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  1. #1
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Default Fe fail in INFJs

    Hey, INFJs, under what kinds of circumstances would you fail at Fe execution?

    I'm trying to decide if I have an INFJ sx/sp, or if I have an INTJ sx/sp who executes Fe in situations where she feels comfortable but isn't able to harness it when she's less comfortable.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
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    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    If I don't know 'the rules' I can easily fail. If I'm uncomfortable and engaging in nervous chatter, sometimes stuff comes out of my mouth that gets me in trouble and I know it's happening, but I can't seem to stop it. My Fe is normally more in touch with the emotional atmosphere, so I can totally overlook common courtesies in regards to, say, offering someone a drink when they come to my house, etc. I'm completely lost in a kitchen full of other women as well.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Hey, INFJs, under what kinds of circumstances would you fail at Fe execution?
    How are you defining 'Fe execution'? i.e. what behaviors are you thinking of?

    There are many elements of Fe (beyond social etiquette) so I want to be sure I'm understanding what you're speaking of before I give a response.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    I have a name: Lexicon !
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    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    How are you defining 'Fe execution'? i.e. what behaviors are you thinking of?

    There are many elements of Fe (beyond social etiquette) so I want to be sure I'm understanding what you're speaking of before I give a response.
    Ditto. I need to know this before I can respond.

    I'm INFJ sx/sp, btw.

  6. #6
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Well, the specific situation is this:

    Usehername forms very close relationship with one of her young profs who is new to the city, then prof has baby and goes on mat leave and Usehername changes labels from former student to friend. We'd been emailing about stuff for a long while but Monday was the first time I went over to her home.

    When she opened the door she started off with a minor Fe hosting fail (walked to her living room and sat down while I needed to de-winterize clothing because it was -32*C), which didn't bother me but seemed to throw off her confidence, which led to stop/start/stop/start small talk because she was nervous, etc.

    I've been dealing with considerable (unrelated) stress, which she knew from our emails, so I'm wondering how much my emotional stoicism, a safety feature to endure the present stress, magnified her initial nerves. Though my words were kind, she told me at the end that I was "a hard read," and pretty much admitted to wondering if I thought she was worth the effort to come visit with (not in a guilt-tripping way, but simply "I know you liked me before I had my baby when I was your prof, but you are such a stoic I really couldn't get a read off of you today and I don't know if you had a good time or if you just said you did").

    How much of this is related to me, i.e., the actions that I can take to make her feel more comfortable, and how much of this is just her own feelings she needs to sort through?
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #7
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    ^ Interesting!

    I will say I think I can be oblivious at times to social etiquette - i.e. your coat example. Or things like offering drinks, or the like. Sometimes I'm quite on top of that stuff, but other times I'm just distracted or it's not even something I focus much attention on or place much importance on in the first place so I thus don't think about it, or think about it late after the person's holding their coat or looking around or something.

    To the rest of your example, I will say that I can be pretty sensitive to non-verbal body language from others. If the other person seems uncomfortable, then I in turn will likely become uncomfortable or at least more insecure. Or if the other person seems bored or isn't fully present, I might not know what to do or might think they don't want to be there. I'm fairly certain this is why I tend to hit it off a lot easier with other Fe's (and 'read' them easier) than with Fi's; because I simply can't 'read' Fi's or Fi's often seem so nonchalant or mellow or apathetic that I start thinking they don't even want to be there. It just means it's not as natural to me, and might take longer for both of us to relax/warm up, and 'get' each other.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #8
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    When it comes to hosting, my biggest Fe fails happen when my guests come unannounced. I usually feel ao annoyed by that so I might not even bother hiding it that much and that influences me a lot, I don't notice the things I should be doing to make them comfortable. When my privacy is suddenly interrupted, although I might like the people visiting, I do have certain rules about not visiting me when uninvited or without previous engagement :steam:

    So, this is all about feeling comfortable in certain situation in order for my Fe to have full power.

    I'm an INFJ 4w5 sp/so


    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    To the rest of your example, I will say that I can be pretty sensitive to non-verbal body language from others. If the other person seems uncomfortable, then I in turn will likely become uncomfortable or at least more insecure. Or if the other person seems bored or isn't fully present, I might not know what to do or might think they don't want to be there.
    I agree with this. I pick up the little clues from other people or just have a bad vibe about the situation and that makes me want to shut down so that the whole ordeal would go by faster or more tolerably.

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    Is this a thread about Billy?

  10. #10
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    It's a thread about Billy.

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