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  1. #11
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    i prefer not to bring everything about myself to the table with people who won't really grasp my intensity or thoughts.
    The problem is that I can only be friends with people I can really relate to on a deeper level, and that is hardly ever the case.
    This...

    my main incentive isn't to 'burden' other people with myself
    ...and this.





    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    I know a whole lot of people... I am definitely extraverted.
    Same here. For instance I have 389 friends on Facebook. I relate to many people, have had times when ultra conservative people thought we were exactly the same because I talked to them about the side we had in common. (social chameleon. lol)

    Because I was homeschooled and currently dating someone, I don't have many local friends I hang out with. Harder to meet people once you're in the workforce, esp if you relate to men better than women. As far as close friends who I feel like understand me. Errrmm.... Maybe two or three who don't live anywhere near me and are currently in relationships so I hardly hear from them. But even then we only discuss certain aspects of intimate details, not the whole enchilada.

    It's soo hard to find anyone who understands the deep conversations and thoughts I have. /sigh. BF gets a bored look if I discuss economics, business, observing people and their feelings, or my NF dreaming. I've only met one person who ever understood my passion for business, technology, and music, but he turned out to be a jerk in communication.



    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    ENFJs ever want (or need) reassurance? Even more specifically open, spoken reassurance that I think they're pretty much bad ass and accept them for who they are? (spoken in our own quirky friendship way, of course)
    Of course. Getting that is an amazing feeling, and it's very nice of you to try to give this to your friend.
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Is he aware of your feelings?
    I'm sure he is.

    We hang out literally almost everyday working on projects, doing homework, studying, talking about ideas etc... But I have never just come out and said it word for word that I appreciate his friendship. It can be hard to formulate that in words.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Kungpowish's Avatar
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    I don't know if there's anyone who is completely past my guard. I would be crushed if I lost my girlfriend but even she tends to only see the sides of me I want her to see.

    As for just friends, I have yet to become so attached to one I couldn't leave them in an instant. I care about them and like them a lot, but when I had to move I didn't feel remorse or anything. It's odd that I never really thought about it quite this way. I always noticed that I am capable of ending friendships quickly and without second thoughts but it never really occurred to me that that might be because I am keeping people at a distance. It's very possible though.

    I'll tell anyone who will listen almost about private things that happened to me etc. but that doesn't mean I let all my barriers down. I've also described myself as a "social chameleon". I become a different person on the surface with different groups of people so they all like me and think I'm who they want.

    So short answer I guess I have yet to let anyone in completely. To do that I would need to feel they were capable of understanding me, and that they were very very committed to safeguarding my emotions. It would have to be someone who knows when to ask what's wrong and when not to look for the silver lining.
    -There is nothing either good nor ill but thinking makes it so.

  4. #14
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    And when not to give you completely irrelevant advice, or jump to conclusions.
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Kungpowish's Avatar
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    I cannot overstate how much I agree with that.
    -There is nothing either good nor ill but thinking makes it so.

  6. #16
    Junior Member Willywallywoo's Avatar
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    I'm not sure.
    How to define true friendships, or real openess?
    I see myself as rather open, as a direct result of getting older, wiser and pure necessity. However, what I've seen as common sense is that I choose the right situation, right time, right person to share something with. Often my sharing is a wanting for that person to learn something as I got a lot of life experience. However it's rare or non existant rather, that I ever rant, rage, show anger and childishness- even though I have that in me too ofcourse when life doesnt go my way. Even towards those who I see who is absolutely closest to me pr today. I avoid being unpleasant at every cost on a general basis.
    My problem is that the two people who actually were that close to me to see all my sides and beyond my guard died, I do not know if I will have such a relation to anyone ever again. And I don't think anyone around me will fully comprehend what a huge loss that is to me to not have anyone to feel safe with and unconditionally loved.

    Anyway, I have a ton of GOOD friends, and perhaps..four.. five I see as close friends. These are people who has gotten a lot further in seeing me, and we can relate to eachother.
    The problem with me, being crucially honest since I'm anonymonous behind a screenname (:P), I am usually very appriecated by people, and I notice this fairly well that everyone likes me a lot. People usually -get something- from me talking, I have a lot of stories and a lot of life experience which people seem to enjoy. So I usually mistake them for being superclose with me, since I share things with them. But it boils down to that everything i choose to say to a specific person has a sense of value to that specific person (I'd choose a topic they are passionate about, or struggle with themselves- thus a connection is made).

    I meet one guy last summer, a completely random encounter, who I actually somewhat felt I could let my guard down with and he let down his, for one night. It was beautiful, and made a huge impression on me and taught me a lot. One was to try to learn to stand on your own, and be proud of who you are and not compare yourself with others. Very valuable to a person such as me. I grew a lot in those few hours alone.

  7. #17
    Glycerine
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    I talk a lot and appear to be very "open" but then in the end people don't really see my private side. I talk hours and hours bouncing ideas off of others but I almost always forget to say much about my family (unless the other person asks).

  8. #18
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malkavia View Post
    Well I'm ENFP and we definitely are able to handle each other's intensity.

    That's a lot of great advice, just accepting ENFJs for who they are.

    It is going to be different because I'm male, and my friend is male, but do ENFJs ever want (or need) reassurance? Even more specifically open, spoken reassurance that I think they're pretty much bad ass and accept them for who they are? (spoken in our own quirky friendship way, of course)
    I think they do. I use my ENFJ man as the example but I think his way is common for ENFJ's. He is very confident in areas like his work or our relationship but in other areas he needs occasional reassurance. That "you're doing a great job and and I appreciate it very much" sort of reassurance. Or being there for them, as in present at the things they are involved in, this is especially important. I think when you tell an ENFJ that you care, it can't be empty words. Some might find this exhausting but I know my ENFJ would be there in the exact same way for me.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Malkavia's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the help guys, I've learned a lot.

    I guess my original reason for finding this out was because I noticed he doesnt have 1 person to talk those deeper things to. He doesnt even open up to his twin, which in my opinion can be unhealthy. I just dont want him bottling things up if its going to hurt him later.

  10. #20
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    ^ But does he at least seem to open up different facets to different people? That seems to be a reoccuring theme, while we may not be entirely open to any one person, we at least vent different areas to the people who understand them.
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

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