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Thread: INFJ attraction

  1. #31
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kccrush View Post
    I definitely want the "girl next door" - she should be less quirky, less emotional than me, but still have some of that so that we can connect. I like stronger personalities to offset when I'm feeling like disappearing. I want her to complement me. The idea of dating someone just like me gives me the creeps. In fact, I have a date tonight with a girl who I met once before. We spent six hours together on our first date, but then I started to think about how I feel, and she's just two levels too deep. In other words, we connected too much, had too much intimacy from the very beginning. That is too overwhelming to me, and I'd prefer to know I had that in a friend, rather than a lover, gf, partner, etc. I want my partner to be less of me...but still more than me. Hard to find, that's fo'shure

    Wow. I love the intemacy and deepness with a romantic partner. I can't imagine being interested long term in someone that I only knew on a shallow level.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Tikka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    Knowing some ENFJ's, I can say that they may appear to be manipulative, but at their core they really really want to help people. I think the reason they may be perceived as manipulative is just because they have such good people skills that people find themselves putty in the ENFJ's hands.
    The really really want to help people in a way that they seem fit. Some people may not agree with their method or views and therefore find them manipulative.

    Although MBTI doesn't cover for that, I agree that most ENFJs do mean it well from inside.

  3. #33
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    cadesco:
    Interesting! I'm the opposite; I attribute the deep connection I have with my INFJ friends to the fact that we process things similarly and think so much alike, and the very Ni-based conversations we can have. But maybe I've gotten better over the years at trusting/taking risks, and connecting deeply, relatively quickly...
    I'm with you on this one! So many of my close female friends have taken an MBTI and tested INFJ. I also have lots of INTJs in my life.

    Prime:
    As far as INFJ-INFJ romance... no thanks. Seeing someone else with the same problems as me is a major turnoff.
    Aww, really? I had one. It was incredibly intense and wonderful. Eventually unhealthy, I think because we were so young and didn't get it. But it was so beautiful, close, and... yeah, this is just me

    Like how Rainbows put it:

    When it's good it's really good. When it's bad it's really bad. I dated another infj when I was A LOT younger (earlier teens) and it was like this odd heavenish thing. I love him to death. It ended all chaotic and messy, but it started with a Bang. It was awesome. Totally awesome. If I ever found something like that again I'd leap at the chance to have it. I love other infjs, as friends, lovers or whatever. I just don't like assholes
    BlackCat:
    If you want pure comfort then go for it. Same type relations are extremely stable.
    What do you mean by pure comfort? And why are they extremely stable? Nice avatar, btw!

  4. #34
    Member Rachel's Avatar
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    Probably not good to base anything on type because it is very easy to stereotype. But if i had to describe the ideal attraction, i find that i'm drawn to NTs Or NXPs, not sure if this would be a good match. I have high enough Ti but would like someone with well developed Fe. I live with a family member who is an S, and it's sometimes difficult to communicate, because we see things differently. But when i take time to observe and listen to S, i learn quite a bit. But for the sake of a relationship, an N would probably be a better fit. I once thought INTPs would be a good fit or INTJs but not sure. I think it would be good to have an E, since i'm I. ENFJs or an ENTP with a well developed Fe may work as long as there is an attraction, care, and committment, these could probably work.

  5. #35
    Member Fenekk's Avatar
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    To be honest, I don't know what "type" would suit me best... I have only been in one relationship and I'll admit that while it ended in unusual circumstances it was indeed very good; it was with an INXP. He was so hard to type because he was obviously very logical-minded but also very close to others too. I'm pretty sure he was INTP with well-developed feeling.

    However, in an ideal situation I think I would probably be best with someone of a different type. When it comes to the T/F side of things, I really prefer a person with F or well-developed feeling because I just don't get that from the world. (My mother and my stepdad maybe, but the rest of the world, definitely not.) I think I would do better with an extrovert too, because I am so highly introverted. Also I get overwhelmed easily around others, so an IF would probably give me too much attention if we were together a lot (and that's not good, either). I get uncomfortable around people who are too Sensing-oriented, usually because of materialism and their habit of liking change (change is good, but too much is...). As far as P/J goes, I'm kind of weak on the J side of things myself. My mom's side is almost wholly J oriented (except her brother) and my dad's is mostly P oriented (except one of his brothers). I think I could go either way on that. A J would probably keep me in line a bit more (if they don't nag; I HATE nagging despite probably doing my share of it) and a P would probably encourage me to loosen up more, both of which are logical viewpoints in different situations.

    I have a bit of trouble applying MBTI to real people, and besides, I feel like it is a bit too close to home if I do anyway, so in considering what I want in a person I might date or marry, I usually consider personality traits based on fictional characters. (That way I don't feel like it's too personal or anything, because it's really nothing but a social experiment ) A few of the characters I feel like I would get along with are ENFJ, ESFP, and INFP, moreso the ENFJ and INFP than the ESFP. Seeing as I know a male INFP (who likes me, but who I would have an unhealthy relationship with because he is terribly dependent, and while he is a good friend, I feel like he relies on me to help him with his personal problems way too much) and he is nothing like this character (who is independent and protective of those he holds dear), I don't know.

    In short, my findings tell me that MBTI is not enough. Granted, sometimes MBTI traits can correlate with what you are looking for in a significant other. I know that I would probably prefer an intuitive extrovert with well developed Feeling. I also know that I would be best with an independent guy (while being highly independent myself), which is a trait not managed by MBTI. All people are different, anyway... 16 types just isn't enough.
    NaNoWriMo 2010 [[Nahe: Iveor]]
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  6. #36
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    Me and my twin fraternal brother are both INFJ's.

    And I should say - there are a bunch of positives and negatives about our relationship.




    Positives:
    1) We are mind readers. Well, practically. I can look at him a certain way and he can look at me a certain way, and we can instantly know what we're talking about. This happens on a daily basis. Sometimes people around us will ask us what we're doing, and we'll both translate the non-verbal communication back, almost in an identical way.

    2) Whenever I am feeling something incredibly complex and cannot articulate it, he can just look at me, smile, and say, "I understand." I do the same thing to him. I guess because we both operate on extreme feelings, we understand the need to "get it out" and the frustration of not being understood after these feelings are revealed.

    3) He does his thing, I do mine. We recognize the need for alone time. Sometimes we'll spend entire days in different rooms, group up at the end of the day, and my mom will look at us and say, "did you guys have a good day together?" and we'll both smile and say, "yes! perfect." At the same time, sometimes we have days where we are completely inseparable. He'll want to constantly hold my hand or be really huggy, and I'll respond the same way.




    Negatives:
    1) When we have emotional outbursts, which happens from time to time, we respond to each other aggressively. Not with anger, but with confusion, like "where did this come from?" And we respond by mirroring each other. When he is frustrated or sad, I get frustrated and sad. When he gets reclusive, I get reclusive. Our negativity feeds off each other. We typically need someone else to intervene and "pull us out" so to speak. That's probably why we have a mutual friend that's an ESFP - he usually comes around and gets us out of our muck-rut.

    2) When we're apart for a long time from each other, we get drained much faster - I think because we have a tendency to surround ourselves with E people to counteract our I-ness. Being together is rejuvenating, being apart is sapping. Plus the fact that we feel, most of the time, the only people that understand us is each other... which leads to frustrations with our friends and s/o's. It's kind of fatalistic thinking when you have someone there who gets you completely and everyone else doesn't come close.

    3) We both try to be more P and less J with each other, which leads to alot of debate about the dumbest stuff. Like, where we want to eat dinner. He'll say, "anywhere you want to go" and I'll say the same thing, but in the end we both want to go to different places and then we'll get stubborn about it and have an argument. That's typically when our P friends come in and tell us we can do both... haha.




    Weird things:
    1) EMPATHY BATTLES! We don't operate on fighting - we operate through giving. But if he out gives me, I'll get frustrated and angry and then give him something back or do something that's bigger and better. It gets a little out of control sometimes. It's not typically material objects - usually it's taking people out to dinner or cooking or cleaning or gestures of affection... but it's annoying when you have someone around always trying to outdo you to be the "better" INFJ. It's like one big passive-aggressive, warm-fuzzy-feeling battle.

  7. #37
    Junior Member EmikoNiwa's Avatar
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    I do know that I get along with XNXP very well and prefer it. It would probably be in my best intrests to seek out an ENXP since I beleive my friend who passed was one and we got along very well. That and I enjoy fighting for sport. Granted, it could be taken wrong if the person takes me too seriously.
    There's something about you I don't like about me.

  8. #38
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    i usually get along famously with other INFJ's in real life. i am attracted to their familiar way of being. its like we are from the same planet. the positives usually outweigh the negatives in that regard. the only other type i feel that actually understands INFJ's (instead of thinking they do) would be ISTP. thats just from my experience.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    J.Krishnamurti

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