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  1. #31
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Lots of good input. Generally speaking, do you INFx's even want a significant other?
    I either want to be in a relationship, or I'm not thinking about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    You guys are just so fiercely independent. Almost like you can't be bothered with a relationship. I know you care about people and all, but the girl by herself at the farmer's market who gets her stuff and rushes out of there to get home hardly screams "Come talk to me!" And plus, introverts naturally turn away from people and interaction, while extroverts turn towards people.
    See...I've been realizing something lately. I'm an introvert, but I don't like being alone. I just like being with 1-3 other people (close friends). Any more than that and it starts to take a toll on me. But being all by myself? No way. I start to lose my mind after a few hours.

    Of course, that could just be me...? I obviously can't speak for everyone else. (Also, maybe this is starting to go into the enneagram sx-so-sp variants, but I don't know a ton about those.)
    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Yeah, I could see a lot of myself in what you wrote. I definitely desire a relationship, but I don't look forward to the maintenance and complications that come with it, so half the time I just think, "Eh, I'm fine by myself right now."
    ...I definitely think family and friend relationships require a lot of maintenance too and come with their own complications.

  2. #32
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    I'm fairly shy when it comes to initiating things. If someone makes eye contact with me and the vibe is a good one, then I feel more comfortable initiating. I feel much more comfortable with it than I used to simply because sometimes I want to know if the other person is interested or not. When I'm passive, I'm likely to never find out.

    I appreciated someone's thoughts here that NO one is likely to know if an NF is interested. I've also felt that the vibes I'm giving off must be incredibly obvious, but I see that that may not be the case. With the man I'm interested in, we got along like a house on fire right from the start....but even then, I can seemingly be so casual appearing on the outside when on the inside I'm churning, that I'm not sure he knew how I felt. Only recently have I made my feelings more known to him by saying certain unmistakable things. I got a good piece of advice from someone about that discomfort I feel being direct and I try to remember it (I'm not always successful). That is: just do it and live with the discomfort. In other words, become friends with the uncomfortable feeling. Know you're going to get butterflies in your stomach, and sweaty palms, and take the step anyway. With my friend, I found it a relief to take even small steps to make it more clear because, honestly, though he's an NF, and we've been intensely flirting for a few months now, I don't think he knew for sure...

  3. #33
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Why would I approach an INFx? They're on enough anti-depressants as it is.



  4. #34
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Yes, I like to be approached. Being shy, I am not likely to ever initiate with a guy.
    The setting you described sounds mellow, not like she was in a hurry and couldn't be bothered. Even if I am not interested, being approached is usually flattering, unless a guy comes off as totally lecherous or bizarre in a bad way. If I am not interested, then I will make it clear as nicely as I can.

    If I go alone to places like coffeehouses and bookstores and sit for awhile, then I am usually in a good state to be approached. I may have gone there to be alone and read, but I might actually welcome an interruption because a part of me may also want to be seen and to interact, which is why I left the house .
    Precisely. I go to coffee places because, in addition to being a relaxing, quiet kind of thing to do, it allows you to see and be seen without necessarily being forced into mingling. I love it if someone approaches me and initiates conversation -- unfortunately, it doesn't happen enough! So my advice to the OP is to go for it next time. Speaking personally, I avoid sustained eye contact unless I'm at least a little interested in or curious about someone.

  5. #35
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    Lastly, be careful with typing people right off. It's not really possible a lot of the time to type someone just by looking at them once from far away.....So, be careful not to label someone immediately.
    Oh yeah, I've definitely mistyped people (and for relatively long periods of time). With this particular girl, I typed her (very, very loosely), based not just on looking at her, but on the fact that she was by herself and reading intently, with 2 books at her table while reading the third. I know she could have been any of the 16 types, but my intuition told me she most likely was not an ESTJ, so I felt like I could approach. (If I had to guess, I would have said she was INxx, but of course never with 100% certainty).

    You know how you just see someone and you think, "I could talk to that person." Not only that, but I'd LIKE to talk to that person. And I don't mean that in the Se physical attraction way. That probably had *something* to do with why I wanted to approach her (she was a cutie), but it's more of an intuition thing. I was just thinking, "I KNOW that we could talk and have really stimulating conversation. I just KNOW it."

    But, well, see, there's this other thing called Ti that gets in the way. Next thing I know I'm kicking myself on the drive home.............
    The End

  6. #36
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    If I made eye contact with you twice, I want you to come over. Especially if I smiled. If I wasn't interested, you wouldn't be able to make eye contact with me at all.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #37
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I am really glad my INTP approached me. I wanted an S.O. but I'm kind of shy and it might have taken me awhile to get the nerve up to approach him. Asking about the book she was reading would have been a great opener and she made eye contact with you twice. Very good sign. You may approach.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #38
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Lots of good input. Generally speaking, do you INFx's even want a significant other? If you're like me - sometimes you do and sometimes you'd rather just be left to be alone. It's fun to be fairly independent - and obviously it comes natural to us introverts, but then there are times you really do want to be in a relationship with someone who is compatible (key word).

    Does whether or not you want to be in a relationship change depending upon the circumstances in your life? Or would you say that generally you couldn't care less if you were in a long-term relationship?
    I kind of always want a SO, but whether I am actively thinking about it realistically is another story. I do enjoy my independence and have never felt desperate. I'm cool with being single and love my alone time. I've never understood people who cannot handle being alone.

    I have had many periods where I just don't feel like dating. It's not about not wanting a relationship so much as all the hassle that goes into finding one. Meeting new people and casual dating gets tiring, and that's partly why I really cannot wait to just be in a serious, long term relationship. I'm sure I am idealizing it, but I feel like it would be a big sigh of relief; now I can relax.... (There is a part of me that fears commitment to the "wrong" person and losing independence, but that's another topic.)

    In times when I cannot be bothered with dating, it's often because I am focusing my energy elsewhere and it's simply not a priority (ie. when I was in college). As far as that "you will meet someone when you're not looking for it" theory - not true for me. I have to put myself out there, because I can easily go through life pretty incognito and not sending any inviting vibes out.

    Even in those times, I will still fantasize about love and finding it, but it's in the same way I fantasize about being, like, a rock star - it's just something to think about to fill time. But I think that my mind and heart are always open to a relationship on some level - the right person makes more of a difference for me than timing. There's always time for someone when you really like them.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    You guys are just so fiercely independent. Almost like you can't be bothered with a relationship. I know you care about people and all, but the girl by herself at the farmer's market who gets her stuff and rushes out of there to get home hardly screams "Come talk to me!" And plus, introverts naturally turn away from people and interaction, while extroverts turn towards people. Not saying that introverts don't ever want to interact, just saying that I know for myself my high degree of introversion makes my independence enjoyable.
    Are you stalking me? :eek:

    The contradiction has been noted - and I can't deny it. At least for me, I may long for some deep connection with people, yet I scurry away from them like a little woodland creature. INFPs are kind of like deer - they must be approached gently and quietly so as not to scare.

    I made some post about misconceptions of INFPs in dating (I think it was in the "INFPs turning INTJs into fuzzy hug addicts" thread), and some INFJs related also; basically, we can be suspicious of feelings formed too quickly. I don't think we get attached as easily to people as they'd expect, and while we may be very loyal, we need to keep a sense of ourselves as individuals and have some space in relationships.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #39
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    I don't really relate to the deer thing. Being approached makes things easier.

  10. #40
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adoamros View Post
    I don't really relate to the deer thing. Being approached makes things easier.
    It does for me also, infinitely easier. But I didn't mean a literal approaching - I meant an approaching to a relationship. I personally get scared easily if pushed too fast. And in another sense I meant we may not come off as open to talking to strangers as we may feel internally.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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