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[MBTI General] Do INFx's really want to be approached?

Biaxident

Charting a course
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
MBTI Type
INFP
It does for me also, infinitely easier. But I didn't mean a literal approaching - I meant an approaching to a relationship. I personally get scared easily if pushed too fast. And in another sense I meant we may not come off as open to talking to strangers as we may feel internally.

Skittish woodland creatures love me...:D
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
It does for me also, infinitely easier. But I didn't mean a literal approaching - I meant an approaching to a relationship. I personally get scared easily if pushed too fast. And in another sense I meant we may not come off as open to talking to strangers as we may feel internally.

yeah, I'd agree with you there. :)
 

souffle

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
124
MBTI Type
INFP
Well, I wouldn't dislike you for approaching me, I might just feel uncomfortable from my own lack of social/conversation skills, "argh great, now I have to think of something to say..." So anything negative I'd feel would simply be my own self consciousness and lack of confidence, none of which have any threat to the person approaching me. So I guess you have nothing to lose!
 

wren

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2009
Messages
384
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
it's been years since someone approached me in a retail venue...must've been hot back then.

to address your particular question i would have to say just 'do it'! what have you got to lose? follow your passion of the moment. one must not be shy in these matters!
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
I don't know if the puffed sleeves and V waist flatter you, my dear Biaxident.
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Anyhow, this raises the question - do INFx's want to be approached? In a situation like this, where I like what I see in terms of looks and style and some fairly positive eye-contact has been made, should I just walk out the door and go home or should I approach you and at least make some conversation? I guarantee that I can make you laugh at least once, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable at your little corner table in the bookstore coffeehouse. If I know it's awkward for you, then I'm going to get awkward and it's going to get strange for both of us real fast.

Fairly positive eye-contact? That's like an INF pole-dance. :D

As an INFP, I want to be approached. It might be weird to strike up a conversation, especially if two INFs are doing the talking, but if you're willing to wait out the weirdness to get to the good stuff, there might be something wonderful there. If not, no worries. People enjoy conversation and company, and if they don't you can usually tell from the unsubtle clues a few minutes into the conversation...
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

failure to thrive
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,585
MBTI Type
INfj
Enneagram
451
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Why would I approach an INFx? They're on enough anti-depressants as it is.

haha. Although we struggle at times, I think the research shows that most INFJs have pretty sunny dispositions, and work through problems pretty easily.

Oh yeah, I've definitely mistyped people (and for relatively long periods of time). With this particular girl, I typed her (very, very loosely), based not just on looking at her, but on the fact that she was by herself and reading intently, with 2 books at her table while reading the third. I know she could have been any of the 16 types, but my intuition told me she most likely was not an ESTJ, so I felt like I could approach. (If I had to guess, I would have said she was INxx, but of course never with 100% certainty).

You know how you just see someone and you think, "I could talk to that person." Not only that, but I'd LIKE to talk to that person. And I don't mean that in the Se physical attraction way. That probably had *something* to do with why I wanted to approach her (she was a cutie), but it's more of an intuition thing. I was just thinking, "I KNOW that we could talk and have really stimulating conversation. I just KNOW it."

But, well, see, there's this other thing called Ti that gets in the way. Next thing I know I'm kicking myself on the drive home.............
The End

I hate it when Opportunities slip away too. It's part of being introverted. It happens. You should practice what you'll say next time, so you'll be ready. And fwiw, as some others have said, if I'm out, it's because I'm hoping for interaction. Otherwise, why wouldn't I stay in my cozy home to read my book(s)? If I'm out to really people-watch I'll go with a friend, and if I'm with a friend, I prefer NOT to be approached, because it detracts from my conversation with her. How can I people watch if my nose is buried in a book? No,the book is just a prop so I don't look totally ridiculous out on my own. I'm feeling like an idiot! So come save me!
 

HollyGolightly

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
293
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
When somebody approaches me it's usually an accident because they have mistaken me for someone else... :sadbanana:

I like to be approached. I'm very bashful and I spend most of my time blushing so it's harder for me to approach others without making myself look like I have a crush on them. And I fall over a lot so I often make a fool of myself before I've even opened my mouth.

Ahh it's good to be me. ;)
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
*eye contact*
*I smile*
*she looks away*
*I stare, devilishly*
*eye contact*
*she smiles, devilishly*
*She plays coy, almost looks away, but keeps me in the corner of her vision*
*I play coy; I look away completely to give her a chance to study. I order my coffee, smile still plastered on there because it has a mind of it's own, and my smile--not my eyes--is communicating my interest at that point.*
*Go over by the coffee counter, farther away from her, pretending not to notice, but we continue to playfully stare, and steal half-glances back and forth, to the point where it becomes comedic*
*By the time I reach her table, we've already had an icebreaking conversation without saying a word. I sit down, and assume my place, and make verbal introductions; still smiling like a minx*
 

copperfish17

New member
Joined
Dec 13, 2009
Messages
712
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I wouldn't mind being approached as long as the other person doesn't come off as hostile. ;)
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
I don't like to be approached by members of the opposite sex. That might have to do with the fact that I am in a relationship though. If I was single and making eye contact/smiling (smiling is important because just eye contact probably means I'm just zoning out and rudely staring at things) then yeah, maybe. As long as the guy weren't too obvious about it. Asking about the book she is reading is probably a good place to start (i.e., I was thinking about buying that book, is it any good?).
 

Vasilisa

Symbolic Herald
Joined
Feb 2, 2010
Messages
3,946
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Approach! But speak with sincerity :)
 

visaisahero

New member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
557
MBTI Type
ENTP
Visa's How To Approach A Girl 101

After you've done all the subtle flirting and eye-contact stuff, stare at your phone for a while and pretend to be doing some important messaging. (If you really want this to be especially effective, actually get into a heated, opinionated text-argument with a friend- you can show her the messages yourself, which gives you some opportunity to get physically close to her as well) At some point in time, give an especially exasperated sigh, roll your eyes- something that'll make her notice that you're annoyed with something on your phone. Give her a "tired" i-don't-know-why-i-go-through-this sort of smile, and she'll most probably smile back.

Ask for her opinion on something. You can't go wrong there. Don't ask for the time, because that's close-ended. Go over, give your most friendly and charming smile (again) and say something along the lines of "sorry to bother you, but i'm in a heated argument and I really need an opinion..." Nobody's going to turn down giving someone an opinion- not even the hottest of girls. If you seem like you genuinely want their opinion, they will most certainly give it to you- it's a small and simple favour that takes no effort to do. Try to ask a question that's complex and needs some thinking. Observe her in advance and try to make it relevant- is she reading a book? is she wearing glasses? is she wearing shoes? you could be pretending to argue with your friend who claims that the girl he likes is going to think he's a creep if he buys her lingerie, but you think it's kinda sweet. Whatever. Do guys cheat on girls more, or vice versa? Who lies more in relationships? Something subjective. Asking a funny but interesting and effective question is an art form in itself. (Pickup artists call this the opener, and often have many different ones at their fingertips.)

Along the way you end up progressing into a normal conversation, with an escape clause if there isn't any chemistry. Have your body language directed away initially so that she doesn't get uncomfortable with your sudden invasion of her personal space- sit at the side of the seat opposite her, for example, and be on your toes as if you're about to leave any second. If she gives you more attention, slowly and casually move more fully into the seat- and before you know it you're on an impromptu date. Say, have you ever tried the donuts down the street? They're awesome!...

You're welcome!
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
Grace, your avatar picture is going to give me nightmares. What the hell is that? Do I even want to know ?

It's a famous Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner. I'm sure the episode did give plenty of people nightmares, my dad for one.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Visa's How To Approach A Girl 101

After you've done all the subtle flirting and eye-contact stuff, stare at your phone for a while and pretend to be doing some important messaging. (If you really want this to be especially effective, actually get into a heated, opinionated text-argument with a friend- you can show her the messages yourself, which gives you some opportunity to get physically close to her as well) At some point in time, give an especially exasperated sigh, roll your eyes- something that'll make her notice that you're annoyed with something on your phone. Give her a "tired" i-don't-know-why-i-go-through-this sort of smile, and she'll most probably smile back.

Ask for her opinion on something. You can't go wrong there. Don't ask for the time, because that's close-ended. Go over, give your most friendly and charming smile (again) and say something along the lines of "sorry to bother you, but i'm in a heated argument and I really need an opinion..." Nobody's going to turn down giving someone an opinion- not even the hottest of girls. If you seem like you genuinely want their opinion, they will most certainly give it to you- it's a small and simple favour that takes no effort to do. Try to ask a question that's complex and needs some thinking. Observe her in advance and try to make it relevant- is she reading a book? is she wearing glasses? is she wearing shoes? you could be pretending to argue with your friend who claims that the girl he likes is going to think he's a creep if he buys her lingerie, but you think it's kinda sweet. Whatever. Do guys cheat on girls more, or vice versa? Who lies more in relationships? Something subjective. Asking a funny but interesting and effective question is an art form in itself. (Pickup artists call this the opener, and often have many different ones at their fingertips.)

Along the way you end up progressing into a normal conversation, with an escape clause if there isn't any chemistry. Have your body language directed away initially so that she doesn't get uncomfortable with your sudden invasion of her personal space- sit at the side of the seat opposite her, for example, and be on your toes as if you're about to leave any second. If she gives you more attention, slowly and casually move more fully into the seat- and before you know it you're on an impromptu date. Say, have you ever tried the donuts down the street? They're awesome!...

You're welcome!

I'll print this post and keep it in my wallet. If I have to pull it out and refer back to it while I'm talking to the girl, I'm still "cool" right?
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I wouldn't mind being approached as long as the other person doesn't come off as hostile. ;)

Hostile? I'm trying to imagine what that would even look like. :huh:

Especially if one was actually trying to get the girl. And especially with most socially timid INTP's.

"I hate this bookstore. Why do people even come here? What a waste! Wanna go out sometime?" Like that?
 
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