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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    INFJ here:
    I tend to confidently introduce myself to people I get a vibe that they will connect with me in some sort of way. Others that I feel that I have nothing in common with them, or are trying to make a big impression on, I tend to be a bit more reserved and very polite. I tend to be less emotionally gushy at first and don't impose myself upon others. At first, some people might find me a bit intellectual and removed from the rest of the world. I tend to speak about things based off of logical and rational value systems first. It takes a while for the emotional side to let loose. I tend to be much more guarded about revealing too much about myself. I'll let people know the basics about what I like and dislike, but I'm choosy about what I tell people, you never know who will use information about you and turn it against you.

    I tend to keep to myself in a group setting. I don't mind talking for a little bit, but after a while, I just lose steam and my mind goes off into daydreaming mode. It's what happens when Ni takes over. I find it difficult to concentrate when there's a lot of people around me when I'm doing work. I prefer to work quietly and alone, excepting when it's a lab setting and I would like to get things done efficiently.

    With having Te as my third dominant function, I tend to rationalize emotional stuff. At first, people might think I'm really serious and studious and logical. I'll come up with a scientific explanation for almost anything. Most times I'll default to the INTJ at first, but then warm up a little to INFJ mode.

    Depending on who I'm with, I might come across as either cold and distant, or warm but removed. It depends on the vibe I get from the group. I tend to sit on the fence about which function to use, Te or Fe, when I first approach people.
    Very interesting, especially about your third function.

  2. #12
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    My way of coping with a new crowd is simple. My shield is up and I'm relatively quiet at first. I will never instigate conversation with people, only continue conversation that's been brought to me.

    Now, this changes when I find someone discussing something of interest to me: philosophy, certain books or movies, etc... In those cases I can spring to life and talk to someone like we've been friends for years.

    I just totally suck at small talk and despise it. But if I have a common thread with someone I get enthusiastic over finding someone I can really talk to. I don't have much in common with people so it happens rarely and it makes me incredibly happy.

  3. #13
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Hmm, it has been a while since I have been in this situation, but I'll see what I can come up with. This is all gonna be related to being new on the job, though.

    In general I'm one to lay low for a while, initially. Lots of observation, getting the lay of the land, getting the feel of the dynamics, the interactions between people, the 'hierarchy', individuals' behaviors and work styles, etc, and just the overall departmental structure. Once I feel I have a good handle on how everything and everyone works, then I'm a lot more confident and comfortable knowing what I can do and how I can go about doing it in an effective way...and how I can contribute most effectively and positively.

    I'm not one to introduce myself to others, but like others have mentioned already if someone comes up to me I'll be personable. Tend to stick to work-related stuff, though, unless I really feel I can connect with someone on a non-professional basis and we have a lot in common; then in those instances I'll be more open and will talk about my personal life. But in general I'm pretty quiet and keep to myself, just doing my work.

    I'm not really one to take part in office gossip/groups huddling around cubicles chit-chatting, though. I might take part for 5 minutes, but will then mosey away.

    In group meetings I'm quiet for much of it, but I also have no problem stating my opinion on something and if I think there's a problem I'll bring it up, and over time I think everyone starts seeking my feedback out. I somehow end up being placed in more of a leadership role once I've been on the job for a while, even though I don't really want to be in charge of anything and would rather be doing my own thing, not having to monitor or instruct anyone else on tasks they should be doing.
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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by scortia View Post
    My way of coping with a new crowd is simple. My shield is up and I'm relatively quiet at first. I will never instigate conversation with people, only continue conversation that's been brought to me.

    Now, this changes when I find someone discussing something of interest to me: philosophy, certain books or movies, etc... In those cases I can spring to life and talk to someone like we've been friends for years.

    I just totally suck at small talk and despise it. But if I have a common thread with someone I get enthusiastic over finding someone I can really talk to. I don't have much in common with people so it happens rarely and it makes me incredibly happy.
    yes well... I do my best at small talk, but only bc its expected of me, being surrounded by ppl who think its extremely important (SJs, no offense to you, but I refer to SJs in my life). I honestly would rather poke my eye out, its pointless dribble.

  5. #15
    Glycerine
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    I'm a borderline ENFJ. It all depends on my mood and the mood of the environment. I might talk a lot and introduce myself but if I can't relate to much of what people are talking about, I keep quiet.

    I relate a lot to the "thin psychological border" thing. This might sound really arrogant and selfish but when I am picking up on someone's discomfort, I sometimes pretend nothing's happening and purposefully zone out as an act of self-preservation. I have learned how to hide behind Ni when I NEED to get away.
    Last edited by Glycerine; 01-03-2010 at 10:51 PM.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I relate a lot to the "thin psychological border" thing. This might sound really arrogant and selfish but when I am picking up on someone's discomfort, I sometimes pretend nothing's happening and purposefully zone out as an act of self-preservation. I have learned how to hide behind Ni when I NEED to get away.
    I think that's smart, not selfish.

  7. #17
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Haven't been on these forums much recently, but I couldn't resist replying in this one!

    I completely relate to the original post, and this one below.

    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    heheheh....

    Yes, I definitely struggle with approval seeking. My dilemma regarding this subject is understanding past mere perceptions of what is "E" and what is "I". I don't really care what people think I am, E or I. I do care about self-preservation, finding ways to... cuz I'm so intense, I kinda explode, and then there are pieces of me all over the room. Yet initially I can be very slow to warm up to ppl.

    Its just a piece of the puzzle in my never ending path of personal growth. Its like the song that never ends.

    Examples.

    I just got a new job finally, and started on Monday! But initially it has kinda scared the hell out of my usual self confident self. There are some other factors, I've been unsucessfully trying to get a job for several months, and frustrated at the pay cut I'm taking, to some extent feels like I'm digressing in my path to personal success --> (read, self esteem is a bit on edge at the moment), and first time this type of work I'm doing is critiqued by professionals. I was suprised when I realized how much internal fear I was experiencing.

    Anyway.

    I was pretty quiet to start with, trying to figure out what my boss wants. She is so difficult to read, as an ENFJ usually I can pick up on people right off. She rarely smiles or compliments, and I can't tell if she likes/dislikes/is pleased/wants things much of the time. It's a bit unnerving, but my other two office mates (the rest of our department is located elsewhere), are nice and easy to read. One is particularly friendly so I like her.

    I've noticed how unusually quiet I've been and how much I want some sign of her approval/satisfaction of my work. With her personality it's alot more difficult for me to know what she expects of me. Yes, it feels silly to think you need to have approval from other people, BUT perhaps it's not so forward with us ENFJs because most of the time we pick up intuitively on if people are pleased or not and that satisfies the need.

    Friday we had an event so I spent several hours sitting around with my co-worker. After talking with her I was MUCH more comfortable. Then later my boss commented something I was working on "looked really nice", so that made my day. I was back to my chipper self.

    Intriguing...
    Last edited by nynesneg; 01-10-2010 at 04:37 PM.
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by nynesneg View Post
    Haven't been on these forums much recently, but I couldn't resist replying in this one!

    I completely relate to the original post, and this one below.
    Examples.
    I just got a new job finally, and started on Monday! But initially it has kinda scared the hell out of my usual self confident self. There are some other factors, I've been unsucessfully trying to get a job for several months, and frustrated at the pay cut I'm taking, to some extent feels like I'm digressing in my path to personal success --> (read, self esteem is a bit on edge at the moment), and first time this type of work I'm doing is critiqued by professionals.
    Anyway.
    I was pretty quiet to start with, trying to figure out what my boss wants. She is so difficult to read, as an ENFJ usually I can pick up on people right off. She rarely smiles or compliments, and I can't tell if she likes/dislikes/is pleased/wants things much of the time. It's a bit unnerving, but my other two office mates (the rest of our department is located elsewhere), are nice and easy to read. One is particularly friendly so I like her.

    I've noticed how unusually quiet I've been and how much I want some sign of her approval/satisfaction of my work. With her personality it's alot more difficult for me to know what she expects of me. Yes, it feels silly to think you need to have approval from other people, BUT perhaps it's not so forward with us ENFJs because most of the time we pick up intuitively on if people are pleased or not and that satisfies the need.

    Friday we had an event so I spent several hours sitting around with my co-worker. After talking with her I was MUCH more comfortable. Then later my boss commented something I was working on "looked really nice", so that made my day. I was back to my chipper self.

    Intriguing...
    Interesting. It sounds like you experience a lot of uneasiness at your knew job and believe it relates to not knowing where you stand. Maybe ENFJs would be more comfortable in a setting that gives more feedback.
    I think enfjs are used to a LOT of feedback, and we listen to it usually. Implied or otherwise. I NEED feedback. I loved school, mainly bc of grades. Just tell me how I am doing and I'm good!
    So yeah, you make a real good pt, nynes. Maybe that's a remedy to the internal DRAMA/trauma that occurs in a new job setting [for an enfj].

    I wonder, do infjs feel so uneasy at a new job? Are infjs constantly self-critiquing? Looking frantically for signs in the environment that pt to how well they perform when in reality there aren't any?

  9. #19
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly View Post
    When I know nobody I just smile a lot and hope someone will smile back and maybe approach me. I used to be the one to approach others but I can't do that anymore.
    This is me too. But I've always had trouble. I tend to get very anxious, to the point of breaking out in a cold sweat and wanting to run away. I have trouble entering rooms full of people I already know much less strangers.
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  10. #20
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    This is me too. But I've always had trouble. I tend to get very anxious, to the point of breaking out in a cold sweat and wanting to run away. I have trouble entering rooms full of people I already know much less strangers.
    I live off my nerves. The more I'm smiling and cracking jokes the more I'm crapping my pants (not literally, that would be awfully embarassing).
    I hate large gatherings of people, even people I know.
    The curse of being an overly self conscious introvert... =(
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