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  1. #11
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    Why would you think you have the worst traits? I'm very sure you are gifted in some ways.

    Why would you think you're a loser when there are people in your life who love you for who you are?

  2. #12
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by breakfastsurreal View Post
    Therefore, my life kind of sucks. Or rather, I suck at life. I don't know how I am supposed to overcome these issues if they are just a part of who I am. Was I born to be a loser?


    there are many awesome things about you too, i am sure (and if you don't believe me, just ask your husband). for one, you are introspective and a deep thinker which many people lack. you are interesting because you are not like everyone else. i'm sure this can make you feel like a loner and despondent at times, but i think if you are able to tap into what you are gifted at instead of focusing on the "worser traits" of being an XNFP, you will feel much better.

    i agree with littledarling, you have a "wellspring of potential" -- it's just about tapping into it and changing the tape in your brain that plays i-am-a-loser-i-have-nothing-to-offer TO i-am-awesome-and-have-a-lot-to-offer.

  3. #13
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    A few things.

    1. Don't rely on your husband as the only person who doesn't fail you, you will be sorely hurt when he does.

    2. You need to rewrite that telling us your positive traits.

    3. You seem to be getting caught up in what you want to do and forgetting that other people are out there. If you say yes, mean yes, if you say no, mean no. Don't be a wuss and try to make people happy only to hurt them more later by ignoring them.

    How old are you? Like other people said, as an NFP I'm sure you have lots of positive traits. You sound like you've been hurt and retreated from people a bit and it's hurting you. Or I'm wrong and you can tell me to shut the heck up.


  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    A few things.

    1. Don't rely on your husband as the only person who doesn't fail you, you will be sorely hurt when he does.

    2. You need to rewrite that telling us your positive traits.

    3. You seem to be getting caught up in what you want to do and forgetting that other people are out there. If you say yes, mean yes, if you say no, mean no. Don't be a wuss and try to make people happy only to hurt them more later by ignoring them.

    How old are you? Like other people said, as an NFP I'm sure you have lots of positive traits. You sound like you've been hurt and retreated from people a bit and it's hurting you. Or I'm wrong and you can tell me to shut the heck up.

    What Elaur said too!

    ...or you can tell me to shut up, too...

    Anyway....


  5. #15
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    thanks everyone for your wonderful comments. I think when I wrote this I was being very negative and emotional (shocker? lol). I know there are good things about myself...but it makes me sad because I don't feel like those good things come through, I feel like I am so lacking in other areas that it overshadows the good traits. I just need to reign in my insecurities...and you all are right, I need to start accomplishing things. Some good things about me that I can name off the top of my head....I am a GREAT mom I think. I have a 14 month old who is an angel, and taking care of her is a job I haven't tired of. You are right also in saying that i am a deep thinker, and very introspective. I take a lot of responsibility on that isn't mine, and I think that is part of why I have trouble letting people in these days....I just don't feel I have that much to give emotionally, because i put all of my energy into my family. Both my Grandmothers recently died, and my Dad (a PREACHER!) just ran off with another woman and divorced my mom, so I've been through a LOT this year, and because of my daughter I didn't wallow in sadness or stay in bed all day when these things were happening. Ahhh well I want to write so much more but time is an issue now, my therapy appointment is at noon so I must go! (at least I'm in therapy, right?!) Thank you all again and I will write more hwne I get back...there is something extremely theraputic about sharing such intimate details with perfect strangers on the internet, when I won't even share them with friends..

  6. #16
    Member monocycle's Avatar
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    I agree with pretty much what everyone has said before me.

    Your post also reminded me of a post on an INFP Facebook group a while back. It was pretty much saying how all INFPs should pursue/aspire to be more like an ESTJ because they're more efficient and valuable in the world. I say this because it is the last thing anyone should try to do. Don't try to change who you are at the core (and of course no one should ever try to be an ESTJ ).

    There is definitely a difference in making who you are better (i.e. Let people know you don't intend on showing up for something rather than just not showing up), but you should never try to be someone else because you think it would be better than what you are now.

    You'll get through.
    From the One Light, the entire universe welled up. So who is good, and who is bad? -- Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 1349

  7. #17
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by monocycle View Post
    Your post also reminded me of a post on an INFP Facebook group a while back. It was pretty much saying how all INFPs should pursue/aspire to be more like an ESTJ because they're more efficient and valuable in the world. I say this because it is the last thing anyone should try to do. Don't try to change who you are at the core (and of course no one should ever try to be an ESTJ ).
    Yeah. Finding out what you are at your core should be the better option in your case since you seem to be trying to do too many things at the same time. Identify the things you are good at and are the most passionate about, something you can return to regularly. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the negativeness and you start telling yourself "I suck", that is your escape route. It doesn't even have to be something world-changing. Just any hobby or activity that you can enjoy.

    Lots of good advice already in the other replies so I have just 1 small thing to add. Set your boundaries when you interact with others so that you don't get trampled over. It will seem sometimes that everyone needs your help and you want to make everyone happy but you've got to learn how to say "No".
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  8. #18
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    OK, so...I read up on enneagram stuff yesterday and took the test. The first time I took it I scored to be a 9. That seemed to fit me pretty well. Then I realized that I have changed, and I am really confused about my transformation. Is what I was before I changed my TRUE self that I am denying? Have I adapted because I had to given circumstances (living with an ISTP), or did who I am truly change?
    So, I decided to go back and retake the ennegram test using the answers i would have picked before I got together with my ISTP...and I came out as a 2. That sounded a lot more like me, at the core. But I think I have a 1 wing for sure. I was reading some threads on here about 2's, and they said that 2's are typically a certain type (i cant remember) but it was not an xNFP. So maybe I'm not a 2? Ahhh so confusing! Someone analyze me! lol.

  9. #19
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    It doesn't surprise me that you've "changed" trying to "fit" a little better into what you think you should be. It sux that we are too easy to do that.

  10. #20
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    i dont feel like i could go back to being my "old self" very easily though...should I try? Or embrace the "new" me?

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