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  1. #1
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Default Emotional Detachment of a parent.

    I'm 17, and I'm getting out into the world. I spend a little less time at home each month. The demands of school, sports, music, a job, and friends, and I'm always busy. I've got one parent, and as I soar, he sinks.

    He's been really distant lately and I just brought it up, out anger more or less, and he told me straight up what he thought. He told me I was, in one way or another, already moving out, and that I'm already gone. He told me I don't care about what happens to the family, and that I'm only focusing on myself. And he surrendered and said he needs to just let go...and that broke my heart.

    So here I am, after walking silently up the stairs after our "talk", posting a very emotional thread on TypoCentral.

    Is it me? Am I being selfish? Should I focus less on the stuff I'm doing and drop back to support the emotional and physical needs of my family?

    I feel like he's emotionally detaching himself from me. We've always had the closest bond in the world, and I feel like apart of my soul is broken when I know I don't have his support anymore.

    edit:

    I know this sounds wicked corny to say, but I really kind of wish he would be proud of me. Proud of me that I do my homework every night, maintain good grades, have a passion for music, sports, and work a very demanding job. I feel like the only way he'd be truly happy was if I didn't to these things. But I love doing them, and I love my friends, and I love having freedom, and responsibility, but they don't seem to fit in the same box.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  2. #2
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    No, I don't think you're being selfish at all.

    I believe he's trying to come to terms with the fact that his son is almost a man. He probably realizes that he needs to let go so that you can grow and mature and be independent of him, but he doesn't know how. I don't think he's writing you off or anything (or maybe I misinterpreted the OP?), but he's basically trying to cope with your being an individual who will in a year be an adult and legally separate from him.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post
    No, I don't think you're being selfish at all.

    I believe he's trying to come to terms with the fact that his son is almost a man. He probably realizes that he needs to let go so that you can grow and mature and be independent of him, but he doesn't know how. I don't think he's writing you off or anything (or maybe I misinterpreted the OP?), but he's basically trying to cope with your being an individual who will in a year be an adult and legally separate from him.
    I don't see why it has to be so difficult. It tears me apart..we've always been brothers from the beginning. It's like letting apart of yourself die. I wouldn't like to think this is the end of our bond as father and son. But in reality, it is.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  4. #4
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Doesn't have anything to do with you being a normal teenager.

    It's about him redefining his identity, with you as a developing adult.

    Not at all about you as an individual. It's about him as a single parent. Take heart, Soul.

    Life is change. This too shall pass.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    What makes it hard is that he seems so distant and reserved from me. Just me..like he's trying to avoid me. I just know this is really bothering him, and I feel like he is putting it on my shoulders..like it's my fault and that it is a bad thing.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  6. #6
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    It's part of life.

    It's how he copes with existential anxiety. His role in life is shifting; he's going to need some time to put things back together.

    It might make things awkward for awhile. I promise you that his transition is impermanent. It's a big deal because he cares for you. If he didn't, you wouldn't notice.

    Be patient with him. Life can be confusing.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    That's what makes this so hard..he's just like me. He takes to the core, and it hurts for a while. I know it.

    I agree, Night.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  8. #8
    man-made neptunesnet's Avatar
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    Well, OneWithSoul, I don't think I'll be able to give any definite answers here because my mom and I are still trying to reconcile the differences we had with this same problem, but I'd say for now just give him time.

    I would make more of an effort if I were you to be with my family while keeping in mind that I can only spread myself so thin and that I still need to do what's best for me.



    If you don't mind my asking, what type is your dad?

    That may help in understanding how he thinks.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    That's what makes this so hard..he's just like me. He takes to the core, and it hurts for a while. I know it.

    I agree, Night.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  10. #10
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post
    Well, OneWithSoul, I don't think I'll be able to give any definite answers because my mom and I are still trying to reconcile the differences we had with this same problem, but I'd say for now just give him time.

    I would make more of an effort to be with your family, but remember that you can only spread yourself so thin.



    If you don't mind my asking, what type is your dad?

    That may help in understanding how he thinks.
    He's an INFP.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

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