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  1. #11
    Member Prime's Avatar
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    INFx's are typically not initiators, so... yes, I prefer to be approached. Of course, being a male, expecting a woman to make the first move isn't the socially-scripted way to approach romance.

    But then again, since when have I cared about socially-scripted ways? The people I'm attracted to tend to the feel the same way about those cliches.

  2. #12
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    err.. for me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no. happens sort of often to me, but often when i am alone by choice.. so i'm sure i come off as less than friendly..
    if i really sense that someone is going to talk to me when i don't want to be spoken to, i'll make a run for it.. sort of creepy of me.. haha

    in fact, this happened to me today while i was waiting to meet my mother for christmas shopping. i was a) tired, b) not in my comfort zone, as i hate shopping malls, c) am not sticking in this city for long. somehow still ended up relenting to exchanging information. he was pretty cute, not too "smooth", but was pretty insistent on grabbing a cup of coffee (he also isn't a local). can't figure out if there are big motives, but it's low-risk either way.

    i guess i have a date? we'll see if i go through with it.
    "Develop interest in life as you see it...the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself." -- H. Miller
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    Johari the good..
    Nohari.. the bad, and the ugly

    I'm a FiNe SiTe to see!

  3. #13
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    introduce your self and inquire on her personality
    I N V I C T U S

  4. #14
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Yes, I like to be approached. Being shy, I am not likely to ever initiate with a guy.
    The setting you described sounds mellow, not like she was in a hurry and couldn't be bothered. Even if I am not interested, being approached is usually flattering, unless a guy comes off as totally lecherous or bizarre in a bad way. If I am not interested, then I will make it clear as nicely as I can.

    If I go alone to places like coffeehouses and bookstores and sit for awhile, then I am usually in a good state to be approached. I may have gone there to be alone and read, but I might actually welcome an interruption because a part of me may also want to be seen and to interact, which is why I left the house .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #15
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If I go alone to places like coffeehouses and bookstores and sit for awhile, then I am usually in a good state to be approached. I may have gone there to be alone and read, but I might actually welcome an interruption because a part of me may also want to be seen and to interact, which is why I left the house .
    Bolded is an interesting viewpoint! I'll keep this in mind the next time I plan to hit on someone in a bookstore or coffee house.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  6. #16
    Junior Member teacups&cupcakes's Avatar
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    I wouldn't mind being approached. As long as the person approaching is polite and not intimidating then it's fine.


  7. #17
    Senior Member Lacey's Avatar
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    I'm a wuss and will never do the approaching. So I want to be approached. Even when I think I don't want to be approached, I really do want to be approached.

  8. #18
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey View Post
    I'm a wuss introvert and will never do the approaching. So I want to be approached. Even when I think I don't want to be approached, I really do want to be approached.
    introvert, not wuss

    hmmm... I think I just opened a can of Ti
    5 3 9

  9. #19
    Senior Member compulsiverambler's Avatar
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    No, if I'm somewhere on my own and am not expecting that to change, I prefer to be left alone. I don't mind meeting people by being introduced or in an environment to which I've gone specifically to socialise. That might be the E5 tendency to compartmentalise life - there's my lone time, casual socialisation time, more intense socialisation time etc. I don't shift gears comfortably, or at least, I have a perception that I don't, and it's at least partially a self-fulfilling prophecy, as a lot of Enneagram beliefs are. I've been getting better at reducing that belief's hold on me and my behaviour for a while now, but I still don't like to be approached unexpectedly. Major interruptions feel like major disruptions.

    I don't really have the dilemma of whether to approach people or not. I never even think about it. I meet people through friends or at gatherings in which strangers are all chatting casually to anyone, and can't remember ever observing someone at a distance and wanting to talk to them in particular. I don't watch people with interest or notice them much if I haven't interacted with them, or heard them speak interestingly.

  10. #20
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Each person is different, but perhaps notice what she is reading and talk about that. Personal questions from a stranger can be the most threatening.

    A one-shot viewing leading to approaching is probably the biggest toss of the dice. The bookstore scenario is more ideal if it's the kind of place you see each other a couple of times and then talk about books and ideas. That provides an opportunity to reveal something about yourself other than the fact you are pursuing or self-proclaimed information which whether accurate or not is an advertisement.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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