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  1. #1
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Default Do INFx's really want to be approached?

    So, a priest walks into a bar. OK, let me start over. So, the other night I walk into a large bookstore and I immediately see this girl at a table in the coffeehouse section. She's by herself, sipping a coffee and reading a book. She looks up at me, we make brief eye contact, and then we both look away quickly. I browse for several minutes in the "Biography" section and then walk back her way - kind of hoping there might be more eye contact, but kind of dreading it too (afterall, I'm an INTP in public). Sure enough, she looks up and has that sweet but sly NF look.

    All I could think was, "I bet she's an INFx. If only I were an ENTP right now." It struck me funny that MBTI was where my mind went first. Anyhow, I wanted to go strike up an interesting conversation with her, but I didn't want to intrude and also it just seems a bit awkward.

    Anyhow, this raises the question - do INFx's want to be approached? In a situation like this, where I like what I see in terms of looks and style and some fairly positive eye-contact has been made, should I just walk out the door and go home or should I approach you and at least make some conversation? I guarantee that I can make you laugh at least once, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable at your little corner table in the bookstore coffeehouse. If I know it's awkward for you, then I'm going to get awkward and it's going to get strange for both of us real fast.

    Advice, INFx's?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    It depends.
    Situation A: I feel really shy and leave the area lest I be approached. o__o
    Situation B: I sit and wait, hoping that he'll come over. In this case, I will make eye-contact and try to smile. Even a small amount of eye-contact is good; don't expect winking or some other flirtatious gesture. XD And don't expect me to come to you, because it most likely won't happen, unless it's obvious that you want me to come over.

    Generally speaking, I like being approached. I'm terrible at being warm (at first) if I don't know you, though. The other day, this guy came up to me when I was walking my dogs. He seemed shy and I felt shy too. When he walked away, I felt bad that I hadn't been more encouraging (I don't think I was even smiling or anything, just looking at him blankly >_<).

    So, if you're in that situation again, just go for it. =] Remember: it's only awkward if you make it awkward.
    Everybody needs love.

  3. #3
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    What is walking out of the door going to give you? Definitely approach her and make conversation. You really have nothing to lose.

    What comes to approaching somebody, you don't really have any background info why the person is there, why they're sitting alone. I mean she might be waiting for her friend/boyfriend but she might be not. So, considering that, things might get awkward but they might be awkward and even uncomfortable in any occasion. You don't know that beforehand. Trial and error.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Cronkle's Avatar
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    I would like to be approached, but I'm a straight male so I'm not sure if gender differences play a role.

    My advice is to think of a socially acceptable, innocuous reason to talk to her. For example, "Do you know what time the store closes?" or "What time is it?" I think too direct of a route might scare her off.

    Once you ask that simple, harmless question you can judge chemistry and vibes she's giving off and adjust and act accordingly.

  5. #5
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    Go to the back, pull the fire alarm, then run to her and tell her that you will escort her to safety.

    ---
    on a serious note. i would say approach. if she is an INF, more than likely, you will not be shot down if you don't appear to be threatening. If she wasn't interested, she would have probably found a way to leave before you approached just because there is a possibility that you may approach (from making eye contact 2x in a row) or came up with a reason to leave after you had presented yourself. (lol, well this is more insight from a straight infj male, but hopefully it was helpful, nonetheless).

  6. #6
    Member monocycle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lemonade View Post
    Go to the back, pull the fire alarm, then run to her and tell her that you will escort her to safety.
    Yes!

    Anyway, I'd rather be approached. It saves me the exhausting task of building up the courage to do the approaching. Next time you see her, or for the next situation, go on ahead and approach them.

    If you get "rejected," then you get rejected. Don't let it discourage you. Be confident. One day it will pay off.
    (I should be taking my own advice)
    From the One Light, the entire universe welled up. So who is good, and who is bad? -- Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 1349

  7. #7
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    I prefer to be approached. In fact, I LOVE being approached. I'm not good at approaching others sadly. My anxiety tends to fuck it up.

    However, if I feel [in that wishy washy intuitive way] that things seem promising then I will be emotionally warm from the get go. I respect courage in others, and approaching a perfect stranger takes a lot of courage in my book.

    Honestly, you stand to lose nothing meaningful by approaching first. So definitely go for it.

  8. #8
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    yes. Sometimes it is the only way to get with an INFx. I'm a male and admittedly in most of my crushes/instances, the other person had NO idea. I always figured they would just get it and approach me (this was before mbti and I assumed everyone had an INFP processor deep down inside). Extremely bad way to go about doing things if you're an INF male, not so much for an INF female (gender roles). You really have no idea with an INF until you approach them.

  9. #9
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    I don't like being approached if someone's got ulterior motives. If their intentions are good, then I'm open to it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousFeeling View Post
    I don't like being approached if someone's got ulterior motives. If their intentions are good, then I'm open to it.
    When someone approaches me then I think it's pretty clear that they want something from me. But I agree with the bolded part, the intentions must be good. It's still going to be a bit awkward, you can't avoid that because if you're a stranger you should already expect some hesitation.

    And I also agree with Absent-Minded Alecto that it takes courage to approach strangers and I can certainly appreciate the effort made.

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