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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    .....RE feeback: I completely agree with that, I'm a very high feedback person but for me that doesn't necessarily mean approval-seeking. I'm not particularly approval-seeking or a people-pleaser (too much egoism for that!), but I do need to know where and how I stand, positive or negative. In my personal life this isn't so much an issue but professionally it is very much an issue.
    I seek approval, but usually only from my superiors. And most often not even from them enough...I need to work on being more respectful to authority I see myself as the approval giver (thus MY egoism!)

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Am I the only Fe-dom who isn't particularly nervous about this?

    Some anxiety is natural, but I get over it rather quickly. It seems to me that most of the ENFJs who've responded in this thread are especially anxious. Am I understanding correctly?
    If I remember correctly, aren't you closer to the s side of the continuum?
    esfjs, all of em i know, are way comfy w/ brief interactions w/ ppl they've just met. Masters of small talk...and putting people at ease. Me, I have less motivation unless I know i will be getting to know the person better. I think for me the goal is getting to know ppl better, and the esfjs i know, their goal is to put ppl at ease... and ppl typically like the latter more I think maybe us enfjs, myself at least, we get nervous bc we sense others discomfort...but run of the mill discomfort is not enough to motivate me to put the average person's comfort as my #1 priority. I'm more likely to try boosting someone's self esteem or something "weird" like that jk.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    ETA: I went to a job interview in October and while I was nervous I was also really exhilarated. I felt like it was an opportunity to perform and test my skills in a really important way. When I lead a meeting at work, I feel the same way...my excitement overrides my nervousness. I guess, I just view these instances as an opportunity to "test" my Fe.
    ESFJs i know, all of them, are PROS at job interviews and LOVE them. My hubby is esfj, and every job interview he goes to ends up lasting for hours... he once said an interview "didn't go well" bc it lasted 45 minutes

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Integrating myself into a group where I do not know anyone is a tricky matter for me on many levels. Generally, it all really depends on the environment. For example, if I don't feel particularly welcome by the group I don't mind doing my own thing and not being very social. Of course, that usually always results in the group assuming I'm a snob and make me feel even more unwelcome.

    However, at this point in my life I usually put myself out there to break the ice in order to get it over with. I have been stand-offish in awkward/unfamiliar social situations my entire life and it honestly has rarely worked in my favor. Occasionally a "leader" of the group is somewhat aware of introverted tendencies in others and goes out of their way to help me integrate/mingle with everyone. Actually, ExFJs are usually those beautiful people.
    And We ExFJs LOVE doing this kinda thing, so its mutually beneficial, really!
    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    I'm pretty socially adept (Fe and whatnot), but I don't feel an irresistible desire to be social. I honestly don't mind not being part of the group. Sure, it's nice and all... but I can honestly entertain myself. The only thing that ever really gets to me is when the group maintains a "you're either with us or against us" attitude. That usually just results in ridiculous drama that I don't care being part of.

    Hopefully this reply is actually related to the thread...
    Of course it is relevant. You give a honest & descriptive subjective account of anxieties/resistance to socializing an infj like yourself might have. If I understand correctly, you are saying that you don't have an inherent motivation or drive to socialize. The quality of the group has a heavy weigh in value regarding whether you want to put yourself out there.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
    ...In a relationship though, I really don't care about approval. I totally call the shots. Also in my circles of friends, I'm not particularly close to anyone locally, but I don't need their approval.
    Are you this same way?
    Absolutely.

  4. #34
    Senior Member quietmusician's Avatar
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    I'm quiet as soon as I enter the room. But I have this determined appearance about myself, so I've heard. If someone says 'hello' I return the greeting and that's pretty much sums up my interaction for the time being. Of course as the weeks go by there's a chance I will express myself. I do become really nervous and have experienced panic attacks. But I do my best to focus on what needs to get done so I can flee the setting.

  5. #35
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    Oh, I just realized something today. It all depends on the group dynamics for me. For example, I am taking the same professor again this semester. I am a lot quieter and toned down compared to last semester. The difference seems to be that the vibe of the class this semester is calm and quiet while last semester, the vibe was high energy and social. I am a huge sponge...

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    Oh, I just realized something today. It all depends on the group dynamics for me. For example, I am taking the same professor again this semester. I am a lot quieter and toned down compared to last semester. The difference seems to be that the vibe of the class this semester is calm and quiet while last semester, the vibe was high energy and social. I am a huge sponge...
    Like Spongebob Squarepants!!!

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Like Spongebob Squarepants!!!
    Except for I'm not as square.

  8. #38
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  9. #39
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Almost posted something here on Tuesday about that. After the thread on ENFJs manipulating environments, I've been curious about this topic of ENFJs+social settings.

    I was so happy and excited on Tues, just for the start of the school semester, my new job, got to the gym, and some freelance marketing I'm going to be doing. I'm crazy, but have my schedule planned out for over 60 hours of my week and most of that I'll be doing what I love - marketing/design. Two jobs, full time school, a business competition, and the gym this semester. Haha!

    Anyway, after class I spoke with this woman (whom I barely met) and she said my infectious happiness just sitting in her class made her feel happy and "hyper" too that day.

    Makes me feel good to actually make others happy.
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    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
    Anyway, after class I spoke with this woman and she said my infectious happiness made her feel happy and "hyper" too that day.

    Makes me feel good to actually make others happy.
    Yay!

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