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  1. #21
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I can be pissy-vindictive but usually after my feelings are hurt. I tend to withdraw and then even poke a bit to make sure the other person realizes I withdrew. If they hurt me badly I just cut them off entirely, so I would suggest he does still like you if he is still engaging. It is our Te misbehaving.

    Typically it is short lived as I forget stuff quickly and then realize my response was defensive and emotional. reactive is a good description. It is also a sign of learning to cope with hurt-ie being a bit young. Over the years I have realized the pattern and then tend to withdraw quietly for a few days to sort out the emotional response logically before engaging, or self correct before letting irritation take over.

    I would suggest not calling it immature or pointing out it is overreactive. Instead take the Ni grounding approach and be a solid point of stability, let him get pissy, then forgive him as you understand he is kinda like that. INTJs are funny as I will emo dump at them and they just go "really?, silly enfp come sit down and chill out"

    When interacting with enfps be certain not to mistake this short lived pissy Te response with a Te logical argument that has Fi passion. This is where my worst fights with my ENTP friend have arisen.

  2. #22
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Not really. He didnt speak to me for 2 whole days when I made him read a humurous and not-so-nice description of ENFP and said it was him to a T. He behaved like a petulant child. I felt like telling him to grow a friggin backbone! But i didnt. I minded my own business and didnt react to his little tantrum and he eventually came around.

    He's super sensitive. You shoulda seen his face the first time I called him an asshole.

    I'll remind you INTJ's are not the most tactful people. And this ENFP is always needing reassurance from me. Which I dont give very often...unless he's being extra nice that day.
    Tell him that Te plays rough and when you insult him it is actually a sign of locker room style affection. I tend to do this with all of the engineers I work with. They have a very Texas tough man engineer persona to maintain so I insult them horrifically and then smile happy sweet Fi smiles. They collapse in laughter. But really-picking on them Te style is a lot of fun, even though rough.

    My ENTP guys utterly freak out when you do this though.

  3. #23
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    How was any of that vindictive?

    Sounds to me like he is under the impression that you are avoiding him at the swimming pool so he didn't go the time after you didn't go, not to be spiteful or vindictive.

    He's probably picking up that you are annoyed with him due to his past behaviour, and thinks you don't want to be around him whilst you move past that.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #24
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinEnfp View Post
    I definitely semi-punished her by not being my normal laughable, fun self and she commented on it several times. "Are you feeling okay? Are you really tired?" But in my mind I thought: no, you don't get out of this easily and get happy normal me. You have to sit here and YOU have to work for our conversation to be fun. I'm done!

    Again, not my best moment, but maybe it answers your question or sheds a little insight?
    Your story rings so true to this ENFP. He does this these things AAAAALL the time!! Thanks for being honest about it! The word PUNISH is key here. He definitely does those things to punish me. I can sense it very easily. So in my case, his way of "punishing" me for not showing up at the pool was to not show up as well.

    Quote Originally Posted by sunshinEnfp View Post
    Also, I just want to say: even though we ENFPs feel things deeply, we do not necessarily always want to. Him getting defensive shows that he cares, but he could be struggling with not WANTING to care. He does not want those little things to bother him and yet they do. It becomes a kind of battle with one's self.
    Perhaps it bothers him because it's coming from me?

    I cant believe how much I've put up with this ENFP. I must really love you goddamn ENFP's.

  5. #25
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    And we you
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #26
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    I don't know, the things I do aren't motivated by vengeance, or to be vindictive. Even when I'm being stubborn, like sunshine enfp gave an example of:

    But in my mind I thought: no, you don't get out of this easily and get happy normal me. You have to sit here and YOU have to work for our conversation to be fun. I'm done!
    That's not driven by a need to punish for me. That's me upset, and distant.

    If it had been me in the scenario, my absence at the pool would have been not to punish, but because I hate bad vibes and bad feelings, and if I was under the impression (for my own paranoid reasons) that you avoided the pool to avoid me that other time, I would avoid causing us more grief.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  7. #27
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    And we you
    LOL I know...I've driven you crazy too. But you have no idea how thankful I am for your sage advice I may not express it..but you know I feel it somewhere deep inside my gooey center.

  8. #28
    Senior Member alexx's Avatar
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    "this was my way of proving to him that I was OVER HIM (yeah right ) and that my life did not revolve around him"


    Playing games will get you played with back.



    Now I'm bothered. You asked for feedback and when ENFP's tried to tell you that he knows you are game playing and being vindictive yourself you blow it off and say you aren't - that he is. You should look at it objectively instead of arguing with it. You asked for it and you got it, and I agree with them.

    If you think for one minute he doesn't know you are playing games, you are mistaken. You seem to think he is too stupid to realize what you are doing.


    *Edited for sudden surge of "Wait just a damn minute here!"

    89% Extroverted ~ 68% Intuition ~ 84% Feeling ~ 89% Perceiving
    Enneagram: 2w1 SO/SP Socionics: ENFp
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    Se 30.4% Si 19.1% - Ne 38.4% Ni 26.4% - Te 23.1% Ti 20% - Fe 46.4% Fi 35.8%
    Sanguine | Phlegmatic
    Right Brain Dominant

  9. #29
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Scientist, they're making it up. The stuff about knowing you're playing games too. They don't know. They do know when connection fails, and they do know they're handling everything in the moment, but being able to pinpoint what's up isn't part of it. Not until later.

    Just a hunch. Because people with Te in their system who know what's going on tend to say it directly, yeah?


    Anyway, what they do do, is move at their own pace. It looks high speed and hyper, but really it isn't. It's actually agonisingly slow. That may be the ENFP key.




    Sorry, ENFPs. That's what things have looked like to me, and while I may present it as a global, wholistic truth, it's really just a perspective.
    Bellison uncorked a flood of horrible profanity, which, translated, meant, "This is extremely unusual."

    Boy meets Grr

  10. #30
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Scientist, they're making it up. The stuff about knowing you're playing games too. They don't know. They do know when connection fails, and they do know they're handling everything in the moment, but being able to pinpoint what's up isn't part of it. Not until later.
    This is actually an arrogance of mine. To try to deal in real time situations and psychological games it took the other party a long time to set up and plan.

    Part of me is almost saying "Im good enough where i don't have to plan it and still probably win". The other part of me is saying " Oh gosh, silly games, so bothersome."

    Then another part of me just says "Ok, its getting to be too much, I am starting to shut off to this person now..." and just go wherever that takes me.

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