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  1. #1
    Junior Member Idiosyncrazy's Avatar
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    Default Does anybody know how an INFJ might deal with death?

    ..........

  2. #2
    Senior Member tibby's Avatar
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    I think it's very personal to every individual. I can't imagine how type would... I'm sorry, I don't really have anything.

    Why do you ask? :/

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    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Is it the death of a loved one? Or the fact that you yourself will die eventually? Or just the idea of death itself?


    As a christian, I view death as an escape from having to fight to stay morally up-and-up. Now the DYING part I'm not so sure of. I just want it to happen before I know it is happening.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  4. #4
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    The idea of dying or the idea of being left behind, to grieve?

  5. #5
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Idiosyncrazy View Post
    ..........
    An INFJ dying or an INFJ mourning someone's passing?

    Well... I'd say that INFJs probably have the "mourning" part covered. What the INFJ needs to do is focusing on other things and not getting stuck in mourning forever.

    Go do things that you enjoy. Listen to happy music. Receive and give as much love as you are in a position to reciprocate/give.
    Eat good food. Have a few beers or wine every now and then, nothing excessive.
    Talk about it instead of resorting to some mental cave.
    Watch survivor-type movies. Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later etc. (This last one might just be my own strangeness...)

    If you're in a position where you're able to take a vacation and go somewhere nice and sunny, do so. Travelling is a really nice endorphine source.

    Give yourself some time to really mourn and miss the person, but make it a thing that takes up a couple of hours a day instead of 24 hours a day.

    And, last but not least... You are still alive. That's what truly matters the most. In a world where religion is pretty much in doubt whether it's not just a big lie in order to control people, yourself is what matters. You might just have this one shot at life, and when it's done there is the hardly imaginable oblivion.
    That wasn't aimed at making you feel like crap. Just don't take stuff for granted.
    Live life.

    I recommend a glass or two of red wine and some good Entrecôte.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  6. #6
    Junior Member Idiosyncrazy's Avatar
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    Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Every person is different. However, I've seen female INFJs (and even female ISFJs) go into lockdown mode ... they just go into full-time Fe mode in terms of the social requirements of dealing with a person's death, and shut off the underlying tumultuous emotional agony (i.e., feeling the death) so that they can get done everything that needs to get done.

    They take care of others, handle all the proceedings, etc., if they are involved; or if not required to handle the practical ramifications of the death (because it is someone else's job) then they might immerse themselves in other current practical tasks in order to not deal with the loss because it hurts too badly.

    Both have a caretaker mentality and find it an easier path (I think) to focus on the feelings and needs of others rather than allowing themselves room to grieve, and because of the introversion they don't much like to grieve publicly (in order to protect themselves and also to avoid putting obligations on others to take care of them), and if they don't get quiet space to grieve alone, they might never deal with it for quite awhile, depending.

    EDIT: For a female INFJ to lose her mom, I can imagine it would be very hard if they had any sort of relationship. I would expect her to take charge and oversee all the details and make sure everyone else was accounted for and cared for, all the tasks assigned/done, etc., the details of the funeral were done. Afterward, when everyone else seemed to be okay, I'd expect her to disappear and grieve in private and not really talk to anyone about it, unless she had some really really good close relationships. Meanwhile, on the surface, she would try hard to make everything look like it was going okay.

    That's my general guess. Everyone is different. If they're normally protective of feelings anyway, it could almost come across that she doesn't care depending on how tight a rein she has on herself... but that isn't true, it probably could be a pretty deep loss. I'm seen one or two who just totally detach and come across as even mean about it in their feigned indifference, but underneath you can tell it's a coping mech.

    Just ideas to explore.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
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    This is one of those rare areas where all types behave identically:


    What Happens to the Body After Death | Crime Scene Cleanup Blog

    the first thing that happens when a body dies is the heart stops beating and the body temperature begins to drop. After the heart stops beating, blood is no longer pumped through the body. The capillaries begin to drain from the upper parts of the body and settle in the lower portions of the body. Thus, if a body is lying on a bed, the front of the body will be pale while the back portion will turn a dark red color. What happens to the body after death? In a living being, cells function both aerobically and anaerobically. Upon death the cells of the body cease aerobic respiration, or the function that allows them to work with oxygen. The cells now only function anaerobically, meaning they are only functioning without oxygen. This is the catalyst for rigor mortis. When muscles cells have no choice but to work anaerobically, they produce lactic acid. This lactic acid and myosin fuse together to form a gel, which is responsible for the stiffness found with rigor mortis. Depending on several variables, such as the weather and body activity before death, rigor mortis will set in between fifteen minutes and several hours. The maximum stiffening of the body will generally occur within 12 – 24 hours. The facial muscles are affected first, with other parts of the body soon to follow. As cells eventually die, the body loses it’s ability to fight off bacteria. This begins the process of decomposition. Internal organisms become very active and begin to attack the digestive system. Gases are created and the intestines explode. This leads to the relentless attack of other systems in the body, which will decompose at different times after death.

    The five stages of decomposition are:

    * Initial Decay – body appears to be fresh externally, however internally the decomposition has already begun
    * Putrefaction – body swollen from internal gases, smell of decaying flesh, change in body color
    * Black Putrefaction – body cavity ruptures. Flesh begins to turn black with a creamy consistency. Odor of decaying flesh very strong
    * Butyric Fermentation – body begins to dry out. A cheesy odor develops and mold becomes present
    * Dry Decay – body is nearly dry and the rate of decay slows

    The rate and manner of decomposition is strongly affected by a number of factors. In roughly descending degrees of importance, they are:

    * Temperature
    * The availability of oxygen
    * Prior embalming
    * Cause of death
    * Burial, and depth of burial
    * Access by scavengers
    * Trauma, including wounds and crushing blows
    * Humidity, or wetness
    * Rainfall
    * Body size and weight
    * Clothing
    * The surface on which the body rests
    * Foods/objects inside the specimen’s digestive tract (bacon compared to lettuce)

    What happens to the body after death is a complex process, which almost rivals the complex process of life. Crime Scene Cleaners are often called upon to clean up the remains of decomposed bodies at different levels in the decomposition process. Sometimes the cleanup is confined to a bed, mattress and box spring. Other times the decomposition has affected the sub-floor and surrounding drywall. In extreme cases, the gelled remains will penetrate the floor and ceiling of a lower room or basement, dripping on to the floor beneath. Regardless of the severity of the decomposition, understanding the process of decomposition will help you to determine beforehand what type of a cleanup job you’re about to undertake.



  9. #9
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Idiosyncrazy View Post
    Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.

    My INFP father died three years ago. We were good friends as well as having a healthy and casual father-daughter relationship, sharing a lot of cultural experiences together.
    I was home the day he died suddenly of a heart attack on a cold january afternoon. He came downstairs to me and my mom, probably feeling that it was his last moments, complaining of a pain in his back. When he turned grey, my mother yelled out to call an ambulance, which I did. The lady on the phone told me how to do the mouth-to-mouth thing, and I did that, but there was no result.

    My mom went away with the ambulance when it arrived, but I told her I would stay home and wait for my uncle and aunt who were coming. I had been with dad in his last breath and strange, startled last look (like he saw an angel or something), and I went upstairs to pray. I had a conviction he was gone. I decided to let God have his way and said: "Lord, your will be done." My father had effectively died, and I found out a few moments later at the hospital.
    I felt a strange anguish at my waking on the first morning after his death. I am a church musician, and had to go play that sunday morning. I got up, went to church, and kept quiet about the whole thing. When the church people found out afterwards, they couldn't believe how stoic I had been about it, and I have to admit I was very stoic all the way. I wept from time to time during the following weeks, but I had made my mourning on the very first day, alone with God in prayer upstairs.

    A few months later, I went through an awful two-weeks long depression, but in my perspective, it had absolutely nothing to do with my father's death, something very unrelated had triggered it.

    I feel at peace about his death, since we had such a good relationship. I don't have any regrets about it, I feel that everything I had to learn from him I have learned, and as a Christian I believe he is in heaven and is much happier than all of us mortals.

    New responsibilities to care for my mom and myself came with this loss, but I took to them cold-blooded and proceeded to do what I had to do.

  10. #10
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    [youtube="WeIu4ErqLKA"]Song of Farewell[/youtube]

    Come to his aid, O Saints of God
    Come meet him, angels of the Lord.
    Receive his soul, O holy ones
    Present him now to God Most High.

    May Christ who called you take you home
    and angels lead you to Abraham.
    Receive his soul, O holy ones
    Present him now to God Most High.

    Give him eternal rest, O Lord
    May light unending shine on him.
    Receive his soul, O holy ones
    Present him now to God Most High.

    I know that my Redeemer lives
    The last day I shall rise again.
    Receive his soul, O holy ones
    Present him now to God Most High.

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