[INFJ] INFJs and ENFJs: how do you behave when meeting a new group in which you know NO ONE?

[Sparrow]

INFJs, ENFJs, what do you do when interacting with a new group (none of the members you know in the least) in a long-term setting?

Im outgoing and friendly, always trying to relate with people some how. If Im in an elevator with a new co worker, I am usually the one to break the ice.

I need a shield or a shell...alot of my co workers feel a little to comfortable with me...they tell me things I do not want to hear, but I dont want to make them feel bad so I usually just listen, I dont have the heart to say go away. In my next job I want to keep to myself a little more. I dont want to be in the middle of everyones drama! lol

 

[hybrid_rainbow]

specifically in regard to the is the enfj shy? can infjs be outgoing?

I think it's a misconception that INFJs are not outgoing. We're actually very outgoing and quite charming, if I do say so myself I think this is most likely because of the Fe. Like ENFJ, the NF allows us to to empathize and communicate with others more easily. The difference between INFJ and ENFJ is that this socialization takes quite a bit of "emotional effort" and can't sustain it for long periods of time. (For example, I find myself getting grouchy at the end of a long night of partying because I don't want to be around so many people anymore)

As for the "shield", it's definitely something that's constantly present for me and I can't seem to turn it off even if I want to. I have a very well established boundary between what I'm willing to share with others and what I must keep to myself. I'm extremely open about the stuff I'm willing to share and I have no problems discussing such things in detail with people I have just met...another reason why I may seem outgoing at first. People don't even have a clue that there's a whole other me I won't show.

 

[Charmed Justice]

I'm quite confident and assertive in a professional or academic atmosphere where I know what's expected, even if I don't know anyone. I feel far more comfortable not knowing anyone in a work setting than in an informal one. Depending on the needs of the group, I'll continue to assert myself, or let other people take over.

I'm very different in informal environments, like parties. I'm mostly reserved and unassertive until I can figure out the ins and outs and the whos and whats. Even still, I'm not a mingler and keep mostly to people I know unless approached. I'm somewhat shy and often at a loss for what to say in informal group situations. I believe my hyper awareness of group dynamics makes me feel anxious. I don't want to intrude, and on some level, I fear rejection resulting from an "intrusion". I'm quite responsive and friendly though, and many people think I'm rather outgoing.

 

[the state i am in]

depends if you're an sx, so, or sp type. Ni dominant infj types are far more likely to get a feel for the situation. so types are more likely to be able to express themselves skillfully enough to maintain a flexible tone and tenor for group interaction. intjs are more likely to use empiricism to test some basic hypothesis and get a sense of what works and what doesn't. enfjs are more likely to listen to others completely and get a sense of the language of the interaction/game. 3 types will figure out what others want too and give it to them in just the right amount to be well-liked.

 

[CocoB]

I am extremely outgoing and find it very easy to communicate and relate with people... even those whom i do not know. I am always talking.. i could be standing in line at starbucks and start a conversation with the person in front of me or behind me. In a work environment i find that i am the same way. Communication has always been a strong point with me and i have never been scared to speak up or strike up a conversation. In groups i will be the individual who is keeping the conversation flowing and alive.

As far as the shield, i would have to agree with Janeen... I WISH i had one. Sometimes i find that people will cling to me... and tell me everything. It is fine and i don't mind sometimes because as an ENFJ i love to inspire people and help people to see their full potential in life. But, sometimes i find that most of my friends and my family are too emotionally demanding of me and it is too much sometimes.. especially when i am dealing with conflicts of my own. And, because of my Fe.. i find it hard to turn people away and feel guilty when doing so, so i rarely do it. I wish i had more of a sheild and i wish i didn't feel so much to the point of placing other people's feelings before mine (Which isn't always bad) and placing so much importance on how other's will feel or percieve things... So the shield thing is something i need to work on.

Maybe i could Buy one? : )

 

[Billy]

Ha, my best friend is an ENFJ, he is very much like you described, he is very sensitive to the atmosphere of peoples emotions. I am too, but in a diluted kind of way. Being introverted and Ni dominant, its like a disconnect, I am there, but im also removed from the atmosphere. My body acts like sensor testers etc, but I am locked away in the control panel working everything with Fe and Ti, i get to analyze 1st then "feel" not the other way around it makes it much easier to know what to share, and what not to.

 

[CocoB]

Ha, my best friend is an ENFJ, he is very much like you described, he is very sensitive to the atmosphere of peoples emotions. I am too, but in a diluted kind of way. Being introverted and Ni dominant, its like a disconnect, I am there, but im also removed from the atmosphere. My body acts like sensor testers etc, but I am locked away in the control panel working everything with Fe and Ti, i get to analyze 1st then "feel" not the other way around it makes it much easier to know what to share, and what not to.

I ENVY you @ Billy... LoL.

You see, I feel THEN analyze based upon my feelings and this is the only thing about being an ENFJ that is frustrating.

 

[Lily flower]

As an INFJ, I have an extremely thin psychological barrier. I get caught up in everyone's emotions. I have a feeling your co-worker may be feeling just as vulnerable, but is able to hide her feelings of vulnerability.

I used to be extremely introverted, but have trained myself to act like an extrovert in public. Then when I get home, I crash completely and need a nap to recover from all the social interactions.

 

[Ethelred the Unready]

She is also self concious about her appearance, she thinks she's unnattractive so she often feels inadequate when she's in a room full of people, especially females. But she hides behind her charm to cover these insecurities, plus she is stimulated by social interaction. Maybe you just have low confidence?

Gosh, you've just described me perfectly!

I always hide behind my 'charm' (if that's what it it) and talk to people right awya, try to find a common ground and things to talk about. Nobody would ever believe me that I'm very nervous inside and I'm 'crapping my pants' (not literally of course).
So my 'charm' is my shield and I always have it up, unless I really trust the person I'm with (only 1 in my life so far).

Low self-confidence? Tell me about it