• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFJ] ENFJs, why are you so fake?

fill

"Everything in its place"
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
507
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
753
I know ENFJs have a want to please people, which in turn rewards them with appreciation, but is this a genuine system? I ask this because I think the other side involves plans or goals. With this in mind, couldn't they please people simply for the sake of their goal?

So I think there's a variable that decides this all: whether the ultimate outcome of the goal is intended to help others or themselves.

I feel I've dealt with both sides, but mostly the latter. I have a friend that will "help" you, but in the end it had nothing to do with friendship, but an underlying goal in which I have to "keep my end of the deal" and help out with. I think this also has to do with charisma and trying to uphold it in order to accomplish a goal.

Am I talking about Hitler yet? :D
 

INTP

Active member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
7,803
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
how is it more genuine to help other people so that you would get good feeling from it?
 

fill

"Everything in its place"
Joined
Jun 28, 2009
Messages
507
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
753
how is it more genuine to help other people so that you would get good feeling from it?

Did I say that? Like, without knowing it?

Wait-- are we talking about Bono now?
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
I don't think its necessarily fakeness, just that once they know they have you, they get bored and want a challenge, and are observant of people and how they act when they have you in their "plan". like a kind deity, bemused by the way the ants are acting. somewhat childish when it comes to "they have you", but thats not necessarily fakeness for fakeness sake. just for amusement's sake. and yes, not necessarily for the goal's sake.

the best way to deal with this is to bargain at each point until you feel equality.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
lol are you an NT? Look just give it up, pal. Surrender. Wave the white flag. You can't fight the ENFJ charm.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so

toast

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Not at all. This is wayyy off to me. ENFJs are manipulative, yes. We focus on & prioritize aspirations, yes. But those aspirations involve other people, they are usually still focused on others. I'm pretty sure most of us are completely aware of how we can push or subjugate & still have such an overbearing value system that we are constantly asking themselves "Is this really for me or for them?"

To say there is some conscious or even subconscious "play" at work behind everything we do for other people is just focusing so narrowly. If I am aware of how manipulative I can be, and consistently scrutinizing myself for it, then taking steps to help without pushing... How can one say I am doing ALL of that for me? I'm pretty sure anyone who just follows their most base reactions can be seen as having a selfish agenda, but if there is one thing I am certain about with every ENFJ I've known its that we are highly critical of our motives with others. That is likely the reason we are so eaten up by criticism. Case in point.
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
No, you can't. You can't. I must tell you this, it's for your own good. I'm trying to help you, young Jedi.

A very good friend (who happens to be a girl) of mine is an ENFJ.

And after hanging out with the girl I've been talking to lately,and comparing her to the ENFJ I know, all the witty quips in the world couldn't make me stray :D
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
Joined
Jun 12, 2008
Messages
9,661
MBTI Type
iSFj
Enneagram
2
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
A very good friend (who happens to be a girl) of mine is an ENFJ.

And after hanging out with the girl I've been talking to lately, all the quips in the world couldn't make me stray :D

That's right. Feeeeel the ENFJ force. :D
 

DiscoBiscuit

Meat Tornado
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
14,794
Enneagram
8w9
Lol.

I wonder if they both are ENFJ's....

They could very well be. Although the one I've been talking to lately is definitely more introverted than the other one.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My bra is a demi cup. Help me! I'm being fake!
 

INTP

Active member
Joined
Jul 31, 2009
Messages
7,803
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
Did I say that? Like, without knowing it?

Wait-- are we talking about Bono now?

no, but everything good you do to others is a selfish act if you look it close enough. if enything you do to others makes you feel good in eny weird way(even and especially if your reflecting others happiness to yourself), you do it for yourself because you like the hormones that come when you do good things to others.
 

Jaguar

Active member
Joined
May 5, 2007
Messages
20,647
no, but everything good you do to others is a selfish act if you look it close enough. if enything you do to others makes you feel good in eny weird way(even and especially if your reflecting others happiness to yourself), you do it for yourself because you like the hormones that come when you do good things to others.


:shock::huh::shock:
 
Top