• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] Does anybody know how an INFJ might deal with death?

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
I think it's very personal to every individual. I can't imagine how type would... I'm sorry, I don't really have anything.

Why do you ask? :/
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
9w1
Is it the death of a loved one? Or the fact that you yourself will die eventually? Or just the idea of death itself?


As a christian, I view death as an escape from having to fight to stay morally up-and-up. Now the DYING part I'm not so sure of. I just want it to happen before I know it is happening.
 

WoodsWoman

New member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
778
MBTI Type
INFP
The idea of dying or the idea of being left behind, to grieve?
:hug:
 

Valiant

Courage is immortality
Joined
Jul 7, 2007
Messages
3,895
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
..........

An INFJ dying or an INFJ mourning someone's passing?

Well... I'd say that INFJs probably have the "mourning" part covered. What the INFJ needs to do is focusing on other things and not getting stuck in mourning forever.

Go do things that you enjoy. Listen to happy music. Receive and give as much love as you are in a position to reciprocate/give.
Eat good food. Have a few beers or wine every now and then, nothing excessive.
Talk about it instead of resorting to some mental cave.
Watch survivor-type movies. Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later etc. (This last one might just be my own strangeness...)

If you're in a position where you're able to take a vacation and go somewhere nice and sunny, do so. Travelling is a really nice endorphine source.

Give yourself some time to really mourn and miss the person, but make it a thing that takes up a couple of hours a day instead of 24 hours a day.

And, last but not least... You are still alive. That's what truly matters the most. In a world where religion is pretty much in doubt whether it's not just a big lie in order to control people, yourself is what matters. You might just have this one shot at life, and when it's done there is the hardly imaginable oblivion.
That wasn't aimed at making you feel like crap. Just don't take stuff for granted.
Live life.

I recommend a glass or two of red wine and some good Entrecôte.
 

Idiosyncrazy

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFJ
Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Every person is different. However, I've seen female INFJs (and even female ISFJs) go into lockdown mode ... they just go into full-time Fe mode in terms of the social requirements of dealing with a person's death, and shut off the underlying tumultuous emotional agony (i.e., feeling the death) so that they can get done everything that needs to get done.

They take care of others, handle all the proceedings, etc., if they are involved; or if not required to handle the practical ramifications of the death (because it is someone else's job) then they might immerse themselves in other current practical tasks in order to not deal with the loss because it hurts too badly.

Both have a caretaker mentality and find it an easier path (I think) to focus on the feelings and needs of others rather than allowing themselves room to grieve, and because of the introversion they don't much like to grieve publicly (in order to protect themselves and also to avoid putting obligations on others to take care of them), and if they don't get quiet space to grieve alone, they might never deal with it for quite awhile, depending.

EDIT: For a female INFJ to lose her mom, I can imagine it would be very hard if they had any sort of relationship. I would expect her to take charge and oversee all the details and make sure everyone else was accounted for and cared for, all the tasks assigned/done, etc., the details of the funeral were done. Afterward, when everyone else seemed to be okay, I'd expect her to disappear and grieve in private and not really talk to anyone about it, unless she had some really really good close relationships. Meanwhile, on the surface, she would try hard to make everything look like it was going okay.

That's my general guess. Everyone is different. If they're normally protective of feelings anyway, it could almost come across that she doesn't care depending on how tight a rein she has on herself... but that isn't true, it probably could be a pretty deep loss. I'm seen one or two who just totally detach and come across as even mean about it in their feigned indifference, but underneath you can tell it's a coping mech.

Just ideas to explore.
 

Fecal McAngry

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
976
This is one of those rare areas where all types behave identically:


What Happens to the Body After Death | Crime Scene Cleanup Blog

the first thing that happens when a body dies is the heart stops beating and the body temperature begins to drop. After the heart stops beating, blood is no longer pumped through the body. The capillaries begin to drain from the upper parts of the body and settle in the lower portions of the body. Thus, if a body is lying on a bed, the front of the body will be pale while the back portion will turn a dark red color. What happens to the body after death? In a living being, cells function both aerobically and anaerobically. Upon death the cells of the body cease aerobic respiration, or the function that allows them to work with oxygen. The cells now only function anaerobically, meaning they are only functioning without oxygen. This is the catalyst for rigor mortis. When muscles cells have no choice but to work anaerobically, they produce lactic acid. This lactic acid and myosin fuse together to form a gel, which is responsible for the stiffness found with rigor mortis. Depending on several variables, such as the weather and body activity before death, rigor mortis will set in between fifteen minutes and several hours. The maximum stiffening of the body will generally occur within 12 – 24 hours. The facial muscles are affected first, with other parts of the body soon to follow. As cells eventually die, the body loses it’s ability to fight off bacteria. This begins the process of decomposition. Internal organisms become very active and begin to attack the digestive system. Gases are created and the intestines explode. This leads to the relentless attack of other systems in the body, which will decompose at different times after death.

The five stages of decomposition are:

* Initial Decay – body appears to be fresh externally, however internally the decomposition has already begun
* Putrefaction – body swollen from internal gases, smell of decaying flesh, change in body color
* Black Putrefaction – body cavity ruptures. Flesh begins to turn black with a creamy consistency. Odor of decaying flesh very strong
* Butyric Fermentation – body begins to dry out. A cheesy odor develops and mold becomes present
* Dry Decay – body is nearly dry and the rate of decay slows

The rate and manner of decomposition is strongly affected by a number of factors. In roughly descending degrees of importance, they are:

* Temperature
* The availability of oxygen
* Prior embalming
* Cause of death
* Burial, and depth of burial
* Access by scavengers
* Trauma, including wounds and crushing blows
* Humidity, or wetness
* Rainfall
* Body size and weight
* Clothing
* The surface on which the body rests
* Foods/objects inside the specimen’s digestive tract (bacon compared to lettuce)

What happens to the body after death is a complex process, which almost rivals the complex process of life. Crime Scene Cleaners are often called upon to clean up the remains of decomposed bodies at different levels in the decomposition process. Sometimes the cleanup is confined to a bed, mattress and box spring. Other times the decomposition has affected the sub-floor and surrounding drywall. In extreme cases, the gelled remains will penetrate the floor and ceiling of a lower room or basement, dripping on to the floor beneath. Regardless of the severity of the decomposition, understanding the process of decomposition will help you to determine beforehand what type of a cleanup job you’re about to undertake.


 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.


My INFP father died three years ago. We were good friends as well as having a healthy and casual father-daughter relationship, sharing a lot of cultural experiences together.
I was home the day he died suddenly of a heart attack on a cold january afternoon. He came downstairs to me and my mom, probably feeling that it was his last moments, complaining of a pain in his back. When he turned grey, my mother yelled out to call an ambulance, which I did. The lady on the phone told me how to do the mouth-to-mouth thing, and I did that, but there was no result.

My mom went away with the ambulance when it arrived, but I told her I would stay home and wait for my uncle and aunt who were coming. I had been with dad in his last breath and strange, startled last look (like he saw an angel or something), and I went upstairs to pray. I had a conviction he was gone. I decided to let God have his way and said: "Lord, your will be done." My father had effectively died, and I found out a few moments later at the hospital.
I felt a strange anguish at my waking on the first morning after his death. I am a church musician, and had to go play that sunday morning. I got up, went to church, and kept quiet about the whole thing. When the church people found out afterwards, they couldn't believe how stoic I had been about it, and I have to admit I was very stoic all the way. I wept from time to time during the following weeks, but I had made my mourning on the very first day, alone with God in prayer upstairs.

A few months later, I went through an awful two-weeks long depression, but in my perspective, it had absolutely nothing to do with my father's death, something very unrelated had triggered it.

I feel at peace about his death, since we had such a good relationship. I don't have any regrets about it, I feel that everything I had to learn from him I have learned, and as a Christian I believe he is in heaven and is much happier than all of us mortals.

New responsibilities to care for my mom and myself came with this loss, but I took to them cold-blooded and proceeded to do what I had to do.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
[youtube="WeIu4ErqLKA"]Song of Farewell[/youtube]

Come to his aid, O Saints of God
Come meet him, angels of the Lord.
Receive his soul, O holy ones
Present him now to God Most High.

May Christ who called you take you home
and angels lead you to Abraham.
Receive his soul, O holy ones
Present him now to God Most High.

Give him eternal rest, O Lord
May light unending shine on him.
Receive his soul, O holy ones
Present him now to God Most High.

I know that my Redeemer lives
The last day I shall rise again.
Receive his soul, O holy ones
Present him now to God Most High.
 

HollyGolightly

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
293
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I haven't experienced the death of a close person, but residents at the care home I work at pass away. So far I seem to have accepted it as a part of life and as messed up as this sounds I'm glad they are dead so they no longer have to endure a life in a residential home where actual care doesn't even exist, they are regularly forgotten/overlooked, disempowered, just seen as things that need to be got up, fed, toiletted, put to bed and they are just going to spend their days deteriorating more and more. I feel upset and I do cry because I love them, but I just feel this was a horrible life for them and most of them want to die. We have a 103 year old lady who is distressed because "God is making me wait. I want to go now." :cry:

Not sure how I would react if a relative died or something. I worry about my family dying sometimes. I worry about my cats dying as well because they're not exactly young anymore. The thought of never seeing people I love again really bothers me.
 

bohemian

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2014
Messages
13
MBTI Type
?
Enneagram
4?
Lately to be honest, I handle it strangely..... I do not outwardly get emotional, but inside I would hold a feling of 'did this really happen?..' and even after knowing, it hurts yet its dificult to express it. If a close family member I knew quite perished I know that I may not handle it... I would ponder though, what would have happened if the individual lived or what could have led to the event. Its almost like reminising over a tatoo, the reason why you got it and the thought of what would have happened if you never recieved it
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.

When I was fifteen my brother was killed in a drowning accident. I couldn't feel at all. I took care of my siblings, was a rock of stability for my parents, but inside I wondered what was wrong with me. I remember going into the bathroom at the memorial service and trying to make myself cry, but I couldn't.

Two years later my mom died. I was much like [MENTION=7]Jennifer[/MENTION]described. In both instances, everybody around me grieved openly and freely. I hugged others, held them while they cried and mourned, felt compassion for them, but I was just numb inside when it came to me. On the outside I was calm and logical and dependable, able to make decisions, etc., but inside I couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop analyzing.

As time went by I would smell a flower that reminded me of my mom or hear a song my brother had liked. I would find a private place and weep because I missed them so much. I would dream of them at night then quietly go get in the shower and turn on the water so nobody could hear me cry. And sometimes I would talk to them and tell them that I missed them.
 

Ene

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2012
Messages
3,574
MBTI Type
iNfj
Enneagram
5w4
Obi Wan is awesome.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I cry and sleep as much as I can and otherwise try to do everything I can not to think about it because if I don't think about it, it feels like I might survive it. Eventually, the pain becomes less intense and when random things remind me of the loss, I am still terribly sad, but not incapacitated. And still later, I become able to enjoy the memories without pain most of the time.

So far I have hated death. I would kill it if I could.
 

statuesquechica

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
428
MBTI Type
INFj
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
[MENTION=16382]Ene[/MENTION] thanks for sharing something so personal and painful.

My mom died when I had just turned 14 after a long, painful battle with cancer. I can recall making deals with God that he take her pain away and I would do anything to make her suffering stop. Needless to say it was very traumatic and I think was the major foundation of who I am today. For some reason I took it upon myself to do the cooking and cleaning and help watch my little sister who just turned five because my dad was so devastated and physically effected by her death. I cried in private because I didn't want to hurt others and didn't want them to see my grief. I can remember walking in the field by our house and crying because I didn't want anyone to hear. I would also cry in the shower for the same reason.

At the funeral I broke down because I had nowhere to hide my grief...my brother (who is INTP, I believe) was "concerned" about how my crying was effecting my dad so I obviously tried to hide it more after that. I know he was saying this out of kindness.

The experience is unique to every person...and I think the stages of grief differ for each person and can even be cyclical...I kind of feel like the process is neverending because that person is with you always, through painful and happy memories.
 

BlackDog

New member
Joined
Sep 6, 2013
Messages
569
MBTI Type
NiTe
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
This has happened to me twice.

Both times, I had a moment where I realized that the person was going to die. It hadn't happened yet, but it had reached a point where it was a matter of time. I just kind of slowed down, and thought about it, and thought about what I would do when it happened. I thought that I would keep on trying to do what I had done before. Just try to help with what needed to be done.

When the events occurred, I did kind of go down into the lock down mode that an earlier poster described. I didn't feel anything; it was hard to believe it was real. So I just did what I could for people. After the fact, I realized that I had missed doing stuff that I wished in retrospect to do, but didn't because my emotions were on hold until at least a couple months afterward. I wish it hadn't happened this way. I don't want to react that way again. It wasn't really useful to anybody necessarily, and I think it's a form of denial. Or maybe it's just how some people operate. I don't know.
 
Top