[ENFJ] ENFJs, why are you so fake?

[Random Ness]

If you all weren't such assholes we wouldn't have to pretend to like you.

[/sarcasm]

Speaking seriously, it's easier to put on the charm so that people don't dislike you at all than bring up how people annoy you and have people hate you. :/ It's just a character flaw that needs to be improved upon.

 

[luminous beam]

why not just ignore or avoid the people you dislike? lol

 

[Random Ness]

why not just ignore or avoid the people you dislike? lol

What if you're supposed to be friends? :/ Stuckness.

 

[luminous beam]

What if you're supposed to be friends? :/ Stuckness.

what i do, if i truly dislike someone who constantly keeps trying to get close to me...i just tell them i'm busy or avoid them. i'm not "supposed" to be friends with anyone i don't want to. the only situations i see that i would have to lie about my true feelings are at work dealing with co-workers, school with teachers and classmates, or siblings and other family (especially if you live with them).

 

[guesswho]

Yes! I knew iT!!!!!!!!!

Being ENTJ makes you fake. Makes perfect sense.

 

[Sparrow]

I do ignore people I reallllly don't like, I run and hide! But if don't care for someone and I think they are tolerable I will be cordial...not fake. Why would I want to make someone feel bad, I'm generally nice and like to keep the peace. Isn't that more mature? Geesh all this talk about enfjs and fakeness, kiss me nice bum!!!!!!

 

[Jaguar]

I do ignore people I reallllly don't like, I run and hide! But if don't care for someone and I think they are tolerable I will be cordial...not fake. Why would I want to make someone feel bad, I'm generally nice and like to keep the peace. Isn't that more mature? Geesh all this talk about enfjs and fakeness, kiss me nice bum!!!!!!

Come on, Sparrow. Put some passion into that.
Don't say, "kiss me nice bum." Say, "Kiss my royal ass!"

 

[Sparrow]

^ haha! No one has officially crossed the line (yet) for me to get rowdy .

 

[luminous beam]

I do ignore people I reallllly don't like, I run and hide! But if don't care for someone and I think they are tolerable I will be cordial...not fake. Why would I want to make someone feel bad, I'm generally nice and like to keep the peace. Isn't that more mature? Geesh all this talk about enfjs and fakeness, kiss me nice bum!!!!!!

I understand what you mean, however, I guess what some people might refer to as "fake" is not just the act of being cordial...but going out of your way to sound cordial even when you don't really mean what you're saying, especially if you actually feel the opposite from it. Ex. saying: "Wow, I love your hair! A short hairstyle looks really good on you!" really thinking: "ugh, that's so ugly. It makes her face look fat." That could be considered a white lie, but when applied to something like love for example, it could really hurt or upset others when they actually believe the cordialness lol Ex. boy says "I love you, you're the woman of my dreams." girl says "I love you too, I want to be with you forever." but really feels "I think I love you...at least as a person...I don't want to hurt him, maybe I'll grow to love him in time." but eventually gets over him and moves on breaking his heart not sooner, but later.

The moral of the story: You may have good intentions and sugar coat a lot of stuff for sake of sparing other's feelings now or getting them to like you. But in reality, the truth usually comes out and a lot of the times it hurts...that's life.

 

[Arclight]

I understand what you mean, however, I guess what some people might refer to as "fake" is not just the act of being cordial...but going out of your way to sound cordial even when you don't really mean what you're saying, especially if you actually feel the opposite from it. Ex. saying: "Wow, I love your hair! A short hairstyle looks really good on you!" really thinking: "ugh, that's so ugly. It makes her face look fat." That could be considered a white lie, but when applied to something like love for example, it could really hurt or upset others when they actually believe the cordialness lol Ex. boy says "I love you, you're the woman of my dreams." girl says "I love you too, I want to be with you forever." but really feels "I think I love you...at least as a person...I don't want to hurt him, maybe I'll grow to love him in time." but eventually gets over him and moves on breaking his heart not sooner, but later.

The moral of the story: You may have good intentions and sugar coat a lot of stuff for sake of sparing other's feelings now or getting them to like you. But in reality, the truth usually comes out and a lot of the times it hurts...that's life.

Hmmm.. Well yesterday I told a guy at work that I would prefer he just keeps his distance from me..
I was polite, cordial and succinct.

I see no distinct relation between my feelings and my manners.

So what now?

I could have tore him a new asshole and explained exactly why he makes my skin crawl.
But to what end? Would that have made it more real somehow?

Is this fake, or just making an ugly situation at little less potentially explosive?

 

[luminous beam]

Hmmm.. Well yesterday I told a guy at work that I would prefer he just keeps his distance from me..
I was polite, cordial and succinct.

I see no distinction between my feelings and my manners.

So what now?

I could have tore him a new asshole and explained exactly why he makes my skin crawl.
But to what end? Would that have made it more real somehow?

Is this fake, or just making an ugly situation at little less potentially explosive?

I think that is the difference, how "cordial" you are. The longer you draw it out, I think it can be misinterpreted as false intentions. I take the same approach as you, I'm more direct and try to be honest with people without the need to cause a scene or be disrespectful or mean. But I think sometimes Fe just keeps a conversation going and will even say socially accepted compliments (not because these truly apply to the individuals they're speaking to, but because it's 'the nice thing to say') even if the Fe dom person is discontent. The intentions are that of not hurting others and/or at the same time gaining approval and likeability...

 

[Arclight]

I think that is the difference, how "cordial" you are. The longer you draw it out, I think it can be misinterpreted as false intentions. I take the same approach as you, I'm more direct and try to be honest with people without the need to cause a scene or be disrespectful or mean. But I think sometimes Fe just keeps a conversation going and will even say socially accepted compliments (not because these truly apply to the individuals they're speaking to, but because it's 'the nice thing to say') even if the Fe dom person is discontent. The intentions are that of not hurting others and/or at the same time gaining approval and likeability...

I think what happens in my case is.. I can see the distinction between the individual, the human race as a whole and the institution or setting where we are.

I don't like this person (subjective and personal.. the person hasn't done anything wrong per se) . Are they any less a human being because of it?
Should my own person feelings change the level of respect I give to their humanity?
What about others in the vicinity? should my personal subjective feelings about another, encroach on their space? Is there protocol that needs to be followed (i.e. We were at work)?

Finally there is this little thing about getting out of life what you put into it.
You attract likewise.
Karma is a bitch.
If I live a life of rudeness ,conflict and intolerance.
what am I inviting my way?

I don't think that is the same as "wanting to be liked"

 

[Sparrow]

I understand what you mean, however, I guess what some people might refer to as "fake" is not just the act of being cordial...but going out of your way to sound cordial even when you don't really mean what you're saying, especially if you actually feel the opposite from it. Ex. saying: "Wow, I love your hair! A short hairstyle looks really good on you!" really thinking: "ugh, that's so ugly. It makes her face look fat." That could be considered a white lie, but when applied to something like love for example, it could really hurt or upset others when they actually believe the cordialness lol Ex. boy says "I love you, you're the woman of my dreams." girl says "I love you too, I want to be with you forever." but really feels "I think I love you...at least as a person...I don't want to hurt him, maybe I'll grow to love him in time." but eventually gets over him and moves on breaking his heart not sooner, but later.

The moral of the story: You may have good intentions and sugar coat a lot of stuff for sake of sparing other's feelings now or getting them to like you. But in reality, the truth usually comes out and a lot of the times it hurts...that's life.

But how do you know what the ENFJ is thinking? Are you a mind reader?
Maybe they really like the other persons hairstyle or mean whatever it is their saying .

If I dont like someones hair, Im not gonna say sh*t about their hair. I guess Im taking the title of this thread way to literally, I keep saying over and over again NOT ALL ENFJs are fake...people of ALL TYPES can be fake. Im over it.

Unsubscribed...

 

[luminous beam]

But how do you know what the ENFJ is thinking? Are you a mind reader?
Maybe they really like the hairstyle or mean whatever it is their saying .

If I dont like someones hair, Im not gonna say sh*t about their hair. I guess Im taking the title of this thread way to literally, I keep saying over and over again NOT ALL ENFJs are fake...people of ALL TYPES can be fake. Im over it.

Unsubscribed...

lol@ calling suggesting I was a mind reader, I don't really see how that applies. Did it ever occur to you that i have ENFJ friends and colleagues who I see in action on the daily? Also, keep in mind I was speaking about Fe, not just pertaining to ENFJs. I didn't call anyone fake. I myself use my Fe and can attest to my personal experience with it. My ENFJs say nice things to others and then in turn tell me how much they really didn't like something and how they might actually have said the opposite of what was true etc. I am also guilty of this...there is no reason to get so touchy.

 

[Edgar]

ENFJs like the idea of being a caring person so they act like they care even when they don't. Kind of like INTJs like they idea of not giving a shit so they act like they don't care even if they do.

 

[Arclight]

ENFJs like the idea of being a caring person so they act like they care even when they don't. Kind of like INTJs like they idea of not giving a shit so they act like they don't care even if they do.

Thanks for that..
But I put lots and lots of effort into my Poker face and my "I don't give a damn about anything" attitude.

I don't like Idea of caring at all. I wish I didn't.
I never act like I care.
I simply do care, and get accused of not expressing how much I care too often.

It's like people don't know what the hell they want from others.

 

[KDude]

I just cared about you said, man!

Hug?

Wait.. no.

 

[Edgar]

Thanks for that..
But I put lots and lots of effort into my Poker face and my "I don't give a damn about anything" attitude.

I don't like Idea of caring at all. I wish I didn't.
I never act like I care.
I simply do care, and get accused of not expressing how much I care too often.

It's like people don't know what the hell they want from others.

Thanks for that..

And I really don't care.
If only people knew how much I don't care.

 

[Arclight]

Thanks for that..

And I really don't care.
If only people knew how much I don't care.

If you didn't care.. You wouldn't have felt the need the qualify yourself..

And really.. you just expressed in a previous post, how you try to act like you don't care , when you really do.

I swear you guys do all my work for me

 

[Sparrow]

lol this is hilarious