he said it was because he can actually tolerate being around me enough that he doesn't have to be drunk. Which was a nice snappy response that was flattering, but is that the truth? In a way, I see it as that he feels uncomfortable showing that side of him to me, but he doesn't mind being drunk and silly around his friends?
This makes sense to me, I will get far more drunk when I am alone then when I am with my girl, its not that we are hiding anything or whatever, its just that when we are with you, we like to give you our focus and our attention and being too drunk will hinder that process. Getting wasted with his buddies is a different thing all together, he probably doesn't have a capacity of love for his buddies like he would for his woman. So he can get wasted and ignore them or act a fool. With you he probably wants to be clear and able to express himself appropriately. I think you are just way over thinking this. Introverts need time alone to recharge and process everything, don't feel offended by this, instead see it as a positive, take that time to go out with your girlfriends and maintain your own social life. When you get together the day after you will have much more to talk about.
I feel smothered by being overly together, too. Being together too much starts fights. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The realistic part of a long-term relationship cannot remain as intense as the initial courting phase. I would be honestly frightened to be with someone who couldn't be away from me.
Bingo, if I spend too much time with someone I feel like I begin to lose my identity to them. Sometimes I need to pull back and be myself a bit on my own, so I can figure out things, sort of like getting out of the forest so you can see the trees. If someone needed to be with me every day It would set off major alarms and make me feel smothered.
Thank you all for your replies. I think in the end, it really just comes down to my insecurity. I have had a lot of unhealthy relationships in the past where I felt neglected, unappreciated, and uninspired, and ultimately knew it was going down the poop hole. I knew deep down (in those relationships) that it just wasn't going to work and I should move on, but part of me wants to believe it could change... it could become better. Better than it ever could be. And I want to keep trying.. if they are worthy.
I should be happy though, this current guy has addressed everything that upsets me and tries to talk to me about it, reassures me that nothing that happened in my past relationships is occurring now, and that it would take a lot more than me silly insecurities to scare him away. He assured me that I feel feel more secure and the longer I am with him. When I told him how upset I was about what he told me, he said to me that if I wasn't comfortable enough spending time away from him, he would wait until I was.
However, he's only being nice to me because his previous girlfriends were crazy, raging, bitches who he never really had a good conversation with. And he also said to me "You're the first girlfriend I had that I can pick up. Thats a compliment." I feel in a way, he's just like me. We've been so damaged by our past relationships that we both try extra hard because we know the other person is trying too.
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