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  1. #31
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I wonder if this sort of thing is just typical NF behavior since we are, on the whole, sensitive about having our feelings hurt. The lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, it can be so easy to crush us, truly. I know whenever I like someone I feel a little embarrassed about it at first, it makes me feel insecure. I tell myself to "be cool,." What I'm seeing here is not that you are a stalker, but that you are almost expressing shame for being so emotionally vulnerable and romantic.
    I suppose I've been so often misunderstood about it that I ended up feeling it was wrong to love intensely. I suppose it is normal to be misunderstood when you're like 1% of the population and the whole lot of Ss think you're freak or sick for being NF. I allow myself to love intensely on the inside, but I keep it out of sight.

  2. #32
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post

    Back to the main question: I've felt stalker-y only once with someone who was a pathological push-pull, come-forward, go-back individual. I was particularly vulnerable at the time, and it was not a good feeling to feel so....desperate. I'm stronger in myself now, and that helps when I have strong romantic feelings. I don't get quite so lost in the feelings.
    Oh, I SO relate to that. I think that someone who is inconsistent with you will heighten the INFJ's stalker-ish tendencies. I've had this experience. And I'm afraid I have to place myself on the stalker list as well. Facebook/Internet etc certainly hasn't helped with this...or it has helped, depending on your perspective... And yes, it is one of the things about myself that worries me
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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I wonder if this sort of thing is just typical NF behavior since we are, on the whole, sensitive about having our feelings hurt. The lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, it can be so easy to crush us, truly. I know whenever I like someone I feel a little embarrassed about it at first, it makes me feel insecure. I tell myself to "be cool,." What I'm seeing here is not that you are a stalker, but that you are almost expressing shame for being so emotionally vulnerable and romantic.
    Exactly! This is what I trying to say but did so so poorly. I feel exactly this way when I'm extremely attracted to someone (as I am now). I know I feel my heart is on my sleeve, all the time. But the bolded part: very true for me. I do feel an almost shame about being emotionally vulnerable and romantic. I'm fortunate in that the object of my desire gently lets me know he loves this about me and to keep it coming. I need this encouragement or acceptance from someone I'm interested in, otherwise I'll clam up in heart and voice. But so true for me too about telling myself to "be cool." The vibe I put out can be so intense. I have to tell myself to relax and just be in the moment. But the "so easy to crush"---not long ago, my romantic interest said something I misinterpreted. I thought he might be setting a boundary that hadn't previously existed (he wasn't..I misunderstood and it was clarified). But in that moment, I completely shrank inside myself and was speechless for long minutes. He knew something was wrong but I literally could not speak. I thought a door was closing between us, and I was, in that moment, utterly flattened.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Oh, I SO relate to that. I think that someone who is inconsistent with you will heighten the INFJ's stalker-ish tendencies. I've had this experience. And I'm afraid I have to place myself on the stalker list as well. Facebook/Internet etc certainly hasn't helped with this...or it has helped, depending on your perspective... And yes, it is one of the things about myself that worries me
    I agree that someone who is inconsistent will heighten these tendancies. You're driven nuts by the mixed messages. I did some things (not horrible just embarrassing when I think back on it) that I would never normally do. For instance, waiting around late in the office with no reason to do so to see if he was meeting up with the office secretary for a fling. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. But it did shock me some that someone could shake me up so much that I had my high beams on his behavior, watching his every move. Never again.

  5. #35
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    yes yes, i am also a "stalker with good intentions" at times

  6. #36
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    I don't know if you already see what I mean by this...

    When I am interested in knowing someone better and see that fuzzy feelings are starting to fill me, I often start looking around for information on that person. I soon become very fascinated and start caring very much... I'm often afraid people will misunderstand (and it has happened), especially that fascinating person...

    So I keep very discreet and quiet, and keep the lid tight over my emotions, especially around that person, even becoming cold and somewhat aloof.

    And then if I express anything because I'm so exasperated nothing is happening and the person is not cooperating, I get the "You're so independant," "I didn't know you cared at all" "It's not all that easy to read you" and "I had no idea I had any importance to you!"

    I am so afraid of becoming a stalker and hurt the potential relationship that I repress everything and live it mostly on the inside.

    I'm not sure how to explain it...
    Y'know what I mean?
    I hate to admit it...but this is me
    I am very loving but I am afraid that I will come across as too pushy and intense if I show how much I care. But the I go entirely the other way and turn into the "ice-queen". But eventually it all comes out and I end up looking like an obsessed stalker anyway
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  7. #37
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I'm all extroverted about my stalking, but i'm all sorts of stalker about my stalking .
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  8. #38
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I do this to an extent (the usual googling their name type of thing), but I've had other people cross certain boundaries with me which left a bad taste in my mouth, and I am careful about how much I dig for info on a person online.

    I try and keep it to finding their social networking profiles and that sort of thing, but I don't google screen names I know they use to find other places that they might post online anonymously; if it cannot be found with their real name or email, it's off limits, IMO. That's a line I have set. I didn't respect that in the past, but after having it violated I am sensitive to it.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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