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  1. #1
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Exclamation INFJ and the potential "stalker" within

    I don't know if you already see what I mean by this...

    When I am interested in knowing someone better and see that fuzzy feelings are starting to fill me, I often start looking around for information on that person. I soon become very fascinated and start caring very much... I'm often afraid people will misunderstand (and it has happened), especially that fascinating person...

    So I keep very discreet and quiet, and keep the lid tight over my emotions, especially around that person, even becoming cold and somewhat aloof.

    And then if I express anything because I'm so exasperated nothing is happening and the person is not cooperating, I get the "You're so independant," "I didn't know you cared at all" "It's not all that easy to read you" and "I had no idea I had any importance to you!"

    I am so afraid of becoming a stalker and hurt the potential relationship that I repress everything and live it mostly on the inside.

    I'm not sure how to explain it...
    Y'know what I mean?

  2. #2
    Senior Member LindseyLadybug's Avatar
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    I completely understand! Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I've always felt like some kind of freak for suddenly caring for the person so strongly...and not knowing why. It leaves me baffled. And I know if people were to find out, they would think I am some kind of twisted person.
    "Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes...I fancy myself to be a 64-color box...I can only meet the 8-color boxes...I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation...so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type... I'm like, "Hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "Oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "No - I want magenta!" -John Mayer

  3. #3
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    You don't have to be an INFJ. A lot of people act like that.
    "Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical and expecting more than others think is possible." - Mac Anderson

  4. #4
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EricHanson View Post
    You don't have to be an INFJ. A lot of people act like that.
    Yeah... Do you Thinking types get this a lot? (Since you don't express feelings much?) But then, you don't feel as much either...

  5. #5
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindseyLadybug View Post
    I completely understand! Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I've always felt like some kind of freak for suddenly caring for the person so strongly...and not knowing why. It leaves me baffled. And I know if people were to find out, they would think I am some kind of twisted person.
    You say you don't know why... Well, I think we idealists have to admit we are sometimes drawn to people because we believe we've found ideals in them, and they fascinate us just like an NT who's made a scientific discovery. The INFJ has made a human discovery and is ready to place it under the microscope of psychology and spirituality... This is where we have to be careful (in my experience) and to be really open-minded about who that person is, not what we think and hope she is. Then we start to love that person for real.
    At the same time, I feel that I am often drawn to people who are "diamonds in the rough" and feel I might help them see it.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    I don't know if you already see what I mean by this...

    When I am interested in knowing someone better and see that fuzzy feelings are starting to fill me, I often start looking around for information on that person. I soon become very fascinated and start caring very much... I'm often afraid people will misunderstand (and it has happened), especially that fascinating person...

    So I keep very discreet and quiet, and keep the lid tight over my emotions, especially around that person, even becoming cold and somewhat aloof.

    And then if I express anything because I'm so exasperated nothing is happening and the person is not cooperating, I get the "You're so independant," "I didn't know you cared at all" "It's not all that easy to read you" and "I had no idea I had any importance to you!"

    I am so afraid of becoming a stalker and hurt the potential relationship that I repress everything and live it mostly on the inside.

    I'm not sure how to explain it...
    Y'know what I mean?
    Yes I do. I do the same thing, actually I feel like I could have written that!

    Sadly, this does not help me, but I find the prospect of being direct worse.

  7. #7
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    Sure, I do the "stalking" thing. Thank you, Internet. And not only with potential romantic partners. If something interests me, I do some research and if I find it fascinating, I get very deep.

    But I've had it the other way round as well. People who don't interest me romantically but as fascinating human beings with whom I enjoy talking to. They misunderstand my sudden interest in getting to know them as something deeply romantic.

    However, the information you've found can be interpreted in different ways and it can't always be reliable. A bit of background info is useful but you'd have to be careful not to let it get to you. As you said, the risk of idealizing that person is quite high if you don't control it. And it is hard to control if you're head over heals in your "fuzzy feelings".

  8. #8
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    *writes down names of participants*
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by EcK View Post
    *writes down names of participants*
    You make it sound like stalking is something inherently sinister.

  10. #10
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    You make it sound like stalking is something inherently sinister.
    Underlines sky's name twice

    please ladies, don't mind me, i'm just being a silly bear.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

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