I haven't experienced the death of a close person, but residents at the care home I work at pass away. So far I seem to have accepted it as a part of life and as messed up as this sounds I'm glad they are dead so they no longer have to endure a life in a residential home where actual care doesn't even exist, they are regularly forgotten/overlooked, disempowered, just seen as things that need to be got up, fed, toiletted, put to bed and they are just going to spend their days deteriorating more and more. I feel upset and I do cry because I love them, but I just feel this was a horrible life for them and most of them want to die. We have a 103 year old lady who is distressed because "God is making me wait. I want to go now."
Not sure how I would react if a relative died or something. I worry about my family dying sometimes. I worry about my cats dying as well because they're not exactly young anymore. The thought of never seeing people I love again really bothers me.