Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
I don't care how down you were, this guy had no right to criticize you. He simply doesn't understand you and has demonstrated an unwillingness to do so. I find I get to that depression/low state in relationships when someone is sucking away too much of my emotional energy. Do you feel this guy does that to you? If I'm in a healthy give & take relationship/situation/friendship, the deep dark emotional side of me doesn't come out as strongly
You may be right, that I rarely actually show emotion, so when it comes out it is possibly viewed in a very extreme way.

After thinking about it, and actually getting pissed off ;-), I agree that he has demonstrated a total unwillingness to even attempt to understand. He doesn't want to, and was pretty much trying to invalidate all of my feelings, and criticizing my very character, like I have a huge flaw for even *having* feelings and a different emotional state from where I was at in July. When people are critical of me, my initial reaction is to think they're right, and to then start invalidating myself of my own accord.

But I'm over that stage now. :-)

I don't know that he was 'sucking too much energy' from me; but there was definitely an imbalance, and I suppose I was aware that he really liked the 'happy me', and so that's where I felt I had to BE a certain way to be accepted - anything outside of that, and I wouldn't be accepted. So I'm sure there was a lot of 'dark emotion' buildup.

Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
I've been called all sorts of things ranging from moody to much more hurtful judgments that were completely off-base. I know that I'm a constantly shifting weather pattern, but I do make sense, and it's not fair that you were treated as if you were all right one way and not all right another. CzeCze was correct: it's utter childishness. Anyone forcing you to put on a mask that doesn't fit is no one you want "into" you.
I can really relate to this. Now getting the hurtful judgements cast on me is a relatively new experience (and I still don't inwardly understand people being critical - *I* don't take pleasure in criticizing others (and I don't do it) like they seem to enjoy doing against me! Maybe I should start doing it?? haha). I usually keep things to myself, but this year I have gotten things slung at me twice, because I've opted to be more open and 'real'. ;-) Oh, I know there's a balance I haven't reached yet!! More things to think about. This is what happens when a normally avoidant person (in terms of expressing themselves) starts expressing themselves...I'm probably akin to a rusty gate, and need a bit of practice. :-)

I DO feel I'm a shifting weather pattern ;-), although in my case it usually stays under the surface and it doesn't need to come out, and I deal with it fine on my own. I feel like it all ties together into something coherent. And I have to remind myself again that I have several friends who have never taken issue with who I am, in such a reactive, pushing-away way that this guy did.

So I'm no longer upset with the guy. I'm

This isn't to say I hate him or anything, but I do need to assess and think about future relationships, as I believe I'm on some level seeking the 'wrong' types of people out, and putting up with crap that I rationally don't find caring or acceptable at all, so that's definitely a ball that's in my court. :-)