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  1. #41
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    I have.. I know quite a few other NFs who have too.. It's something I have discussed at length with many.. I know NF's who have also gotten with people who were already in relationships.

    Seems more common than this thread would suggest.

  2. #42
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    Never done it, but I have considered asking one of my partners for an open relationship. Being kind of new to relationships, I didn't realize that that was actually a sign that I was unhappy with the relationship

    I don't think cheating is as absolutely disgusting as some do, but there are consequences--passing STDs to your current partner through no real fault of their own, for example.

  3. #43
    Senior Member FakePlasticAlice's Avatar
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    *climbs up on high-horse*

    I HATE cheating. PERIOD. If you want to do naughty things to someone else.. then end your relationship and proceed. Why bring betrayal and dishonesty into it? Don't hurt someone else because you can't keep your pants on. If you are in a committed relationship (without a prearranged agreement that you can do such things) and you mess around with someone else.. in that moment..and until you come clean.. you ARE a piece of shit.

    When i was in grade 10, about 12 years ago, i cheated on my boyfriend. The guilt i felt was SO immense that i told him right away and broke up with him despite not wanting to and him wanting to work things out. I didn't deserve him anymore.. i ruined that. And i lived with that crap for a long time. Of course, in hindsight, i am glad it happened when i was so young and not serious. I learned my lesson.

    I know we all make mistakes..things happen and if someone wants to forgive someone for cheating that's their choice. I never would. I'd be much less likely to hate you for eternity if you came clean immediately (without coaxing from me), but i would still end the relationship. Once you start lying about it (and i WILL find out) you're going to witness my face peal off and see the demon underneath. She's not pretty and the venom she spews with burn into the very depths of your soul.

    Now cheating is bad enough, lying about it and even carrying it on continuously is absolutely wretched...but the thing that REALLY gets my blood boiling is when someone is being cheated on and everyone knows but doesn't say a thing. The poor person is oblivious while all their friends know the truth, but none have the guts to speak up. Instead they just whisper behind that person's back "poor thing". Unfortunately i've seen this quite a lot.. and it's lead to a lot of drama... but i just refuse to keep a cheater's secret (even if they are my friend)! I've had a lot of conflict in friendships because of this.. almost losing my very best friend over it even..but i'm not wavering. My friends know this by now, and have finally realized i won't bend my morals for them, - IF YOU CHEAT AND YOU WANT TO KEEP IT A SECRET DO NOT TELL ME. I'm GOING to open my big mouth if you do! Doesn't mean i don't love you as a friend, but what you did/are doing is wrong and i will not be a part of it and i will not let someone go on like a fool...because if that was me i would want someone to tell me.

    I must seem quite bitter.. like i've been cheated on so badly.. but in reality i haven't. One relationship i was in a few years ago was in the last phases of the relationship and he kissed another girl..took me about 15 minutes to get it out of him.. i TRIPPED BALLS and ended it.. and it was only a small kiss. That's the most that's been done to me. I wouldn't be in a serious relationship with someone i didn't trust. I'm quite glad that my SO now feels the same way about cheating, unfortunately he's been on the receiving end of it before.

    And i know there are extenuating circumstances, such as people trapped in relationships out of fear or whatever it be.. and when those circumstances come up i perhaps wouldn't judge quite so harshly. But i think there's always a better way. I remain true to my morals.. Cheating is wrong.

    sidenote: i know that my views are a little..extreme to some. but they are what they are and they are not up for debate.
    "You can't take a picture of this...it's already gone."

    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
    -Mark Twain

  4. #44
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    ^I think I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    I don't think cheating is as absolutely disgusting as some do, but there are consequences--passing STDs to your current partner through no real fault of their own, for example.
    The thought of that makes me feel faint. You just never really know what someone is up to/how could anyone do that to another person, etc.

    I'm a realist in that I can see how it can happen. But I think it's gravely wrong. End the relationship before you move onto the next one. I've broken up with a boyfriend before because I found out he was cheating on his longtime girlfriend by dating me. I would never do that to another woman, and women who knowingly do things like that rather disgust me. (Yes, the men doing it disgust me too).

  5. #45
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    People make mistakes.. errors of judgment and lack discipline. No one is perfect.. They Key is learning.. if you don't learn from your mistakes then they become sins.. If you use them as an opportunity to define who you are not.. they become lessons on how not to be.

    Why do we judge people by their mistakes instead of what they have accomplished??

  6. #46
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    I just think there is often a tipping point that's reached before cheating. People often get emotionally involved and kid themselves about it before they cheat. Hard to see that as a mistake if you are the person who has been cheated on.

    I do believe people can learn from their mistakes and I don't believe 'once unfaithful, always unfaithful'. It does speak to someone's relationship skills though, imo. I'd want to know why they did it and how they've changed before I got involved with someone who'd been unfaithful before.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    The thought of that makes me feel faint. You just never really know what someone is up to/how could anyone do that to another person, etc.
    Why'd I use that as an example? Because it happened to someone close to me.

    A husband of a friend of mine cheated on her and gave her.. ... well, something. It's supposed to go away in a year, but who knows. Once divorced, he started a relationship with the 'cheatee,' knocked her up, and proceeded to cheat on her, too.



    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    They Key is learning.. if you don't learn from your mistakes then they become sins..
    I agree.

    But we can't assume that people actually do learn, either--we can only hope that they do.

  8. #48
    Senior Member FakePlasticAlice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    I've broken up with a boyfriend before because I found out he was cheating on his longtime girlfriend by dating me. I would never do that to another woman, and women who knowingly do things like that rather disgust me. (Yes, the men doing it disgust me too).
    The woman doing it knowingly is no better. I'm sick of the argument "i'm doing the other woman a favor". It's just trying to justify shitty behaviour.


    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Why do we judge people by their mistakes instead of what they have accomplished??
    I judge their bad behaviour. If most of them is bad behaviour then i suppose i'm judging them too. I have a friend who has cheated many times and i really don't like that part of her.. she knows this full well. But, besides that.. there are a lot of great things about her.. just because she's cheated doesn't mean that i don't give her credit for all the wonderful parts of her that i love.

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    I do believe people can learn from their mistakes and I don't believe 'once unfaithful, always unfaithful'. It does speak to someone's relationship skills though, imo. I'd want to know why they did it and how they've changed before I got involved with someone who'd been unfaithful before.
    After my cheating experience i was labeled by my ex's sister as "once a cheater always a cheater". People can definitely grow. I'd also be wary of getting into a relationship with someone who has cheated before.. i'd really have to understand why they did it before and what has changed.
    "You can't take a picture of this...it's already gone."

    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
    -Mark Twain

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    I just think there is often a tipping point that's reached before cheating. People often get emotionally involved and kid themselves about it before they cheat. Hard to see that as a mistake if you are the person who has been cheated on.

    I do believe people can learn from their mistakes and I don't believe 'once unfaithful, always unfaithful'. It does speak to someone's relationship skills though, imo. I'd want to know why they did it and how they've changed before I got involved with someone who'd been unfaithful before.
    Would I go back and change things if I could?? I don't think I would... To do so would deny me being who I am today.. and this is who I am supposed to be.
    "Why".. still doesn't change anything.
    You are who you are now.. and that is who you are. It's all relative and can change with a simple change in circumstance.
    Morality is totally pending at all times. Behavior is not static.
    We all have a dark side.. to deny it is to be incomplete. I will never promise someone I wont falter or thatI will be perfect.
    I can only continue to be sorry for the past by doing whatever I can to make sure I do not repeat my mistakes in the present. Hopefully this makes for a better future.

  10. #50
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    I've never cheated but I don't think it's because I'm better or anything. It's just that I couldn't imagine being at a point in a relationship where I would want to cheat on my gf. If I notice the kind of dissatisfaction that would lead me to cheat, I'd end it.

    That being said, I've been the guy that a girl has cheated on her bf with. It ended before it got to sex, but it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life, and was the first thing I did that literally made me question whether I was a "good" person.

    And I've definitely cheated on tests in high school. Just not math/science classes (I'd help others cheat in those).

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