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  1. #1
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Default Losing my feelings I think...

    Seriously, when I am around other people Fe kicks in and I can reflect off of what other people are doing and feeling, but when I am alone, there is quite simply nothing there. I think I used to have much more intense feelings when I was just entering my 20s, but as I thought back to it, I am not sure how many of them were genuine other then a general disgust for people in general and a longing to connect to someone. Other then that there wasn't really any "feelings" that I could realistically call my own.

    I dont even feel those things any more though. Now its just like numbness like a robotic desire to accomplish things and do things, but nothing overtly emotional.

    I am connected to an ENFJ girl right now who is clearly falling in love with me, and I like her and all that but when she isnt around me I don't feel anything about her. That's just the catalyst that sparked this for me. Its not really a fear, but it seems like there should be something there and quite simply there isn't.

    I have been taking to drinking when I am alone and bored, not so much to escape, escape is easy enough for me... but in order to feel things. Unfortunately most of the things I end up "feeling" in this state are sadness and regrets, and guilt for not feeling things in general.

    Is it possible for NFs as they age to begin to lose heart?

    Ive noticed that I am also becoming exceedingly more logical and rigid in my J'ness, very disturbed by disorder and mess.

    I think at the core is my Ni, which has always remained resolute as my primary mode of "being" and I know I was always sort of detached, but I am not sure how much of the things I have felt in the past were genuine or just reflections of my over emotive friends and family. As far back as I can remember I was detached, but these days its 10X worse. I am really trying to connect to this girl, but it just seems like there is nothing there, nothing good, nothing bad, just pros and cons... and I don't want to hurt anybody, I have enough regrets and guilt over all that...

    I am having a very difficult time trying to explain this, I don't know if its normal or not, but I don't like that I reach into the pockets of my heart and I am only coming up with lint... its making it very hard for me to navigate through my life. Usually I base everything I do on an accord with my heart and what I believe are my feelings... of course that segues into my next issue

    My lack of internalized feelings have led me to be easily manipulated by my ESFJ and ESFP family members and an 8 year stint with an ISFJ girlfriend... Well manipulated is a strong word, what they do isn't subtle... its obvious to me, but I was ok with giving in and going along with it because I didn't want to disappoint them, this lead me to being extremely self sacrificing, and I gave up a lot of stuff for a lot of people. Long story short I have cut them all out of my life for the most part and I don't allow them to control me any more. This has been met with a LOT of anger, regardless I am not interested in going back to the way things were because quite frankly, I am getting older and I need to accomplish more for myself and less for others.

    This has given me loads of time to detox essentially from their feelings and controls they put into me for so many years, and what I am coming to realize is the stuff I was saying above, there isn't much of any native feeling there. Just a desire to not hurt people and not disappoint people, is this an INFJ thing?

    I am just trying to make some sense of all this. Comments are appreciated.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  2. #2
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    You can only feel love for those who treat you badly? Just throwing out a possiblity here.

  3. #3
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    You can only feel love for those who treat you badly? Just throwing out a possiblity here.
    No not at all, I love my mother for example and my grandmother and they have always been very good to me, even if they didn't understand me.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Fair enough. Maybe this woman just doesn't do it for you then, Billy. It happens.

  5. #5
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Fair enough. Maybe this women just doesn't do it for you then, Billy. It happens.
    Don't get hung up on just the girl, it isn't just the girl, its everything and everyone. I bring her up only because its one thing I can quantitatively discuss in terms of commonality with others. Other then a few key people (family really) I don't feel anything about anybody.

    From every friend, to every girlfriend, I am pretty numb and I get involved with people and I experience emotions, only they're usually not *MY* emotions. When I try to think of feelings that I had that came from an internal source, I cant pin point any, or at least I am having great trouble in trying to.

    Even when I lose people from my life, via my choice or theirs, its cold and precision. Like I have my hooks into them, they say they don't want me to be around them anymore, and I remove my hooks and move on, no problem, no heartache, no nothing. Just a "Oh, my bad, im outtie" kind of thing. If this is me suppressing painful emotions I am not doing it consciously, so I wouldn't know how to stop it... My fear is that in terms of INFJness, I am quite simply Ni/Fe and not much else.

    What kind of person would that make? A roving sense of intellect and intuition with no internal emotive core, that seeks out others with feeling cores and attaches to them so it can feed on them... like some kind of emotional vampire... thats a scary thought.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  6. #6
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    Don't get hung up on just the girl, it isn't just the girl, its everything and everyone. I bring her up only because its one thing I can quantitatively discuss in terms of commonality with others.
    Who'd have ever thought that an INFJ would stop feeling? Consider it a challenge to start feeling again.

  7. #7
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Who'd have ever thought that an INFJ would stop feeling? Consider it a challenge to start feeling again.
    This is exactly what I am trying to do. I really dont know how to make myself feel things though.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  8. #8
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    its cus ur getting used up.

    its not just girls who can get used up. guys can too (well, emotionally at least)

    in some ways i become an eggshell of what i used to be. and a lot of that has to do with giving the eggs and yolk away to past relationships.

    so yes, guys can get used up too. just like girls do.

  9. #9
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Billy View Post
    This is exactly what I am trying to do. I really dont know how to make myself feel things though.
    If you have a mother, grandmother, and girlfriend (am I allowed to call her that?) who is really nice to you, that's a good place to start. Start caring more about their happiness than your own.

    If you find that you just can't trust women anymore, then try it with men (no homo - joke) or animals or children or by helping strangers in some way. You have to restore your empathy. It's an exercise.

  10. #10
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    If you have a mother, grandmother, and girlfriend (am I allowed to call her that?) who is really nice to you, that's a good place to start. Start caring more about their happiness than your own.

    If you find that you just can't trust women anymore, then try it with men (no homo - joke) or animals or children or by helping strangers in some way. You have to restore your empathy. It's an exercise.
    I don't think you are getting it, empathy isn't my problem.
    Ground control to Major Tom

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