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  1. #1
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    Default INFJs and ENFJs: how do you behave when meeting a new group in which you know NO ONE?

    INFJs, ENFJs, what do you do when interacting with a new group (none of the members you know in the least) in a long-term setting?

    Additional [optional] questions

    INFJs, what do you think about the "shield" idea? (see below, that section is bolded) When comparing yourself to enfjs you know (if you do) would this account for some differences? Or anything else that comes to mind...

    infjs, can you relate to that vulnerable feeling that comes as a result of thin psychological boundaries?

    I have noticed quite a bit on the forum about the differences and similarities between ENFJs and INFJs. I find the topic very compelling. I have a few questions that are more specific to understanding the delicate differences btwn ENFJs and INFJs, specifically in regard to the is the enfj shy? can infjs be outgoing? debate. But going further than the Xnfj differences... I'm looking at the intricacies, such as the impact of the ordering of function development.

    New INFJ co-worker
    My work has recently been blessed with an INFJ employee. I am fascinated by the difference between she and I, when comparing how we've introduced ourselves and settled in.

    Her Behavior more E initially than mine
    I've noticed that she seems more extroverted than I did in the group setting, when measuring my behavior in the first month of employment. I (as always when among a completely new group) was very quiet, observing individual's behavior as well as doing my best to pick up on group norms.

    Usually in new groups if i know even just one person from the group already I feel comfortable to be outgoing. But it depends on how much info I've gathered about the group. Anything mentioned about ppl I tend to retain well and usually enter the situation with fairly accurate imagery.

    ENFJs thinner boundaries, INFJs have a shield(?)
    The "thin psychological boundaries" of the ENFJ translates into a hive mind feeling of awareness for me. Among the many disadvantages are: moods dependent upon others' emotions, extremely sensitive to others' reactions, however subtle I seem to feel what they feel... I remember always feeling this way but recently I'm becoming aware that others do not. I had an epiphany the other day, watching my new INFJ co-worker, that holy hell, she might not feel that way! Or maybe not as extremely as i do. Maybe her dominant Ni allows her somewhat of a shield from all that. I've noticed she is very well put together, but like a compressed version of me- meaning, when she does share in a group, its not all out on the table. Which I admire.

    I've never had the opportunity to observe an INFJ in a setting that I could compare myself to... in which I possessed prior knowledge of myself in that setting. There was one other INFJ intern at my work, but that in no way paralleled bc she formed bonds with everyone so differently, due to the temporary nature of her length of stay.

    I seem to craft a shield for myself, maybe to augment the kind of shield that im beginning to believe the INFJs have... their inner world is first, so they can kind of watch from inside, protected as everything happens in the external world.

  2. #2
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    I use the shield for a while though I'm not as successful with that as I used to be (patience is wearing a little thin as I get older). Then...I run for my life as soon as I can.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
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    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
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    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
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  3. #3
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    It really depends on the group setting, for me. In a work environment, I'll introduce myself as coworkers start to notice me, but other than that, I try to stay out of the way and focus on the job at hand. I don't speak for all INFJs, but its not that I do not pick up the moods and emotions in the atmosphere, its just that I do not allow them to effect me while I am in a setting where I am vulnerable. In private settings, these thoughts can occupy my mind.

  4. #4
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    In a new group setting where I don't know anyone I mind my own business and let the time decide how things will go. I don't introduce myself individually unless prompted to do so. I mostly wait for others to approach me. I don't initiate personal conversations and try to keep things on professional level. I do keep everybody at an arm's length; however, I'm always open to people when they initiate conversation of personal nature.

    I don't allow the emotions in the atmosphere influence me either. I keep my eyes and ears open, though. Everything seems to be on hold for a while until I've had time to observe the situation, the dynamics in the group and sort of "size up" the people around me. I feel that it gives me a solid footing to continue with the interaction on a more deeper level.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllAboutSoul View Post
    I use the shield for a while though I'm not as successful with that as I used to be (patience is wearing a little thin as I get older). Then...I run for my life as soon as I can.
    Patience runs thin...what is your goal in social situations would you say? Are you saying you have lost patience with what is required for conserving energy while connecting in a group?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lemonade View Post
    ...its not that I do not pick up the moods and emotions in the atmosphere, its just that I do not allow them to effect me while I am in a setting where I am vulnerable. In private settings, these thoughts can occupy my mind.
    K, so more compartmentalization can help. I can do that sometimes, increase that, but that is what requires patience on my part...I need a lot of stimuli and tend to lose focus without staying engaged. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    In a new group setting where I don't know anyone I mind my own business and let the time decide how things will go. I don't introduce myself individually unless prompted to do so. I mostly wait for others to approach me. I don't initiate personal conversations and try to keep things on professional level. I do keep everybody at an arm's length; however, I'm always open to people when they initiate conversation of personal nature.
    Here I read energy conservation, energy conservation, energy conservation... then hmmm....interesting how you are opened when others initiate personal conversation. Getting to know people on a deeper level, you are up for that, but realize you cannot do that with everyone...and me, I am the classic E, wanting to keep things more superficial ( ..... but its true) so I can interact w/more ppl.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Everything seems to be on hold for a while until I've had time to observe the situation, the dynamics in the group and sort of "size up" the people around me. I feel that it gives me a solid footing to continue with the interaction on a more deeper level.
    I do the same, take time to observe, but usually its out of fear instead of to get a solid footing...bc once I plunge in, I REALLY plunge in, and there is NO going back...to observing. That's when people get hurt by my silence.

    Well thank you, this is good understanding on a very detailed level of the "general" E/I differences that we all know but this stuff is so much better. I think there are things that couldn't be discovered without such detail. This is getting me thinking about the advantages to energy conservation, a reminder of incentive for those super stimulating moments to stop wringing the life out of things for ME, not just for other people. There are CONSEQUENCES.

    I'd love to hear more from anyone else if you've got it.

    Added to my knowledge of the differences of INFJs and ENFJs: ENFJs must appear way more impulsive.

  6. #6
    Member LavaLucy's Avatar
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    For me if it's a work setting I am a lot more laid back. I'll talk to people as I meet them and while I am eager to get to know them I know that I'll see them tomorrow so I'll just go slowly and concentrate on my job.
    If it's a social gathering where the 'work' is to socialise I have a bit more trouble. Social anxiety is responsible for some weird behaviour in me so I'm not sure it's the answer you're looking for! I tend to be too extraverted and question asking and keen because I am nervous so I start out very energetically and sometimes say things I don't want to be saying just to be saying something. Then I get tired or bored if it's all people I don't know and just want to be not there.
    The ENFJ at my work introduced herself with: When are you leaving? What, I only just got this job, I said. Why? Won't you bother making friends me if I'm not going to stay for long? And she said Exactly, I'm glad you understand :P

  7. #7
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    When I know nobody I just smile a lot and hope someone will smile back and maybe approach me. I used to be the one to approach others but I can't do that anymore. I have a habit of getting too involved with people and trying to seek their approval too much so I'm trying to distance myself. Yet I'm still very open and friendly....almost to the point where I can appear to be an extravert when meeting someone for the first time.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by LavaLucy View Post
    The ENFJ at my work introduced herself with: When are you leaving? What, I only just got this job, I said. Why? Won't you bother making friends me if I'm not going to stay for long? And she said Exactly, I'm glad you understand :P
    Lol...
    That's so funny. While its so wrong, it is very important to me too I have to admit. Depends on others stuff too but... well, an investment is an investment!

    Quote Originally Posted by LavaLucy View Post
    For me if it's a work setting I am a lot more laid back. I'll talk to people as I meet them and while I am eager to get to know them I know that I'll see them tomorrow so I'll just go slowly and concentrate on my job.
    If it's a social gathering where the 'work' is to socialise I have a bit more trouble. Social anxiety is responsible for some weird behaviour in me so I'm not sure it's the answer you're looking for! I tend to be too extraverted and question asking and keen because I am nervous so I start out very energetically and sometimes say things I don't want to be saying just to be saying something. Then I get tired or bored if it's all people I don't know and just want to be not there.
    Well sure its what i'm looking for... I would love to get this across all settings. I was specific in case anyone would want details to decide whether they want to answer... but really I want to understand everything[one] in the world, so... :P

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    Yet I'm still very open and friendly....almost to the point where I can appear to be an extravert when meeting someone for the first time.
    heheheh....

    Yes, I definitely struggle with approval seeking. My dilemma regarding this subject is understanding past mere perceptions of what is "E" and what is "I". I don't really care what people think I am, E or I. I do care about self-preservation, finding ways to... cuz I'm so intense, I kinda explode, and then there are pieces of me all over the room. Yet initially I can be very slow to warm up to ppl.

    Its just a piece of the puzzle in my never ending path of personal growth. Its like the song that never ends.

  10. #10
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    INFJ here:
    I tend to confidently introduce myself to people I get a vibe that they will connect with me in some sort of way. Others that I feel that I have nothing in common with them, or are trying to make a big impression on, I tend to be a bit more reserved and very polite. I tend to be less emotionally gushy at first and don't impose myself upon others. At first, some people might find me a bit intellectual and removed from the rest of the world. I tend to speak about things based off of logical and rational value systems first. It takes a while for the emotional side to let loose. I tend to be much more guarded about revealing too much about myself. I'll let people know the basics about what I like and dislike, but I'm choosy about what I tell people, you never know who will use information about you and turn it against you.

    I tend to keep to myself in a group setting. I don't mind talking for a little bit, but after a while, I just lose steam and my mind goes off into daydreaming mode. It's what happens when Ni takes over. I find it difficult to concentrate when there's a lot of people around me when I'm doing work. I prefer to work quietly and alone, excepting when it's a lab setting and I would like to get things done efficiently.

    With having Te as my third dominant function, I tend to rationalize emotional stuff. At first, people might think I'm really serious and studious and logical. I'll come up with a scientific explanation for almost anything. Most times I'll default to the INTJ at first, but then warm up a little to INFJ mode.

    Depending on who I'm with, I might come across as either cold and distant, or warm but removed. It depends on the vibe I get from the group. I tend to sit on the fence about which function to use, Te or Fe, when I first approach people.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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