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  1. #11
    Senior Member HollyGolightly's Avatar
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    I haven't experienced the death of a close person, but residents at the care home I work at pass away. So far I seem to have accepted it as a part of life and as messed up as this sounds I'm glad they are dead so they no longer have to endure a life in a residential home where actual care doesn't even exist, they are regularly forgotten/overlooked, disempowered, just seen as things that need to be got up, fed, toiletted, put to bed and they are just going to spend their days deteriorating more and more. I feel upset and I do cry because I love them, but I just feel this was a horrible life for them and most of them want to die. We have a 103 year old lady who is distressed because "God is making me wait. I want to go now."

    Not sure how I would react if a relative died or something. I worry about my family dying sometimes. I worry about my cats dying as well because they're not exactly young anymore. The thought of never seeing people I love again really bothers me.
    "Dad I can't feel my legs."

    "That's because you don't have any arms."

  2. #12
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    Lately to be honest, I handle it strangely..... I do not outwardly get emotional, but inside I would hold a feling of 'did this really happen?..' and even after knowing, it hurts yet its dificult to express it. If a close family member I knew quite perished I know that I may not handle it... I would ponder though, what would have happened if the individual lived or what could have led to the event. Its almost like reminising over a tatoo, the reason why you got it and the thought of what would have happened if you never recieved it

  3. #13
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Idiosyncrazy View Post
    Sorry guys, let me be a bit more specific. It is the death of a loved one , someone very close to the infj like for example their mom. I just wondered if maybe type would somehow play a role in the greiving process.
    When I was fifteen my brother was killed in a drowning accident. I couldn't feel at all. I took care of my siblings, was a rock of stability for my parents, but inside I wondered what was wrong with me. I remember going into the bathroom at the memorial service and trying to make myself cry, but I couldn't.

    Two years later my mom died. I was much like @Jenniferdescribed. In both instances, everybody around me grieved openly and freely. I hugged others, held them while they cried and mourned, felt compassion for them, but I was just numb inside when it came to me. On the outside I was calm and logical and dependable, able to make decisions, etc., but inside I couldn't stop thinking, couldn't stop analyzing.

    As time went by I would smell a flower that reminded me of my mom or hear a song my brother had liked. I would find a private place and weep because I missed them so much. I would dream of them at night then quietly go get in the shower and turn on the water so nobody could hear me cry. And sometimes I would talk to them and tell them that I missed them.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  4. #14
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  5. #15
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    Obi Wan is awesome.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  6. #16
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I cry and sleep as much as I can and otherwise try to do everything I can not to think about it because if I don't think about it, it feels like I might survive it. Eventually, the pain becomes less intense and when random things remind me of the loss, I am still terribly sad, but not incapacitated. And still later, I become able to enjoy the memories without pain most of the time.

    So far I have hated death. I would kill it if I could.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #17
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    @Ene thanks for sharing something so personal and painful.

    My mom died when I had just turned 14 after a long, painful battle with cancer. I can recall making deals with God that he take her pain away and I would do anything to make her suffering stop. Needless to say it was very traumatic and I think was the major foundation of who I am today. For some reason I took it upon myself to do the cooking and cleaning and help watch my little sister who just turned five because my dad was so devastated and physically effected by her death. I cried in private because I didn't want to hurt others and didn't want them to see my grief. I can remember walking in the field by our house and crying because I didn't want anyone to hear. I would also cry in the shower for the same reason.

    At the funeral I broke down because I had nowhere to hide my grief...my brother (who is INTP, I believe) was "concerned" about how my crying was effecting my dad so I obviously tried to hide it more after that. I know he was saying this out of kindness.

    The experience is unique to every person...and I think the stages of grief differ for each person and can even be cyclical...I kind of feel like the process is neverending because that person is with you always, through painful and happy memories.
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

  8. #18
    Senior Member BlackDog's Avatar
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    This has happened to me twice.

    Both times, I had a moment where I realized that the person was going to die. It hadn't happened yet, but it had reached a point where it was a matter of time. I just kind of slowed down, and thought about it, and thought about what I would do when it happened. I thought that I would keep on trying to do what I had done before. Just try to help with what needed to be done.

    When the events occurred, I did kind of go down into the lock down mode that an earlier poster described. I didn't feel anything; it was hard to believe it was real. So I just did what I could for people. After the fact, I realized that I had missed doing stuff that I wished in retrospect to do, but didn't because my emotions were on hold until at least a couple months afterward. I wish it hadn't happened this way. I don't want to react that way again. It wasn't really useful to anybody necessarily, and I think it's a form of denial. Or maybe it's just how some people operate. I don't know.

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