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  1. #21
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    So I am wondering why NFs often have so many problems with caring for their own needs? Seriously what's the problem ?
    I'm SF and I have this problem too. I have trouble standing up for myself. I have too many self-doubts which drains my energy, but I have so much more vigor when I stand up for other people. I think it's because sometimes the value of those whom I love and care about is much clearer to me than my own value.

  2. #22
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    That was not my point/question actually .
    My point was how likely is that you will place someone elses needs before your own. (especially if it isn't something big)
    I think you hit it on the head there with regards to how important that something is. Speaking from an INFP point of view, my default mode is taking the path of least resistance; and if it is a decision that I don't find important, I'll just go with the flow or compromise instead of digging in my heels.

    For example, if I'm buying something and I feel that I can afford to pay the price that the merchant is charging, I wouldn't bother haggling even though I know I can get a cheaper price. To me, the 'negative' energy spent trying to convince the other person and 'winning' is just not worth it.

    On the other hand, if I have made a decision on something, I can be extremely stubborn and selfish, even to the point of not changing it even when I know it's a mistake and I'm wrong.

    And to answer your question in the OP, I believe personally that it's a matter of a lack of confidence. If we don't believe something strong enough, how can we expect to convince and change others? It just seems so much easier to compromise and accede to the wishes of others. And the Ne can fool us most of the time by making us believe that if others are happy, then we are happy too.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

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  3. #23
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    The reason I sometimes put others wishes/needs ahead of my own (especially about unimportant things) is

    1) Sometimes I don't want to have to make the decision.
    2) Sometimes I would prefer to handle my temporary disappointed feelings rather than the unpredictability of dealing with someone else's. I hate emotional surprises.
    3) Sometimes I don't recognize that I have been doing that until I start feeling resentful that the other person is not doing the same for me. As I've gotten older I recognize and verbalize it a lot sooner than I used to.
    4) If it doesn't matter all that much, I like the feeling of making someone else happy.
    5) I have a tendancy to try to meet whatever needs are most urgent first. As I've gotten older, I've learned not to overestimate what I can do in a certain amount of time. I also have learned to say no to some people.
    6) I never used to realize that sometimes I actually am frustrating people by being too flexible and accommodating. I've gotten better at adjusting my interactions to the type of person I'm dealing with. In general, with strong T types, I've realized that I need to be way more up front about my own needs before I get resentful.

  4. #24
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    I think you hit it on the head there with regards to how important that something is. Speaking from an INFP point of view, my default mode is taking the path of least resistance; and if it is a decision that I don't find important, I'll just go with the flow or compromise instead of digging in my heels.

    For example, if I'm buying something and I feel that I can afford to pay the price that the merchant is charging, I wouldn't bother haggling even though I know I can get a cheaper price. To me, the 'negative' energy spent trying to convince the other person and 'winning' is just not worth it.

    On the other hand, if I have made a decision on something, I can be extremely stubborn and selfish, even to the point of not changing it even when I know it's a mistake and I'm wrong.
    Agreed. If I am not putting up a fight, then frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. It's just not worth my effort and energy.

    Generally, I'm pretty self-absorbed and am always looking out for myself. I feel like I am not giving or self-sacrificing enough, but then I compare myself to SFJs I know who just do, do, do, and I seem like a lazy, selfish little thing who is all wrapped up in her own dreams and desires.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  5. #25
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    IDK.. personally, if I feel attacked or AM attacked, I stand up for myself. Depends on the person the intent of the person sending the message to me too.

    Sometimes I feel as though I need to bite my lip and hold my tongue a bit, because if I'm wronged, I say something..

    When I was younger.. It was fight fire with fire.. Not good. :P As I've gotten older, I learned to stick up for myself in a very direct, assertive way.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    i will read thread later and then answer, but there are 2 possible reasons;
    1. NFs are prone to codependence.
    2. OP as NT is misreading many of NF behavior, not that often it's not true, but some of it you simply misread

  7. #27
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    hmm yeah

    but that kind of behavior is typical for guys and girls too

    i.e. guy who drinks and smokes and drugs, cleans himself up bc of his gf.

    i.e. girl who takes care of kids and family because its an extension of herself.

    this kind of behavior is common for anyone

  8. #28
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    I think this is a really good question and all I have is a really bad answer -- it's just always been a knee-jerk response with me -- it's my honest-to-goodness first response to a situation without ever having to think about it. Later on, I might think things through and realize that I could have very reasonably been a little more selfish and no one would have blamed me -- but that only comes a lot later. I can remember as a kid giving my ESFJ sister toys that I no longer wanted and then realizing with puzzlement and shock that she never gave me any of her toys. Later it was clothes -- one day I asked for a dress back and she refused and got mad with me and it was very, very disconcerting to me like my universe had turned upside down.

  9. #29
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    NFs are prone to low self esteem.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  10. #30
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I can't even remember how othen I have heard something like this as side comment in a post made by NF.

    So I am wondering why NFs often have so many problems with caring for their own needs? Seriously what's the problem ?

    I will post more as the thread goes.
    Well, personally, other people's problems matter so much more to me. My tears are nothing when another friend is crying. For me I feel an overwhelming amount of compassion, possibly true to most other NFs.

    Edit: It kind of sounds like I missed the point of the question, but I didn't. I am fierce in defending the people I care deeply about, but not commonly in defending myself.

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