[NF] NF's and cheating

[arcticangel02]

I don't know, I haven't ever really had any relationships that have lasted long enough for me to cheat, but it wouldn't nessecarily surprise me to find out that I'm capable of it. :/ I would like to think I wouldn't, but don't we all?

As far as cheating on tests and the like, I have been known to sneak sideways glances. But always on minor and unimportant things (like board games with friends). I won't on anything major.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

Technically speaking, I committed adultery several nights a week for like nearly two years as did he. I've been in an open relationship(s) or at least with a partner who consented/was aware of what I was doing at the time. I'm not above breaking any of the ten commandments if I felt the need to do so. I worry that I could even be capable of murder. There was a point in my life due to circumstances being what they were I could have been accused of murder and would have been unable to say/prove that I didn't do it. Needless to say in my personal history I've done many things which are despicable in the human arsenal of f***ed up things to do.

 

[Domino]

No. I don't cheat. I'm in it to win it, end of story. It takes me forever to want to be with someone THAT BAD, so I wouldn't be daft enough to mess it up. Not to say that I haven't had married men dangled under my nose -- you don't stop being human. But you do have control over yourself and so does he. Cheating is cowardly and devaluing. I always think of the woman he took down the aisle IN TRUST and it makes me look at him like he's a conniving jerk. Same for the cheating women. You made a promise to take care of someone and love them. If you can't live up to that promise, just leave. Don't cheat. Who needs that kind of hurt?

I know people in open relationships. I could never do that myself, but if it works for them, I've got no opinion on it.

 

[cascadeco]

Uhhmm...I haven't done it, no. Growing up, with test-taking, I always felt cheating was 'wrong', and I was always hyper-paranoid and would go to great lengths to cover up my paper so that people on either side of me *wouldn't* cheat off of MY paper. And, I would think badly of people who DID cheat. ;-)

As for relationships, no, I've never done that either. The concept just totally devalues **everyone** involved.

But...I'm aware of how and why it happens. If a persons' needs aren't being met, or they aren't being validated, then of course they'll be quite drawn to people who DO actually validate them. I mean, that just seems pretty human to me. However, I have a hard time not thinking it's pathetic and cowardly when people make the choice to cheat. I mean, there are numerous OTHER options - like actually looking at yourself and the relationship you're supposedly in, and either working on it or ending it.

If my needs aren't being met, I can't 'hide' it for very long. If I'm unhappy, it will eventually spill forth, and if the relationship isn't working for myself or both parties, then I would certainly end it. Because what's the point of staying in it otherwise??

 

[Sandy]

One of the most painful periods of my life...

I have been in a relationship where I was cheated on -- I was in absolute shock. The whole betrayal was so painful, I felt like he had pulled my heart out and repeatedly stomped on it. If it wasn't for my kids, I would have rather died than go through that experience. Saying that, there is NO WAY I would ever cheat on my sweetheart... I'd rather leave and be alone than play around. I'm absolutely a one-man woman. (I don't even date around -- I can only date one man at a time).

I know I cheated on a biology test in 9th grade, and I have felt guilty ever since. (I won't go there again).

 

[paradox]

No, I don't think I could cheat, although nearly every woman is beautiful to me. In the end it would be hard to pull the trigger. I would not jive with my values.

As far as tests and stuff.....depends on the situation. If I'm really into the subject, no...if not, probably.

I would never plagiarize though, too much passion for my own words to use the words of others.

 

[Tigerlily]

The idea of cheating or being unfaithful is a definite NO! I realize those are strong words, but I love, respect and admire my Husband too much to ever do that to him. He and I have talked about this before and we both agreed that if we were unhappy we'd be upfront about it and solve the problem/s before it got any worse. Definitely before it got to the point where we'd turn to another for companionship.

As for other areas of cheating it depends really. Overall I would say no to that as well.

 

[sakuraba]

I know an ENFJ who cheated on her two past boyfriends.

They're not all angels you know

 

[Shinzon]

*

 

[ladypinkington]

Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?

I have never cheated nor ever would. That to me is the worst thing one can do to another in a relationship. I don't understand why someone wouldn't just leave or break up with a person instead of cheating on them. To me that says that the person cares more about themselves then the other person and in a relationship I just believe that you should put the other person first and do right by them.

Relationships are extremely sacred to me- marriage the most. I am fiercely loyal and believe in true blueship. There are no circumstances which condone cheating in my opinion. I don't care if a person is in a coma and the wife/husband/life partner is lonely- they should remain committed until death.
If the person doesn't have a life-long committment, which a marriage or union is, to the person in the coma and they don't feel able to be loyal then they should have some sort of breakup even if one sided because of the circumstances- they should not give into cheating and go back to the coma person. Either stay loyal or move on completely.

If a person isn't getting what he/she needs from a relationship then they need to communicate it and have a responsibility to try be honest and try to work it out and if that doesn't work they need to move on by breaking off first. I also believe that there should be a valued bestfriendship involved with a mate because physical attractions can come and go but a bestfriendship makes for a meaningful and committed foundation.

It takes two to tango and make a relationship work-and both should put the other before themselves.

I consider romantic kissing with another person cheating and a breaking point and any form of sexual act the point of no return.

 

[Lateralus]

Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?

I never have, never will. I don't even allow myself to get into a situation where there's temptation.

Sex with someone outside of the relationship is obviously cheating, as is falling in love with someone else. Everything else is fuzzy, circumstantial.

I've immediately broken up with every girl that's ever cheated on me, but I'm starting to think that's because I knew they weren't right for me, anyway. Given the right circumstances, I would work things out with someone who cheated if I thought they were worth it.

 

[Domino]

I know an ENFJ who cheated on her two past boyfriends.

They're not all angels you know

Aw, c'mon! I dropped straight outta heaven and you know it!

I kid. I jest. *adjusts tarnished halo and rumpled wings* Good thing that old lady broke my fall!

 

[anii]

At first I was thinking... the NFs who've cheated (emotionally, physically, or otherwise) won't respond due to fear of getting strung up. So the replies will be skewed and not reflecting of reality.

Then I saw a couple brave souls share their painful revelations... I admire you for that.

Never say never people. You just can't know... you can think you know what you'd do... but never say never.

 

[Tigerlily]

At first I was thinking... the NFs who've cheated (emotionally, physically, or otherwise) won't respond due to fear of getting strung up. So the replies will be skewed and not reflecting of reality.

Then I saw a couple brave souls share their painful revelations... I admire you for that.

Never say never people. You just can't know... you can think you know what you'd do... but never say never.

Unless I am brain damaged or just plain out of my mind, I just won't do that to my Husband. Believe me I have had this conversation with many people over the years and I am one hard headed lady, like a rock! I've even had disputes about this very subject prior to even getting married when I worked in a hair salon and 10 years later with a Husband and three children I haven't faltered.

 

[alcea rosea]

NF's and cheating

I haven't and I won't.

 

[Lateralus]

Never say never people. You just can't know... you can think you know what you'd do... but never say never.

For me, it's still never.

If infidelity isn't against an NFs value system, I could see an NF cheating. Otherwise, it's entirely believable that they wouldn't. NFs generally take their values very seriously. I know there are certain lines I just can't cross and cheating is one of them.

 

[Domino]

I wouldn't. I couldn't. It would make me SICK. I mean, physically ILL.

I'm not saying that I haven't had my head turned by a taken man (I never know it until AFTER he's gotten my attention, so please don't anyone think I go after married/engaged guys...) but I could never "go there" with one. I feel bad enough making any sort of sustained eye contact with them, much less CHEAT.

 

[disregard]

I would never, ever cheat. I am straight-forward.. and cheating is passive-aggressive (for women.. at least). It is just so cowardly! If I was cheated on, the last thing I would do is do that whole sit down, justify what happened, confront him thing. I would call him, say it's over. Please don't try to convince me otherwise. Now, I am an open-minded person.. and I understand that I will probably be in a situation where I will want to cheat some day.. but I always consider the motives of others.. So this is the train of thought that would run through my head: What does some guy I'm about to sleep with have to offer me? What is he doing other than seducing another man's woman? He's a lowlife.. and then I couldn't possibly respect him anymore. Then, all chances of him getting with me are out the window. I have been on the other side of this ordeal.. I have been the girl approached by a very (unsingle) close friend of mine, and they attempted to persuade me of their love for me. Bah! I had none of that. Friendship over.

 

[Chiharu]

I see the potential in NFs in general, and particularly in myself. However, my father cheated on my mother (amid a slew of other offenses), broke up our family, basically disowned my brother, and I haven't seen or spoken to him in years. After seeing first hand what cheating can do, I would never do it. Not that I wouldn't be tempted, but I know I couldn't live with the backlash of guilt and self hatred. I don't see the point in cheating anyway. If the person you're with isn't enough to prevent you from seriously considering cheating, break up with them.

As to what I consider cheating... that's tougher. Some forms of emotional cheating are waaayy worse that actual, physical cheating. I'd rather my SO bed a slew of cheerleaders than spend a significant portion our relationship wishing they were with someone else.

 

[iwakar]

No, I have not. If I ever did, my partner's condemnation wouldn't even ripple the tidal wave of remorse and regret that I'd set upon myself.





(Wow! Talk about gravedigging. )