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  1. #1
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Default Why are NF good in fighting for others but not for themselves?

    I can't even remember how othen I have heard something like this as side comment in a post made by NF.

    So I am wondering why NFs often have so many problems with caring for their own needs? Seriously what's the problem ?

    I will post more as the thread goes.

  2. #2
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I can see where you are coming from - they're very likely to forgo their own needs, even in cases of self-presevation but I think more mature ones will fight for themselves.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #3
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    I can see where you are coming from - they're very likely to forgo their own needs, even in cases of self-presevation but I think more mature ones will fight for themselves.
    Well it is not that I hava problem with this it is just that we had a number of thread about killing, hurt feeling and similar bad stuff. But to me some of the post in these threads look a way too empathic.

    Plus I have met a number of people that are like this in "real life".

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Well it is not that I hava problem with this it is just that we had a number of thread about killing, hurt feeling and similar bad stuff. But to me some of the post in these threads look a way too empathic.

    Plus I have met a number of people that are like this in "real life".
    When you're able to calmly theorize in the comfort of your own home or wherever, behind a computer or talking with your friends, it's easier to be empathetic. Way too empathetic, as you put it. When the reality hits, people will either fight or flight, and that might not depend on type.

  5. #5
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    When you're able to calmly theorize in the comfort of your own home or wherever, behind a computer or talking with your friends, it's easier to be empathetic. Way too empathetic, as you put it. When the reality hits, people will either fight or flight, and that might not depend on type.

    I hope that you realize that this means that a number of NFs are deluding themselves if this is true.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I hope that you realize that this means that a number of NFs are deluding themselves if this is true.
    Deluding themselves that they are...empathetic? Everybody is deluding themselves with something.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Everybody is deluding themselves with something.
    Indeed.

  8. #8
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    And some delusions are nice to keep...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  9. #9
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Deluding themselves that they are...empathetic? Everybody is deluding themselves with something.

    Well that is what comes out from your post. However I do think that NFs are porbably the most accomodating temperament. As a matter of fact I think that you are hidding your empathy / friendly nature more then it actually looks like.


    To be honest with everybody: while I was searching for a number of answers about feelings I had PM exchanges with a number of NF and pretty much all of them appeard clearly warmer 1 on 1. What means that I tend you think that you are not deluding yourselfs, instead you just feel really uncomfortable showing certain parts of yourself in public.


    And to add one more thing, I tend to think that this has its roots in evolution since emotional supression did not exit until a few thousand years. (and least not to a degree in which it exists today.)
    So emotional exchanges were probably more common than today. What places NF temperament in uncomfortable position since in developed world individuals should mostly just care for themselves. What often can be opposite of working for the common good.
    While undeveloped world has the culture in which human life does not worth much.


    So to sum it: I think that you have grown defences against all of this and supressed parts of yourselves but this still comes out every now and then. (generally speaking)

  10. #10
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post

    And to add one more thing, I tend to think that this has its roots in evolution since emotional supression did not exit until a few thousand years. (and least not to a degree in which it exists today.
    So emotional exchanges were probably more common than today. What places NF temperament in uncomfortable position since in developed world individuals should mostly just care for themselves. What often can be opposite of working for the common good.
    While undeveloped world has the culture in which human life does not worth much.


    So to sum it: I think that you have grown defences against all of this and supressed parts of yourselves but this still comes out every now and then. (generally speaking)
    Not sure about your assertion regarding emotional suppression. I would suggest that is an innate biologically conserved mechanism. My guess-a theory I suppose-is that up until a few thousand years ago, we evolved to function in small hunter/gatherer bands of less than 100 or so. You grew up and lived your entire life around the same set of individuals.

    As a feeler of either Fe or Fi, you were safer and could trust those around you more to be honest and open, and to reciprocate. You supply the group with Fi-empathy or Fe-warm love, nuturing and caring and in turn get supplied with Ti-logic or Te-protection from others in the group.

    This gets very messy when the group becomes several million in a large city.

    Yes I absolutely hide and protect my emotional side. I have spent much of my life avoiding emotional connections or openess as it is a profound weakness. It's funny as I know I emo dump here, as for some reason it feels safer. It's like an anon emo practice ground where I can try out my emo now and then. In real life, I dont talk about my feelings much at all.

    However - your original question- I can answer that for me with my flavor of Fi/Te only I suppose.

    Ne funnels others' pain, anxiety and unhappiness into my perception. I cant block it very well. Fi then mirrors this pain internally inside of me, putting me in significant emotional pain/anxiety. I MUST help them or I continue to hurt. I then get "graded" on how good my helping efforts were by Te, maker of metrics. Typically I FAIL. Then I feel horribly guilty and incompetent-with Ne making it a continous cycling refrain. Pain-fail-pain-fail-pain-fail.

    Even worse is that I can tag team NeTe pretty well. It's a bit like being psychic with respect to organizational strategy and long term consequences of decisions. So I can see the results of many decisions very early and then I get to "feel" pain for others in the future, due to the poor results of the decisions, for changes that have not even happened yet.

    The little bits of cheated Fe I have tasted are more centered on this driving desire to care for the other. The other is the centerpiece??? Their happiness calms me and soothes me and leads me to try and enhance their happiness. With Fi I feel utter, stunning bliss at the happiness of the other, but the pain-fail cycle is such a fucking downer. I enjoy my cheated Fe moments.

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