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  1. #1
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    Default I wish I was something else.

    Being an xNFP for me is hard. Maybe it would be better, but I think I have the worst of all the traits. I am highly emotional, and change my mind with the wind. I also have self esteem issues and don't really like to do things for myself, I'd prefer doing stuff for others. I am also a pretty flakey person. I hate being tied down to a schedule and a lot of times I agree to do things that I don't really want to do, and rather than just doing them anyways I will avoid people and just not show up. Bad huh? I don't really let people in, and I am impossible to befriend, unless I REALLY like you, which isn't likely. I don't really trust people unless they prove themselves to me, which is extremely hard to do because I don't seem to give people much of a chance. I think I am conditioned to be this way though because I used to be over trusting and let people walk all over me a bit. Because I have no logical decision making center in my brain (no really, I think 100% with my emotions), I cannot keep a job, and because I change my mind so much and lose interest in things so often, I can't decide what I want to be "when I grow up". Therefore, my life kind of sucks. Or rather, I suck at life. I don't know how I am supposed to overcome these issues if they are just a part of who I am. Was I born to be a loser? I am only so incredibly lucky to have a nice husband who supports me in whatever venture I may decide to do, no matter how often I change my mind. He is my rock and my stability in life.

  2. #2
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    a lot of times I agree to do things that I don't really want to do, and rather than just doing them anyways I will avoid people and just not show up. Bad huh?

    It's fine to change your mind, but you really should give people notice. I'd be annoyed if someone didn't show up when they said they would, but I would understand if their plans changed and they gave me warning that this happened.
    I have a vagina.


    ENTP . 7w6 sx/sp

  3. #3
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    Was I born to be a loser?
    No.

    The rest, I'll have to think on, however, I find the Enneagram is much more useful for this sort of thing than the MBTI, which basically tells people, "Oh, you like to think introvertedly or perceive extrovertedly or whatever, so here, have at it." The Enneagram deals with levels of health, which imho provides a much more positive outlook that states any personality type can become healthier if they currently aren't operating at full capacity.
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  4. #4
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by speculative View Post
    No.

    The rest, I'll have to think on, however, I find the Enneagram is much more useful for this sort of thing than the MBTI.
    +1000000

    Really, for this stuff enneagram is really helpful.

    OP: You maybe know your enneagram type?

    anyway, i can relate to you being NFP is very hard if you didnt grew up in supportive enviorment, or for some reason you didnt learn to be yourself and good at it, but it can be done

  5. #5
    Junior Member dylate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    Being an xNFP for me is hard. ...

    Was I born to be a loser?
    From a NT perspective:

    Life is hard. I used to think like this when I was a wee lad, until I went to china and africa, and saw how poor people can get. Yet, they were pretty damn happy. I realized how damn lucky I am, how I have 2 arms and 2 legs, no terminal illness , a house to be nurtured in, a caring family, a education, and my health. In truth, different people have different advantages and disadvantages regardless of type, if you concentrate on your bad traits, you will spiral into a vortex of despair and its only going to get worst from there.

    You just need to think about the good things about your personality. I used to think I was a sociopath because I didn't care about people the same way they cared about me, but that is different now. I try to understand the importance of people in my life but in the end I have lost alot of friends because of my self-centeredness. I am now older and wiser and realize that I need to develop my feeling side and try to understand the importance of friends and family. You are a perciever, I am sure you can think of many ways to counter-act your high emotions, try starting to let your heart think more objectively and logically perhaps? Balance out your functions, I believe its possible to change through understanding.

    Everyone is born a loser in this world, we are stuck with a type and some types have a easier time then others but guess what?

    The type of people who have the shittiest time getting along turn out to the most interesting and most mature people.

    Think about the good things you have and concentrate on them, like the fact you have a husband that loves you for who you are. Fuck the rest.

    I can barely meet a girl that can understand me, but I know there is one out there.



    Interesting fact: my ex-gf was INFP

  6. #6
    desert pelican Owl's Avatar
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    I'd suggest you study ethics. If you're a very emotional person who changes her mind often, then you're going to need to have firmly established beliefs about what is truly good, of the highest value, and worth pursuing, so that your passionate nature doesn't divide your effort into too many projects, or, worse, into conflicting projects.

    Beliefs are cognitive; they are concerned with what is true and false. This means you need to transform your mind if you expect to see practical results.

    Whatever you decide, may you find peace.

  7. #7
    /X\(:: :: )/X\ BlueSprout's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    Being an xNFP for me is hard. Maybe it would be better, but I think I have the worst of all the traits. I am highly emotional, and change my mind with the wind. I also have self esteem issues and don't really like to do things for myself, I'd prefer doing stuff for others. I am also a pretty flakey person. I hate being tied down to a schedule and a lot of times I agree to do things that I don't really want to do, and rather than just doing them anyways I will avoid people and just not show up. Bad huh? I don't really let people in, and I am impossible to befriend, unless I REALLY like you, which isn't likely. I don't really trust people unless they prove themselves to me, which is extremely hard to do because I don't seem to give people much of a chance. I think I am conditioned to be this way though because I used to be over trusting and let people walk all over me a bit. Because I have no logical decision making center in my brain (no really, I think 100% with my emotions), I cannot keep a job, and because I change my mind so much and lose interest in things so often, I can't decide what I want to be "when I grow up". Therefore, my life kind of sucks. Or rather, I suck at life. I don't know how I am supposed to overcome these issues if they are just a part of who I am. Was I born to be a loser? I am only so incredibly lucky to have a nice husband who supports me in whatever venture I may decide to do, no matter how often I change my mind. He is my rock and my stability in life.
    According to recent studies, emotion is part of decision-making in everyone.

    Jonah Lehrer: Passions Of The Brain : NPR

    Everyone uses it in this process to some degree:

    Study: Emotion rules the brain's decisions - USATODAY.com

    Bottom line: it's okay to be an emotional person. Emotion is not a bad thing and is not antithetical to intelligence or success. I'm still coming to grips with this, myself. You are not alone and it IS difficult to live up to the expectations that others have when you are different.

    Self-esteem issues, on the other hand, can be very damaging to your innate strengths and abilities. Avoidant behavior and distrust are self-sabotaging behaviors in the long run. I emphasize self sabotage because it is likely you have a lot to offer. Your inability or unwillingness to do things/make friends you don't want to is no measure of your potential as a person or friend.

    If you are restless, maybe you need more stimulation at your job, or to find one that suits you better - I know this may be difficult in this economy, but think long term. Don't think of this as "growing up", which is intimidating, but give yourself a chance to explore what you are good at and what you like: take a class or two at a local college and see whether you can sustain interest in it. Or, if you are passionate about helping others, find a cause and volunteer in a capacity you can handle. Baby steps. Don't pressure yourself if it doesn't work out, but also apply yourself harder than you normally would; you need to put a lot in to get a lot out. A sense of accomplishment (finishing a class, doing a good job, getting recognition for your talents) does wonders for the self-esteem. You may never know your real abilities or the magnitude of your internal strength if you don't put yourself out there. It's cliche, but true.

    If you get out there and do just one thing you like to do, you will meet people in a controlled setting. That is, you know when you will see them and can greatly control the amount of contact you have with them. Co-workers and classmates are easier to get to know on a gradual basis and, if it's not working out, cutting emotional ties and drifting away is not so hard. Also, there is an added bonus that they have goals (and possibly interests) in common with you. If you don't like to really let people in, talking about work, school, etc. can help you interact from a "safe" emotional distance until you get to know them better.

    You don't have to think about big 'chances' to give people; almost always, this sets up unreasonable expectations. Find out the qualities you want in a close friend and what you want in a close friendship. Learn to look for these qualities in the people you meet and like; look at their existing friendships, how they talk about their friends, the way they respond to people in distress, etc. You can gradually let them know more about your internal self at your own pace as you feel comfortable. Just DON'T turn into a doormat again (or else how can you trust that they even like you) and DON'T feel bad about backing off from a person who consistently fails the little tests that every friendship has (note: consistently, everyone makes mistakes). Be yourself and don't compromise too much, or you will never trust anyone to like you for you even if you do make friendships work.

    If you have social anxiety, are avoidant, have self esteem issues or codependency issues with your husband, etc., you can always join groups online to work through these things or even just to see how abnormal you aren't. Trust me, you are not alone. Welcome to the madhouse.

  8. #8
    Member littledarling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    Being an xNFP for me is hard. Maybe it would be better, but I think I have the worst of all the traits. I am highly emotional, and change my mind with the wind. I also have self esteem issues and don't really like to do things for myself, I'd prefer doing stuff for others. I am also a pretty flakey person. I hate being tied down to a schedule and a lot of times I agree to do things that I don't really want to do, and rather than just doing them anyways I will avoid people and just not show up. Bad huh? I don't really let people in, and I am impossible to befriend, unless I REALLY like you, which isn't likely. I don't really trust people unless they prove themselves to me, which is extremely hard to do because I don't seem to give people much of a chance. I think I am conditioned to be this way though because I used to be over trusting and let people walk all over me a bit. Because I have no logical decision making center in my brain (no really, I think 100% with my emotions), I cannot keep a job, and because I change my mind so much and lose interest in things so often, I can't decide what I want to be "when I grow up". Therefore, my life kind of sucks. Or rather, I suck at life. I don't know how I am supposed to overcome these issues if they are just a part of who I am. Was I born to be a loser? I am only so incredibly lucky to have a nice husband who supports me in whatever venture I may decide to do, no matter how often I change my mind. He is my rock and my stability in life.
    Take heart. I don't believe anyone is destined to "be a loser". In us all there is a wellspring of potential. It seems to me that perhaps the problems you are describing aren't as much of a personality issue as they are emotional and/or psychological issues manifesting in certain aspects of your personality. I think the most important thing you can do for yourself is to possibly look at the obstacles in your way that are preventing you from becoming the best version of you. I think you're on the right track by questioning all of it. Remember that we all have quirks and misgivings, we all have things to work on in ourselves. I don't believe that there are"bad personalities". Only unhealthy ones.
    Rain makes applesauce

  9. #9
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    in desiring to be something else, you become ever more of a "loser" if you don't find a way to value the unique richness of your own experiences, perspectives, etc and find a way to make life in harmonize with you. in wishing to be "something else", you become more of the same (another figure in society caught up in unconstructive, self-negating daydreams)

  10. #10
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    ^ That's true, but being "100% emotional" isn't really useful, and it is something you can and should work on. Try to develop your rational side, and try to accept yourself for who you are. Chances are you'll always be a little irrational and emotional, but that's not a problem if you don't take it to the extremes. Some physical exercise might help.

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