    My mother is an ESFJ and while i feel i can speak with her much more than my ISTJ father, she still annoys me sometimes

    mostly because she doesn't understand me (i also think she would have liked it, if i grew up to be(come) an extravert)

  8. #18
    Senior Member Array Lacey's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    6w5 sp/sx


    Man. I don't know my mother's type, really. I think I've posted maybe 3 different types in the past. I've had her take the tests, and she seems to get a different result every time. I think I'm getting more and more settled on ENFP, though. (She doesn't seem to care about MBTI too much, so she won't ever decide. haha)

    My mom is usually pretty awesome. We butt heads a lot though too. We usually agree on most things, but when we don't it's pretty brutal. I've become wise as I've gotten older and learned to skirt those issues. Because my mom is always right.

    My mom is also my friend. I enjoy hanging out with her. (I've actually chose her over my friends a few times, haha.) I can talk to her about pretty much anything.

    She will always support me in whatever I do. That's one really cool thing about my mom: whatever our interests are become her interests. She's interested in dance because I dance, she knows a ton about horses because my sister rides horses, and my mom is a video game nerd because my brother is too.

    My mom's not so good when it comes to certain things...finances/official business-type things being the major ones. That gets pretty stressful at times. She has a problem getting anything done in a timely fashion. (Although she's really good about keeping the house clean and organized.) She's ruled by her emotions a little bit more than I am, so I find myself having to be the voice of reason sometimes. It's always an adventure for sure, and at least it's fun...most of the time.

    From my teens onward I sometimes ended up being my mom's counselor...but she's been mine too so I suppose it's a fair trade.

    She's one of the wisest people I know, in terms of how to deal with people. She's really charismatic, and people trust in her almost instantly. It's nuts. She's also hysterically funny.

    She's also one of the most resilient people I've ever known. She had a pretty rough childhood, and her marriage sucks, and 3 of my siblings have disabilities. My mom has some anxiety issues, but other than that, is one of the most stable and strong people that I know. I don't know how she deals with all that and is still the amazing person that she is. I want her optimism.

    All of these things to say...I have a great role model. There are a lot of ways where I want to be like her. And I can even learn from her mistakes, since we're similar in so many ways. She'll be there for me, no matter what, and it's always comforting to know you have someone like that. It's also great that she's always accepted me for who I am. I think I can count on one hand the number of people who truly "get" me, and my mom is one of them.

  9. #19
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    Aug 2009


    My mother is an ESFJ. She is a nice person, she would help you if you need something anytime, but for me she is extremely annoying. She always wants everthing her way and wants to know everything about us, but she won't understand me. She always wants us to do what she wants at the time she tell us to do it, and if you try to deal with her she insult you.

    When I was young, when she got mad at me and my dad and he left the house for some time, she told me that it was all my fault, that I was the one who made him leave, and now when she gets mad, she tells me that I'm double faced, that I'm the worst person in the planet and that I get friends because I buy them (I would never do that).

  10. #20
    Crazy Diamond Array Billy's Avatar
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    Oct 2009


    my mother is an ESFJ, I have great love for her and even though we dont always operate on the same level intuitively, she has been a great mom despite her shortfalls and faults as a person I can say without a doubt, being a mother to me and my brothers has always been her top priority. She is one of the best people I know, I will not deal well with her death I know that already, thankfully we still have time left.
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